I'm new to this particular forum, and it wasn't until a couple of months ago that I finally associated my erectile dysfunction with porn. A brief background...
I'm 26, and have been having this issue since the time I was 19 years old (finally linked my excessive porn use to when I got my school issued laptop in college). The first time I experienced ED was when I had my first serious gf. I went to my primary care physician to see what was up, and he gave me some viagra to get over my "mental hump" as I called it. Throughout the entire three years of our relationship, I continued using porn on a pretty much daily basis. I've had three other girlfriends since then, and have always experienced ED at the beginning of my relationships. I've always associated it with being nervous for having a new partner and would take small amounts of viagra (I now use cialis) to get over the first couple of months. Then,, I'd be able to engage in normal intercourse with no problem.
Up until about a year ago, this method worked fine, then I noticed I don't even get morning wood anymore :(. It literally feels like a lifeless piece of meat between my legs. Even when in the shower, I can recall when I was younger I'd be washing myself down there (inadvertently stroking) and would get a raging hard on from this. Not anymore. Even my most recent girlfriend I'd be able to have sex and engage in intercourse without the assistance of pills, but my erections would get lost very easily without manual stimulation and they'd always slope downward. Almost like the locking mechanism that would hold your penis erect just didn't work anymore. Needless to say I've been overly depressed about three things: 1) the fact that my dick does not stand at a 90 degree angle like it should when erect, 2) that my it takes an EXTRAORDINARY amount of effort to achieve an erection and lastly but definitely not least, 3) the fact that i need to rely on pills to have an erection at only 26 years old.
Mind you, I've been to 4 urologists, 2 primary care physicians, 2 sexual psychologists and an endocrinologist. I'm an athlete, exercise twice a day and the consensus is I'm healthy as can be. I couldn't be any healthier. My only vice was that up until recently, I was a daily marijuana smoker for years (about half a joint per day). I've been smoking for years and I actually stopped just to see if this would change despite my physicians all telling me that this isn't the cause for my ED. I figured stopping couldn't hurt.
I'm currently in my second week of no Porn or masturbation with only one minor slip up (looked at porn for about 10 minutes yesterday and orgasmed). But I'm determined to jump back on the wagon. What's adding to my anxiety even more is this...I have a gf. She lives far away and I only see her once a week or so, but you can imagine that the times I do see her, she wants sex. The way I've overcome this is by taking about 10mg of cialis each time I see her...but I'm sick of it. Sick of relying on a pill to help me have sex. It makes it more work than it's worth and I literally think of nothing other than this issue. I've had depression before and this only adds to it. I'm very successful with my career, extremely good looking (or so I'm told), have no problem picking up women, and should be confident as can be. I can't even tell you how many years I've spent stressed out about this and I always think to myself that if I could just have this issue solved once and for all and be able to go into a situation with a woman with no fear of losing an erection, I'd be 100% happy. All the other pieces of my life would fall into place.
Regardless, as I'm planning to become an active member of this forum throughout the rebooting process, I wanted to share my story. I find it hard not to test myself and I get even more frustrated when my dick still doesn't work (I'm a very impatient person by nature and short tempered for the most part) so you can imagine this is even more difficult.
I'm going to be seeing my gf a lot this upcoming week (pretty much every day) and just restocked on cialis. But that's the thing, I'm not even looking forward to spending the time with her because I still have this nagging voice in the back of my head that I'm a loser for needing to rely on pills when I should just be enjoying natural sex. It sucks.
Either way, I'm trying. That's all I can do. I've rambled on enough for my first post and promise my other ones won't be as long, but wanted to introduce myself and my story.
Thanks for listening.