Questions from a girlfriend.

Submitted by Aretha F on
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My boyfriend suffers from ED but how do I/we tell if it's from porn over use, a medical issue or just an age thing (he's in his early 50's). I know he can bring himself to orgasm through masturbation with or without porn but nothing I do orally or manually seems to get him there. He says it feels amazing but still loses his erection even while I'm doing it. Sometimes he can get and then lose his erection multiple times during our sex play. He can have an erection while I'm stimulating him manually and then lose it if I stop for 10 seconds.

I've read on the Your Brain on Porn site guys saying their penis feels numb so does the fact that he says oral sex feels amazing (even though he loses his erection) mean it's not a porn thing at all. I know that he watches porn and/or masturbates several times a week and that the type of things he watches has escalated to what I would call a more "extreme" porn.

I should add I don't actually have an issue with him watching porn, unless of course it is making it hard for us to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life together. I think being able to share an orgasm with your partner is a wonderful and bonding thing.

Well...

Since no one else has responded yet, I will give you my initial response. Most definitely if he is watching p. and mb. ing it's going to have a major effect on "real" sex. He needs to do a trial period with no porn, and little or no mb. I bet after 10-15 days you will be amazed at the difference. It sounds like you are a very open and caring partner, and one who would be very patient and helpful to him to get over this. If he is willing to give it a try, that is. You can tell him from me if you like, another male in his 50's, that there is a "tiger" waiting in his tank to be unleashed, if he would only give it a try. So, in a nutshell, it's cold turkey...loose the porn, no more self-induced orgasm, save his "energy" for his open-minded and
caring partner, and there will be a major improvement. In my opinion. This is a wonderful website, and there will be more helpful, and likely better-worded replies than mine, but here is a start anyway. Good luck!

Thanks Goldstar

Thanks for your response Goldstar. Here's hoping my partner won't find the thought of "cold turkey" to frightening. If nothing else your comments might at least give him something to think about.

Aretha F ...

I'm 53 and went cold turkey 37 days ago - so it can be done. Have him come here, if he hasn't already, and read as much as he can of the success stories from others and also the challenges that others face ... this has helped me a lot. He may also want to read as much as he can at YBOP web site too.

Thank you

Thanks for your comments. I loved your success story too and will be sure to track your progress. This is all very inspiring stuff.

Welcome to the forum Aretha.

Welcome to the forum Aretha. I think most of us would agree here that if he has graduated to more "extreme" porn, his sexual issues with you are most likely from it. Don't take it personally, it's a nasty problem/habit and the brain really feeds on itself for more porn.

Hopefully you can talk with him openly about the issue and get him to stop using porn. That is the only real solution and can be done. But it takes time and patience.

Dig around the site and read about karezza. It's an alternative for both of you as he reboots. Or in my case, getting back to just cuddling was great help physically and emotionally.