Submitted by onmyway on
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Had a huge breakthrough over the past couple days. My erection strength has actually diminished since I MO'd on day 40, but my social confidence has been steadily improving throughout. I'm feeling more dominant than I have ever felt in my life, period. I think it is a combination of two things: I am conserving my testosterone and sexual energy instead of flushing it down the drain on the daily, and I am finally internally congruent with my belief system. I'm winning a battle I've been fighting a while. I am following a path of courage and I am loving with integrity.

This weekend I went clubbing, and I wanted a connection. I think when you put out a vibration into the universe, it resonates and returns to you. I cleaned my energy from porn, and so I got different energies in return. I was receptive and I got a lot of attraction. I remember going out in the past, and I would be closed off, and generally not even motivated to chase after women. A lot of the time I'd hook up with a girl just because my friends were doing it and I felt pressured that it would be "the right thing" to do. I never knew a different reality from this. No time to get into details but going out was completely different this time.

Details - I was aggressive

Details - I was aggressive as all hell on the dance floor, and the girls I was dancing with loved it! I got in the "zone" on the dance floor, where I just became oblivious to everything and everyone except for me and my girl. We were just having a good time dancing, flowing with the music and began kissing very naturally (first time I've kissed a girl in a few months, too, but again it was soo natural). On our way back to the table, something came over me. I pushed her against the wall and we grinded for a minute. Then I spun her around, pushed her back against the wall, clenched her hair with one hand and her body with the other, and we started making out again while continuing dancing. When we stopped doing that and came out of our trance, I spotted a couple of our friends at our table just looking at us with this jaw-dropped dumbfounded look. The first time I had met this girl was that night, and they hadn't seen us leave to go to the dance floor, so it must have been a surprise to see us come back like that. Really completely out-of-character for me for one, and also I heard some of the girls found it kind of hot Wink BTW I can't remember being that immersed with a girl since one of the first times I had sex with my first gf. I remember emerging from sex in a dazed state and realizing that I had just forgotten about the whole world for a moment.

Anyways, I feel like since last week a seed has been planted in me and now I'm simply YEARNING for companionship. I've never felt this need so strongly before, and it's causing me problems!! I used to be perfectly OK being alone, but now I want a date every night of the week!!! What's going on with me??

Also, my morning wood STILL hasn't returned to where it was on day 40 )= Interesting observation - I stopped working out last week and was drinking excessively, and already I am beginning to have threads of anxious thoughts running through my head. I feel worried that I won't be able to recover my erections and I won't be able to be intimate with a girl. But in context, I've come so far in 50 days. Small things don't bother me anymore, I feel so much more interested in other people (especially women haha), and I'm just a more courageous and balanced person. Forging on..