♥Almost 3 weeks- lots of changes!

Submitted by tornfromabook on
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This is my first blog entry. My wife and I experimented with karezza about 3 years ago after stumbling across Marnia's work. That was the summer before our wedding and although the experimentation had a very positive effect on our relationship, we didn't really get the hang of it and slowly moved back into goal-oriented sex. I think the problem was that I didn't really have the whole concept down. It wasn't really karezza proper, it was just me trying not to orgasm. Sex was still pretty active and hot, and I encouraged her to orgasm as much as she wanted. I can see now that my ego was still in the way and I was too preoccupied with arousing and conserving the energy for my own benefit. I think I studied the old chinese texts too heavily. I never read William Loydd's text- huge mistake!

Well, we're back on track now, 3 years later, in a very good way. Almost by accident, I became very aroused at home one day and didn't climax (we have both adhered pretty closely to no masturbating when the other is not around for a few years now). The little taste of positivity that I felt reminded me of all the good feelings I had experienced when I first tried to give up orgasm a few years ago. My wife and I talked more about it- she is extremely supportive and open when it comes to sex, I have huge sympathy for those men who don't have such receptive partners, it must be extremely difficult! This time we have educated ourselves much more thoroughly, she has done her homework as well and things have been going quite well. We go very slow, still, calm. She avoids orgasm and keeps her arousal low. The last time we had sex was the most karezza-like experience we have achieved so far. Almost no movement, just a long, lazy session of radiating love and kindness. I find that our sex is very focused "above the belt" so to speak- lots of hair touching, eye gazing, face caressing, kissing, talking. Very casual and extremely pleasant! I am around 3 weeks without orgasm and have been doing lots of energy work (thanks for all the advice on the forum!), feeling really good. I have been amazed at how deeply my habitual irritation and anger have melted away in the last week or two. I have never felt so un-irritated in my adult life! I feel everything differently from the waist down- a feeling of fullness and suppleness that allows my to relax and anchor the base of my spine.

I do feel very turned out most of the time, but it isn't concentrated in my genitals. It is a more useful kind of energy, a sort of passionate interest in the outside world, in people, etc. It is very new though, so I am trying to reconfigure my feelings and attitudes, especially toward other women in the world. I haven't experienced dissatisfaction with my wife and the correlated 'wandering eye' thing, but I definitely have a kind of "zing" feeling regarding beautiful women in public. Like I said, it isn't an animal, pelvic-oriented feeling, but I definitely notice them. I was wondering if other men have any advice/opinion on how they have re-wired their attitude towards all of the beautiful women out there. Now that my feelings are more heart-centered, all women seem beautiful! I just don't want it to be a problem. My intuition tells me that it is ok to accept and enjoy the beauty of women, but I also know how tricky the brain can be. Any thoughts?


Always fun to hear

others' experiments. It's just impossible to believe that too much of a good thing can make you cranky. But if, indeed, orgasm trips a mild, mini cycle like any other intense sexual stimulation, then it makes perfect sense.

My thought is that you may notice a further shift in your perception of other women as you continue to experiment. You'll notice their beauty, but not feel as drawn to fertilizing them. Wink I should add that over the years Gary has remarked that the first couple of weeks after an orgasm he notices his roving eye induces more intense horniness. So just keep observing yourself...and them.

Just wanted to say~

So happy to have another karezza couple here--yay!! (please keep us posted on your progress!)

And yes, you are very fortunate to be married to a woman who is open and willing to learn and try it again! (ha ha, remember that!!)



You say, " I was wondering if other men have any advice/opinion on how they have re-wired their attitude towards all of the beautiful women out there. Now that my feelings are more heart-centered, all women seem beautiful!"

That's exactly it, how have I changed my attitude towards beautiful women? You said it, "all women ARE beautiful"

I see no problem enjoying feminine beauty and radiance, but groping women, mentally or otherwise is a much different matter. One is the masculine appreciation of the feminine embodied through women, the other is a state of male neediness. Done right, enjoying feminine beauty can be a form of honoring.

All men know when they are honoring the feminine and when there groping it, just make sure you doing the first. The world would be a much better place if more of us men would hold space for women in that honoring way while enjoying their radiance.