(Rachel) Someone who had read Stanley Bass's Better Than Orgasm asked about this passage in his book:
I would say that a woman should first have all the sex she wants, all the (peak) orgasms she wants. Thereby, she will get her subconscious cleared of her earlier frustrations. A woman can go into Karezza starting with unlimited orgasms, and later go into increased self-control. Later perhaps move towards Tantra and a spiritual path. But first let women have all the good sex necessary, to release them from all their bondage, the subconscious frustrations women often get into - the insecurities, the anger at men, the fear of sex, the thinking that sex is dirty and vicious, and similar ideas. When women get the subconscious cleared, they begin to like themselves, and feel that they are loved and secure, that they are meaningful human beings. Women begin to love themselves, feel attractive, and become happy. Then they can fit into society and work better, and be successful. How long in time would it take? I think, if you have a woman who is inhibited, and you get a man to practice Karezza with her, I estimate that in one year's time she will be a new woman, maybe even less. That's intensive psychotherapy. Sex is the greatest psychotherapy of all.
I read Dr. Bass' book, too, and no, I don't agree with him as far as "orgasms" being the reason women feel better, do better, etc. But I *do* think karezza (without orgasm) does all that and more. I wish Dr. Bass had experimented with women withholding orgasms, but still having prolonged sexual sessions, to see what *those* results would have been! To me, it has everything to do with receiving male energy. Since I've started having prolonged sessions of intercourse. I've noticed I feel more womanly, more confident, more attractive, and apparently, my body is even curvier than it used to be. (This is what I've been told by more than one person.) And my skin is bright and shining--all good things happening!! All women are different, but for me, to abstain from orgasm really helps me enjoy my life much more. I feel my moods are more even-keel. Not to say I don't slip up every now and then (and the slip-ups are usually so unexpected and I don't seem to notice any negative after-effects from those type orgasms, either, as compared to the type where I had to concentrate on them to make them happen).
(Darryl) When I started being non-orgasmic I was practicing from the Taoist perspective where the guy doesn't go over the edge while encouraging the woman to orgasm as much as she wants. Karezza was not in the picture, (never heard of it) and Marnia's book as well as this website didn't exist. Could I say, "ignorance is bliss"? My only concern was to be able to hold my own while she did what she wanted. In that regard I would request, "slow please" and "STOP" when needed. I saw this as "I respect what you want, work with me if you will to allow me what I want". It worked well, especially as I developed the ability to handle the movement she wanted better without me going over the edge. Over time she started to notice how she felt when she didn't orgasm and preferred it, joining me in a more "karezza" style experience.
Two things, I subscribe to Louie's comments in an earlier post in this thread. Basic interpretation, "women can take some time get their "ya-ya's out when a man holds genuine space so the woman can freely go where she wants for a while". Second, I feel strongly that the sexual domain belongs to the woman and men are naturally built to serve women in this arena. Isn't that how it works biologically?
Here's the curve ball in this perspective. Masculine energy is about direction so one could say its the man's natural place to offer direction as long as its for the good of the bigger picture not for his own purposes, which of course, can be hard to separate sometimes. So with that said, if it was me right now I would spend time figuring out how I could best ride with the flow of my woman without going over the edge while she does what she wants to. This would be the "serve" perspective. (E.g., I did some "solo cultivation" early on, which helped me become stronger non-orgasmically.) Along with this I would offer some gentle nudging of masculine direction towards karezza, provided you see that as beneficial to your relationship. This serves the masculine direction piece.
To put some historical perspective on my experience with this, it took around 5 years of almost daily orgasming on her part before she moved into the non-orgasmic realm and I don't think I even suggested that she consider forgoing orgasm until a number of years in. Hard to remember exactly, its been so long.