Reboot camp - A lurker takes the plunge

Submitted by harmonize on
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Reboot camp - A lurker takes the plunge

Day 20, no PMO. I'm a 46yo male and finding this site has been a revelation. The reboot journey has been a huge challenge. I'm aiming for 100 days. 100 days = 100%. I'm hoping my counting days obsessiveness will dissipate, but now it's something to (...ahem) hold on to. I'm in almost compete flatline territory. One semi hard-on during the night days five in. It's scary because my comfort zone is being challenged for the first time in many years. Hell, he's been my best buddy since 12 or 13, and now it's like he doesn't want to know me. Like any fix, it was there to soothe the pain, get me to sleep, ease the stress, kill the boredom, even celebrate the good times. Intuitively I knew it wasn't healthy, especially when I had a partner, but persisted with the vice nonetheless. More recent forays into cyberporn have cemented the problem. Have gone M free for a month before and seen the benefit but now, thanks to your websites I have a much more realistic idea about how long an effective reboot may take. I used to think 4 days was a reboot. Some taboos need to be torn down. I know there are some mighty challenges ahead but if I am accountable with myself the chances of being in a meaningful relationship are far more likely. Isn't that what we all want?

Harmonize -

I'm 53 and just completed 55 days of being PM free. Orgasmed 3 times during that time span ... all three were with my wife. Just wanted to encourage you, since you're close to my age, that it can be done. If I can do it, you will make it as well.

One thing that has helped me is coming here every day and Your Brain on Porn web site and reading, and often times re-reading the success stories and journeys that others are doing. By doing that, this usually was enough motivation for me to keep going forward with my recovery and not go visit my "favorite" porn sites. This is the by far the longest that I have ever made it in wanting to drop PM and this coming from a guy who has had a 40+ year addiction.

You will make it!!!

pcb

55 days PM free, that's a

55 days PM free, that's a great achievement pcb...I've been coming back to the websites a lot. To know we're not alone in our struggles is so important. In a more enlightened world this stuff will be taught in schools. The lure of porn was back there in our day too hey? Might not have been so explicit but it was designed for the same effect. I'm thinking you're a happier man after 55 days, and your wife (whether she is fully aware of your journey or not) has noticed your rejuvenation. I know having a healthier attitude to M won't fix all the issues in my life, but I'm hoping my reboot will make me healthier and more resilient in mind and body. Especially mind.

Harmonize -

Yes, the lure of porn was strong even back in the late 70's and all through the 80's as well. My big problem came when about 18 months ago we got high speed internet. Once we got that, I could start watching porn clips almost instantly. Before that, I never watched porn clips because dial-up took so long to download. So I went bonkers watching porn on my computer. It was a daily ocurrance. Sometimes I would binge for hours on end. This would often lead to M ... not every day, but several times during the week. Over that time span I noticed a big loss in my libido. Often times I would not even get an erection while watching porn ... sometimes maybe a mini-erection. Then, when there were times that I was wanting to have sex with my wife, I had problems getting an erection, or if I did get one, I'd lose it within minutes.

One day (May 17) while I was headed to one of my "favorite" porn sites, I somehow mistyped the long on and found a site called Your Brain on Porn. I went there and watched the video series. After hearing that my ED might be caused by my porn addiction, I decided to give it a try ... and I mean a real serious try. In the past I have tried to quit before, but always failed after a few days. To my surprise, I can't believe that I am now on day 56.

Over these 56 days, I have had sex with my wife 3 times - I know that doesn't sound like much, and it isn't, but we are both extremely busy and get tired easily. The good news is, my erections have come back, and I haven't lost my erection eithers!!! They're not super duper hard, but hard enough and harder than anything I have had in the last 18 months prior to my starting this journey.

Like you, I have a better attitude. I'm not as angry or grumpy as I use to be. I get more things done around the house and at work ... why? ... because I'm not watching porn all the time.

I have just been taking it one day at a time. Coming here daily and YBOP and doing a lot of reading, and re-reading - which helped me a lot.

Just be patient and take one day at a time and I'm sure you'll have no problem reaching your goals.

Straight Ahead!!

pcb

Wow

You tried to go to a porn website and accidentally ended up somewhere not-porn??? Congratulations, that has never happened in the history of the world! :)

Yes, Ma'am -

That is the Truth! I'm not sure how I did it either. I think I must have miss typed the URL and got a Yahoo Search result that had "Your Brain on Porn" at the top of the Search list. That got my attention and the rest is history ... at least 56 days ago.

I've been kind of following your OKCupid blog. Good luck to you on your dates!!! You sound like a very nice lady. Don't settle for anything less than what you are really looking for or wanting!!

pcb

Thanks Marnia..this try

Thanks Marnia..this try seems sorta different to me. I think my rational mind has at last realized (thanks to here and YBOP) that this will take some time to heal and maybe has overridden my mammalian brain, telling it "OK, let's make a deal" or even "OK, you win." Before I was aware what I was doing was a problem, but imagined any reboot as more a physical thing, getting the equipment back in order. And the general (perhaps not well-informed) consensus is that after 4 days a normal guy is back full whack. I could live with that. What your work has shown me is that, yes, it is a physical recovery, it just happens that our brains are very much a physical entity as well, however intangible our thoughts and feelings may seem.

TY

Your original post rings true to how I feel as well. Thanks for sharing, and such a well written thought/feeling at that.. Always good to hear that we're all not so different after all.

Hi nnty...good to hear from

Hi nnty...good to hear from you. Had a look at your blog entries and they make interesting reading...Are you still in a reboot phase? It would be interesting to hear how you are progressing whatever has happened.