Hi beautiful people! I hope my post wont be too confused, because now my mind and heart is full of thoughts and feelings and I dont know how to write all of them. So I will try.
Im 20, I have great boyfriend which I love and Im sure he loves me so much. However I have never enjoyed sex so much. I couldnt relax and never could really have intercourse. And after another kind of stimulation and then orgasm, I felt like suddenly everything beautiful disappeared. And because I didnt know that something like karezza exists, I felt like there is something wrong with me, because I didnt want "hot sex".
So I was trying to be at least a bit "normal", doing what I thought i was supposed to do with my boyfriend, at least withouth intercourse. Now I know it wasnt fair to him and to myself, but I was just desperately trying to to what I thought I should do, althought it never made me fully happy. However I thought that when I can finally relax and have intercourse, everything would change.
Few months ago, I found reuniting website and I felt like thats what I have always wanted, and that Im not such as strange, because many other people enjoy it. While reading some articles, my heart was full of love and I was happy just imagining having such as sex with my partner. However when I sent him the link, just telling him that it looks interesting and that he might like it, he told me that he doesnt want to do anything according to a book or website. THat he wants to be spontaneous.
Anyway I orederd the Cupids poisoned arrow, it just arrived few days ago and I love it! I feel like everything just clicked it my mind and I understood everything. Im not bad. I m just a sensitive tender girl, who wants love, who wants soft touch, not the "hungry" touch as written in your book. I want long slow sex, beautiful connection physically and mentally., not just the "rabbit" sex. I have always known all that deep inside, but I was afraid to tell it to my partner because I felt guilty that I wasnt "normal".
To tell the truth, my boyfriend never forced me to do anything what I told him I didnt want to do. However many times I did something what I not really wanted.
I dont know what to do now. How to explain him what I want. Because when I just told him we could try the exchanches from the book, he againg said that he doesnt want to do it because its written in the book and he wants to do what we feel like. And accused me that im just trying to find solution outside, not looking for it inside me. It was very painful conversation for me, I was trying to explain him that thats the solution deep inside me, just i needed to read the book to uncover it. However still I dont feel like he fully understands me.
He agreed that we could try slowly caressing each other, breathing deeply, and we tried last night and it was beautiful, I could feel the love all around and inside us..and I finally fell asleep very realxed after a long time..However in the morning I felt like he wants to have orgasm..and althought i was caressing him very lovingly, his touchs seemd "hungry" to me and when I looked into his eyes, I didnt see the tender loving eyes which I would love to gazed into so much. Now I feel like toren apart, like I gave him so much love in the morning and didnt look almost anything back..and Im about to cry all the morning, lost my apetite and passion to do anything:(
All I want is to have beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. I love him so much and I hink that he would enjoy karezza, but he is too stubborn somethimes to try something what is written somewhere and I dont know how to explain him what I want and IM afraid if I tell him how to caress me, so that his touches arent " hungry", which makes me feel really bad, that he would think Im criticizing his previous behaviour ..I love him and want us to be happy! Pls give me an adivce how to communicate with him, co that I dont hurt his feelings but explain him what I want. Thanks!