Only one partner avoiding orgasm

Submitted by ragnar on
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I would be curious to know what you say of
1. both parties practicing
2. Only the man
3. Only the woman

Anyone else?

Gary and I both practice this, so I don't have much personal experience of one-sided practice.

That being said, I do hear from others who are attempting to practice it without the cooperation of their lovers. It seems they still get some benefits, or they wouldn't do it. Smile However, some have also found it a bit frustrating when they "feel" their partners pull away during the post-orgasm cycle.

I think that if one is prepared for that phenomenon, and can avoid taking it personally, then the system may work fine without the cooperation of a partner.

I hope others will share their experience, too.

practicing “ecstatic exchanges” alone?

Do you remember whether these people still engaged into “ecstatic exchanges” technique as part of their practice? As far as I understand, avoiding orgasm without these technique does not really benefit. So, does the other partner HAS to at least participate in “ecstatic exchanges” as well as schedules intercourse even though (s)he might choose to not avoid the orgasm?

About the intentionality

Thanks for the helpful comments and the article which I liked.
It struck me that for many(?) women, the unvoluntary non-orgasmic event is the old "tragic sex-cliché" and I imagine that very little good is experienced to come out of that !? So the awareness of benefit and the concommitant intent must be an important needed ingrediance -- do you agree ?


Biological programming is so strong that none of us overcomes it without a clear intent...especially with a cute guy like you! Even with a clear intent, for me at least, it took years of "mistakes" before I made much progress. Smile

Mutual Development

This is important question. Mutual development or … stil together, but actually, half alone ?!?!? My own experience, unfortunately, is only in the second way… :(. During the spring of 1996-th I bought some books about the inner sexual alchemy and devoured them eagerly! I had steady relationship with woman, that already was going on for two years, and after that moment continued for 6 more years. All of the toil, the first steps of dirty labor, I did with that woman… I mean, all the unsuccessful attempts and pretty funny experiments, including bandhas, mudras, pumping, with active (even too much) muscles involving and deep breathing – I did with that woman. She was tolerant. And was quite fiery – almost every time she had no less than two – three explosive orgasms, and if we did not make it for more than several days, she used to reach up to 10 orgasms(seldomly). It was perfect. She enflamed me greatly and I was crazy about her. One thing I never succeeded in – I wasn't able to persuade her on the importance and value of learning these practices and their relation to one's happiness, stability, mental and emotional health… She thought all this was unnatural and never even tried doing even the first steps: mastering the orgasms physically. About further work – reaching the meditative levels of the practice together – I did not dare even to think about…
I practiced and felt everything almost alone. After her orgasms, which lasted for up to 15 minutes, she was like a "getting cold" water. Minute after minute afterwards, she was enduring me just because of her tolerance… For about 20 minutes everything was o'k. We did the ride together. After that she was just … waiting!You know the high sensitivity, that this kind of intercourse brings. Sensitivity, true Love and bliss, ecstasy, one long orgasm, lasting for minutes, and after short slowing, again, and again. Orgasm, that had nothing in common with the ejaculatory form of cum! Passion, transformed into blissful, tender and lucid meditative state! But – alone! Like dancing with sleeping woman. Well, she wasn't sleeping, but metaphorically speaking, yes, she was leaving me alone! May be, that's why, even armed with that practice, plus my young blood, I still had intercourses with another girls and women… I was too young and still did not appreciate the joy of being faithful and monogamous. Anyway, even now, I still have never met, or been with woman who appreciates and practices this method… My goodness … Ehhhh
Anyway, even while doing it in this way, half – alone, still energy exchange circled between me and my partner. With my occasional infidelity and having sex with another women, I was able to feel the differences in the energy of each one of them – different “taste” of energy, that circulated in me for about three days after the contact.
But, I solely can imagine how different would be, if the journey is undertaken by both partners…

Be Healthy!!!

Hi Orlin

Welcome, and thank you for sharing all of your insights, despite the language challenge. I'm sorry you don't have a partner, and I wish you one very soon.

Yes, it is not so easy to bring both partners into alignment with the goal of raising the sexual energy and transforming it. However, we humans need to remember that this knowledge has been forgotten for a long time. It will take time to "re-learn" it. I think it helps a lot to have a place where we can all share the ideas and discuss what helps and what doesn't.

Hello :) :) :)

Hello, Marnia,
I am engaged. My fiance is wonderful girl. :)
Is this forum proper place to ask you few questions? I am psychology student and recently I think a lot about writing a diploma work (bachelor's thesis) on the subject of sacred sexuality! Can you and the people you know to help me in that – I mean, when I prepare several tests – you and your friends, the people practicing kareza, controlled orgasm, etc.,that you know, to fill them? And – do you have access to some more scientific research on the subject? I mean, some that is not published here in the site? And, because my project is still in it's very beginning, I am open for all kinds of good ideas. Be happy, Marnia!
Orlin, Bulgaria.
P.S: It was just a question. I will start working on the diploma's thesis after two - three months. By the way, is my English very terrible? :):):)

Be Healthy!!!


I'm happy to hear that you have a fiancee, and that she is wonderful. I thought you were on your own from something you said in one of your posts.

Your English is quite good...and infinitely better than our Bulgarian, so don't apologize.

About the idea of a study...I like your enthusiasm, but it may not be possible to design the study you envision. The reason is that psychologists consider anyone who avoids orgasm to have a "paraphilia," or disorder. Wink Even though you and I know better - and this knowledge of the potential in controlled intercourse has been around for thousands of years - current academics are quite convinced of the correctness of their superficial conclusions based on a few decades of opinions. (Don't misunderstand....I'm sure there ARE people who avoid orgasm because of troubled thinking. However, I'm sure there are many who practice this for reasons that are quite healthy.)

The point is that - because of their categorization of this practice as evidence of a "disorder" - researchers can't design experiments that ask people to engage in avoiding orgasm. They consider it unethical to ask someone to do something "unhealthy." In short, their narrow mindset prevents them from ever discovering the error of their categorization via experiments involving people who intentionally avoid orgasm while making love.

Rather than write down all of my thoughts on this subject (of a possible experiment) here again, I'll send you to this link, where you can read my exchange with a sex researcher in the UK. (Look below the article on this page:

Maybe you will be the one to help correct this unfortunate prejudice among psychologists. By the way, my friend Mary in the UK also has scientists willing to help advise in the design of an experiment, but so far the psychologist who offered to help her get it going is discouraged by the problem explained above.

Yes, I have friends who would probably be fine with trying this "for science," but any study involving them wouldn't be a "blind" study. So, designing such an experiment will be a challenge.