Blogging my attempt to reboot and kick my addiction

Submitted by Iwillrecover on
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Folks, here's my case study so far. It is a bit detailed, but I am hoping that it might help other people in a similar situation:

I had developed a porn habit as my last relationship began to end. Before that I had binged on porn on and off for about eleven years, depending on whether I was in a relationship, or whether the relationship was going well. However, recently, my porn addiction had got worse: I was spending a lot of time and money on porn at weekends, and began to worry that it was keeping me from more important things in life.

I have masturbated very regularly, when not in relationships, ever since my teens, and thought this was normal. I last had an orgasm (masturbation) at least 21 days ago. Not sure why I stopped, but I decided to keep it going. I continued to look at erotica/porn thinking that without MB it would lose its appeal, but instead found myself "edging".

I decided to quit porn 10 days ago, but that was difficult… in the first 2 days I experienced cravings and fantasies, and wanted very much to search for new videos or watch old ones. I told myself I would give in at the end of the day, and then that I would wait 5 days until I looked at porn again. Giving myself these short-term goals made things easier. I also kept a journal to deal with the cravings: what was I expecting to find, what I wanted to see, and how would I feel if I were to start using it again. Mapping out the whole dismal process in detail gave me motivation to continue. Wink For those first few days I was writing something every few hours.

About 3 days in, I started to feel happier and calmer than usual. The desire to look at porn, still only a few key strokes away, began to lift. I seemed to have more energy, in particular for interactions with people. I had expected to feel greater desire and to become more preoccupied with sex and orgasm, but the exact opposite has happened. I felt more calm than I expected, and more balanced, and less self-centered.

Looking back, I realize now that the longest I ever went without orgasm, a 6 week period in my mid 30s, was marked by similar positive feelings and unexplained happiness. At the time, I did not make a connection!

From what I have read of others' experiences, I may start to hit a wall soon as the desire for orgasm returns, but so far, I am not feeling any cravings. I will keep adding to the blog to see what happens.