Hello to this great community,
First of all I would just like to say a million "thank you's" to Marnia. I remember finding this site via stumbleupon several months ago, but not really taking the time to explore it. It is so easy to keep hitting that "stumble" button, ever searching for novel and interesting sites on the internet (damn reward circuitry!) that I skipped right over something I've been looking for my entire adult life. So a couple weeks ago I stumbled upon this site again. I read the info about "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" and I immediately knew it was a book I had to read. I'm now halfway through and it has helped me tremendously. So much of what you have compiled in this amazing book resonates with things that I have felt for so long. So many influences (friends, conventional thought, media) are constantly telling me otherwise, so when I found your book I felt like I had come home.
I have struggled with porn/orgasm addiction for half of my lifetime now. Here and there I have managed to abstain, maybe for a month or so at the longest, but now I am truly dedicated. I have recently completed a 40-day yoga challenge (an amazing experience!), so I started thinking about other possible 40-day challenge ideas. Why not go with the one that has haunted me the longest, right? So here I am, on Day 14 without orgasm. Your book came in the mail and I started reading it on Day 10. What a great tool to have during this process! Overall I have been amazingly optimistic and feeling very good, but last night I think I hit a bit of a wall. I wait tables for a living, and last night at work was the worst night I have had there in a while. I had some pretty inconsiderate customers, didn't end up making much money and was just in a bad mood pretty much the whole night. Now today I feel like I'm coming down with a cold of some sorts. Definitely hitting a low point, but still remaining strong.
One question I have is this: Can the process of the brain's neurochemistry evening out have an effect on things that happen to me externally? I am a very big believer in creating the reality that I live in and thoughts/energy affecting everything, so I found it interesting last night- the 13th night of my "sobriety"- that I would have such an awful night. I asked myself- "If abstaining from orgasm really is beneficial for me mentally, physically and spiritually, then why is my outer world crumbling?" Then I had the thought that the energies are just moving in ways that they are not used to, and I prepared myself for the bumpy ride that may follow. I know that ultimately I will come through this stronger and with a more harmonious life, but right now I'm struggling a bit. Not struggling with the abstinence, rather with other (seemingly) unrelated events.
I would like to thank you again for your book. It is helping in ways I never thought I could be helped. Armed with all of the insight and knowledge it contains, I feel like I can really change my life and become completely free from this addiction I've had for so long. There have even been a couple of nights when I've been in bed, about to go to sleep, that I have touched myself to the point of arousal. There was no need or yearning for orgasm, I simply just enjoyed the nice sensations that I felt and after 5 or 10 minutes I stopped, closed my eyes and peacefully fell asleep. I feel a strength and resolve I have never felt before. So much more to say, but I will cut it short for now. Again, thank you so much!