Made it to 7 days!

Submitted by newstart on
Printer-friendly version

Hello everyone.

So far this year I have made it to six days twice and 12 days once without masturbating to porn. I am now on my seventh day of being porn and masturbation free.

I am 47 and have suffered from ED my whole life. However it was only recently, due to this site and others, that I began to believe it might be due to my lifelong porn addiction.

Here is my story. Unfortunately for me I discovered porn way before my first sexual experience. From the first time I looked at it I was hooked (my brother left a copy of Penthouse out on his bed) as there was just something so mesmerizing about it . Then, when I was about 15, I would steal porn magazines from my local convenience store. When I turned 18 was when things really took a turn for the worse as I could now get into the Pussycat Theater. My favorite genre was by far two lesbians. I also now see how getting turned on by this is about as far away from getting turned on by conventional sex that one can get.

By the time I had my first sexual experience at 21 I already been masturbating to porn for over 6 years. As you might guess I couldn't get it up or if I could it went soft during penetration. Fortunately for me it was also about this time that I moved out from my parents home and into an apartment with two roommates. This was a time during which I was no longer able to look at and masturbate to porn freely and also the time I was able to have successful penetration without the ED. I found that I was meeting and having sex with so many women (probably 15 over a two year period) that I no longer had much interest in masturbating to porn. It was only after I got a place of my own that I fell back onto my old habit and the ED returned. I could now go to the local video store and rent and then masturbate to all the lesbian porn videos I wanted and no one would ever know about it.

During this time I had several girlfriends and after the initial time period of not being able to get it up I would be able to have successful intercourse with them without losing my erection. I now believe this was probably because I was not masturbating to porn during the times I was in a relationship. Now that I look back the saddest part of my addiction was that I broke up with one girlfriend I had and was having sex with partly because I wanted to go back to masturbating to lesbian porn without feeling guilty about it.

That was about 13 years ago and until recently I had not had a sexual relationship since. Something about masturbating to porn (especially now that it is all over the internet and so easily accessed) that kills the drive to meet and date women. I had opportunities but I always told myself that I "just didn't feel like it".

Several months ago I met someone and started a sexual relationship with her. The first time I was with her I was expecting some initial ED but this was worse than anything I have ever experienced as I couldn't produce any erection whatsoever. I tried Viagra and Cialis and even though this initially produced an erection it went away as soon as I penetrated her. When I am inside of her it is as if her vagina feels very loose compared to the tightness I am used to with my hand.

Things have gotten better recently as I am now able to keep it half hard but I think she might be losing interest (I can't say I blame her). All I can do is stay porn and masturbation free. I have read on here that it takes 30 to 60 days to reboot the brain from porn addiction so I still have a long way to go.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I will provide updates in the future.


Thanks for sharing your story

I'm sorry for what you've been through. The brain's reward circuitry just wires itself tightly to whatever happens along at those key times in our lives. And those bothersome associations mean that it takes quite an effort to do a "normal" wiring job later.

May I ask when you found your brother's magazine? Some of the stories on here make it clear that there really is such a thing as "too early" for explicit sexual cues.

I think a long talk with your sweetheart is in order. She needs to understand some things about how the brain re-wires itself so she can give you the time you need to get everything wired up the way you'd like it to be - for both your benefits. Can you bring yourself to watch Gary's series together? You can watch it on YOUTube, if you don't want to watch it on YBOP.

Meanwhile, she might like exploring a less goal-oriented approach to sex--at least during your recovery. Have you asked her to read Tantric Sex of Men or our book? (TSFM: Both are good ways to see your experience in a larger context.

Also, here are two remarks of other men that show it's perfectly normal to become desensitized from overstimulation (whatever that means to your brain) and that with time things will return to normal. (It may just take you longer as you haven't been married for long stretches of time.)

In cases where men masturbate chronically and then all of a sudden have an experience with a woman, intercourse seems so different. This has happened to me several times in my life and now I understand what was going on. The first girl I had sex with I lost my erection because I didn't "feel" anything after having intercourse for a bit. It's sooo different from masturbating that our mind gets a little confused because the sensation is different. For me if I lost that sense of feeling myself then the erection would diminish. Now once I got into a stable, long-term relationship I had lots of time to practice. While married I never went back to masturbating. However, once I got separated, I went a year and a half with having to take care of myself again (masturbation). Then when I first started making love with my new gf at that time, I experienced that lack of feeling all over again. At first I thought it was her, but then I realized the longer I went without masturbating, the more I could feel myself inside of her, and everything was okay again. Plus I was getting used to her and feeling "emotionally stable."

On the same spectrum:

The most striking thing I noticed after stopping porn was how difficult it was to masturbate without visual stimuli. I think that's what I'd say to the person who wants to give up porn but continue masturbating. You may not want to, or be able to, masturbate without porn. For about a month after giving up porn, I really couldn't get hard enough to masturbate, and when I "forced" it my orgasms were pretty unsatisfying. Fortunately, sex with my wife improved pretty quickly after I went on my porn fast. So I didn't miss masturbation all that much.

7 days is excellent! Keep us posted on your progress. Hope your sweetheart is willing to stick it out. *fingers crossed*

Hi Marnia I remember

Hi Marnia

I remember perfectly when I found my brother's magazine. I was 9/10 years old and he had recently gotten married and my parents and brothers and sister and I had been invited to their new apartment to go swimming. It was when I went into their bedroom to change into my swimming suit that I came across the magazine. I had a little time to look through it before I was caught but that was all I needed - I was hooked and could not get the images out of my mind. We were a "Christian" family and these sorts of things were just not allowed so this was a completely unheard of experience for me.

I have watched Gary's videos and the point that really stuck out for me was the man who said he realized he had a problem with porn when he found out he could not ejaculate without it. That would describe me perfectly.

I am hesitant to discuss this with my current girlfriend because I have had a girlfriend in the past whom I have and she basically bit my head off for wanting to watch porn instead of be with her. We still talk occasionally and to this day she never fails to bring this up.

A double whammy

"Forbidden" and "pre-puberty." No wonder your brain wired itself up so efficiently. Smile This is one place where too much religion can seriously backfire.

You know best about your girlfriend, but as a woman, I can tell you that my perspective would be totally different if someone explained that he happened to inadvertently wire his brain to synthetic stimuli than it would be if he casually mentioned he dumped a girlfriend in the past to stay home with his lesbian porn harem and didn't explain how that came to pass.

In the latter case, my reaction would be, "Well, hey! More power to you. I'll just bow out so you and your 2-D ladies can get it on!"

But my reaction to the former would be, "Hmmm...Sounds like a challenge, but I like challenges and I like you. So, as long as we can work on this together, count me in for now." (I say "for now," because I would only stick around for as long as I was sure you were seriously working on rewiring. If you had a change of heart, so would I. Smile )