This is my first blog entry. My wife and I experimented with karezza about 3 years ago after stumbling across Marnia's work. That was the summer before our wedding and although the experimentation had a very positive effect on our relationship, we didn't really get the hang of it and slowly moved back into goal-oriented sex. I think the problem was that I didn't really have the whole concept down. It wasn't really karezza proper, it was just me trying not to orgasm. Sex was still pretty active and hot, and I encouraged her to orgasm as much as she wanted. I can see now that my ego was still in the way and I was too preoccupied with arousing and conserving the energy for my own benefit. I think I studied the old chinese texts too heavily. I never read William Loydd's text- huge mistake!
Well, we're back on track now, 3 years later, in a very good way. Almost by accident, I became very aroused at home one day and didn't climax (we have both adhered pretty closely to no masturbating when the other is not around for a few years now). The little taste of positivity that I felt reminded me of all the good feelings I had experienced when I first tried to give up orgasm a few years ago. My wife and I talked more about it- she is extremely supportive and open when it comes to sex, I have huge sympathy for those men who don't have such receptive partners, it must be extremely difficult! This time we have educated ourselves much more thoroughly, she has done her homework as well and things have been going quite well. We go very slow, still, calm. She avoids orgasm and keeps her arousal low. The last time we had sex was the most karezza-like experience we have achieved so far. Almost no movement, just a long, lazy session of radiating love and kindness. I find that our sex is very focused "above the belt" so to speak- lots of hair touching, eye gazing, face caressing, kissing, talking. Very casual and extremely pleasant! I am around 3 weeks without orgasm and have been doing lots of energy work (thanks for all the advice on the forum!), feeling really good. I have been amazed at how deeply my habitual irritation and anger have melted away in the last week or two. I have never felt so un-irritated in my adult life! I feel everything differently from the waist down- a feeling of fullness and suppleness that allows my to relax and anchor the base of my spine.
I do feel very turned out most of the time, but it isn't concentrated in my genitals. It is a more useful kind of energy, a sort of passionate interest in the outside world, in people, etc. It is very new though, so I am trying to reconfigure my feelings and attitudes, especially toward other women in the world. I haven't experienced dissatisfaction with my wife and the correlated 'wandering eye' thing, but I definitely have a kind of "zing" feeling regarding beautiful women in public. Like I said, it isn't an animal, pelvic-oriented feeling, but I definitely notice them. I was wondering if other men have any advice/opinion on how they have re-wired their attitude towards all of the beautiful women out there. Now that my feelings are more heart-centered, all women seem beautiful! I just don't want it to be a problem. My intuition tells me that it is ok to accept and enjoy the beauty of women, but I also know how tricky the brain can be. Any thoughts?