Submitted by Incorrotto on
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Hi i"m 21 and i've been masturbating (regularly sometimes multiple times in a day) ever since i was 15. I don't watch a lot of porn but when i did used to it was usually of a violent nature and very demeaning to women. I rationalized it by saying that it was just a fantasy and wasn't really "me". I do respect women in my every day life i genuinely do and hence this is a part of my character that i would like to do without.The problem is that when i get the urges its almost as if i have a demon inside me ( a very clever one that can convince me that what i'm seeing is ok and i need to see it) and after i finish ejaculating i'm left with an immense sense of guilt . Not at the fact that i have masturbated but because the fantasies i had to use to get off. . That was one of the main reasons why after going through articles and posts on this site i decided to abstain for a while.

I have gone only 5 days now . But every day i seem to get stronger and my self respect really seems to be at a much better place than it was 5 days ago. I"m really happy i found this site as it has really helped me . I don"t feel so isolated anymore and really feel that i can go a month without it easily .

I would really like to understand why i needed to imagine those fantasies to masturbate as it seems at odds to my perception of myself and its contributed a lot to me hating my self or at least this aspect of me which i haven't completely understood.

This is the first time i have ever put down these feelings ( my hands were actually shaking as I typed some parts) and it does feel a bit liberating to let it out after all these years.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this i think God has directed me to this site for a reason and i feel it will help me.

Is this your first time.....

trying to quit pmo? If so don't be disappointed if you relapse. For the first time you can set a reachable goal like 7-8 days then you can keep on trying by increasing days in your goal. When you will keep on trying you will surely succeed one day.

I think its absolutely vital

I think its absolutely vital and awesome that you found this site to come to as it has proved in my experience, and Im sure in the experience of others, as a real supplement in overcoming this habit. In terms of advice, read as much from this sites articles and posts, and also on the site Your Brain on Porn to arm yourself with the knowledge and support in getting through this. Some of what I have taken away from these articles is these urges are a consequence of a chemical dependence within your brain. Porn, Masterbation, and Orgasm combination is a potent blast of neurological chemicals such as dopamine that over time leads to a desensitization within your brain. School and work lose luster, hobbies and sports become dull and women on the street begin to lose their appeal over prolonged use. These urges are not a trait of your personality but more like a hunger of your reward system for that blast. Your brain associates the neuro-blast with the above mentioned combination of PMO and hence you become dependent and urges spring up. What i can say from experience is abstinence suppresses these urges in a non-linear fashion and eventually the habit becomes a thing of the past.
Hope this helped and good luck!

1Step is right

These urges are not a trait of your personality but more like a hunger of your reward system for that blast. Your brain associates the neuro-blast with the above mentioned combination of PMO and hence you become dependent and urges spring up. What i can say from experience is abstinence suppresses these urges in a non-linear fashion and eventually the habit becomes a thing of the past.

Really just treat them like cartoons...and pretty much forget about their substance. Shame just prolongs recovery.

If it makes you feel any better, I once read a porn maker's "take" on the appeal of degrading porn. He said it's appealing because it lets guys "get back" at all the attractive women who didn't pay them the attention the men would have liked. In other words, at a deep level, it may be your desire to have attractive women pay flattering attention to you that left you bitter and vengeful when they didn't. Sounds kinda human to me...even if you don't like where you landed.

Or, it may have nothing to do with that. Smile It may just be a complete fluke of fate...like the first image you got off to happened to be a degrading one, and BINGO! your brain is set to wire up anything that was associated with that Big Orgasm. So now it's part of the random pathway. Kinda like a baby duck follows whomever it sees when it hatches. Wink

Either way, if you want to weaken the association, stop orgasming to the unwanted associations, no matter how badly you "just want to get off." Your tastes are likely to change without doing anything more...as long as you don't keep "testing" yourself. Wink

The Our brain on porn

The Our brain on porn presentation has been very helpful. Every time i get the urge i just remind my self that its just a particular part of my brain that is sending these signals ,I try to visualize that part of the brain i then try to visualize the logical part of the brain and i imagine it sending signals to calm down and not to give in to my urges . I find that instead denying or suppressing the urges accepting that these urges are present but also accepting the fact that I am ultimately in control of my body i can break the thought process that leads me to crave an orgasm and to do anything to get it.

This is just my experience and i'd thought i should share it .

Thanks again !

I mean specifically

not using the unwanted stimuli...just to see if they are still stimulating. They will likely be stimulating for a very long time, but the point is that if your brain returns to normal sensitivity, a lot of other things will *also* be stimulating. But to get there, you have to avoid whatever synthetic "superstimuli" you've been using.