Submitted by Messatsu on
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I originally decided to quit PMO after 21 years for spiritual reasons to begin with, only to realise later that it was porn that was causing me to suffer from ED, and no doubt many other issues in my life in regards to social interaction.. Thankfully to this site, and yourbrainonporn I've managed to quit, I'm at the point where I doubt I'll relapse again, the benefits are just far too great so far... I am now 34 years of age, and just starting to live my life again.

At first I quit for ten days but then relapsed for 3 days to porn, and then after that I went 21 days but then masturbated without porn and felt pretty bad for giving into desire so easily. And now today at posting is ten days after that.

Now I'm finding that my libido is pretty much zero as of now, unfortunately the flatline period came at just the wrong time, since I meet a woman last Friday whom I like very much. The first time we slept together I could perform so to speak but didn't orgasm, but in the morning I couldn't, and neither could I this morning or last night, it's like part of me wanted to but my brain just wasn't having it. It was like trying to start a car with no gas/petrol in it.. It's all pretty frustrating/embarrassing really. She said that is was all okay "It's all good under the hood" her exact words, but I'm not sure. It's troublesome. She seems to like me, but my character judgement and experiences haven't been too great in the past either.

Onto the positives;

Prior to quitting I felt like the most socially awkward person in existence. Completely self-absorbed and neurotic, always wondering what people really thought of me, constantly wondering it what it was I lacked to other people, my self-esteem was shot to pieces.. And in turn I was angry with the world.

It seems that side of me has died now, which has made it much easier to meet women, and it has made my interactions with people similar to how it was before I started puberty, meaning normal, without any self consciousness getting in the road.

I have met 4 women since I quit (5 including my ex) and on a progression scale each one more classier than the last lets say without wanting to sound too judgmental, but have only wanted to sleep with one of them, the latter one, who I'm hoping to start a relationship with to be blunt, who is just my type for once as well, tall, clever, funny who knows what I need to improve me, she has a drive and ambition that I lack, who does more than just go out and drink.. But there is also another interested as well, but I'm not a person who likes to play around.. When it rains it pours so to speak, since I could go years without even meeting anyone, or without anyone showing much interest, or me showing an interest in anyone to be frank about it.. Now I'm getting all the looks and interest. By my own admission I'm quite attractive, and people have always told me so. But obviously something was off about me beforehand which I can only say repelled people, and that was my addiction to porn, and the inevitable depletion of life energy which comes with excessive masturbation. Now people are inviting me out now which never happened, whereas before I always felt that people were leaving me out. As a whole the "level" of people I'm interacting with has risen dramatically if you get my meaning. Even after the first week of quitting I got 3 hugs off women. It's quite a marvel how things change when you do really.

My personal opinion is that everyone has their own personal magnetism, and depletion of life energy via whatever reason, including masturbation pushes you or other people way from you, whereas when you have it, the whole world seems to just open up for you. Like attracts like as they say. A person with no energy will attract nothing, since life is indeed energy. You'll attract whatever you're attuned with. So if your mind is on porn, you'll watch porn. If you're a drug addict you'll attract likewise, and people here want to or have quit porn, and have all gathered in one place here also.

All I can is that I'm noticing some big changes in my life, especially in the way I interact with people, and with whom I interact. Even if it doesn't work out with this women, I know I'll bounce back and just see it as one of those things, whereas beforehand I'd of been angry and full of self pity, blaming everyone but me really.

I've meditated for over 12 years now, practically daily, and the improvements of quitting well, that has surprised me the most. It's like all the peace of mind I should of had with the meditating has come and hit me all at once. I just don't seem to have any thoughts plaguing me anymore, no major worrying at all really, and my outlook is positive, my thoughts clear, and my thoughts pure. I feel like I've been born anew. I notice I don't get the porn flashbacks everyone talks of though, I'm putting this down to the meditation because it's very easy for me to direct my thoughts now where I will them. Strength of will is something I have gained also, I just seem calm and more focused, with a peaceful energy, and I can concentrate as long as I need to. No longer is my mind wandering off to and for, and settling on porn when bored. Which is another thing, that feeling seems to have vanished and with restlessness also. Even when there's nothing to do.

Spiritually quitting has been massive for me. And maybe soon I can go through life having no vices whatsoever. I quit smoking at the beginning of the year, and that has laid down the foundation to this. Barring my two mishaps I'm finding quitting porn itself quite easy, and it's not something I think about at all really, thankfully.

My voice is deeper, and more assured, I'm holding conversations with people, even with people I don't know very well, and my reasoning and my intellect have all improved, or perhaps returned to normal I should say, or maybe I'm feeling what it is like to be normal for once. My energy levels are much higher, and I'm waking up, wanting to get up and go about my day. My wit and humour have returned, I no longer concern myself with the petty things. Wanting to learn new things and generally just keeping busy instead of lazing around within the fog that porn brought upon my mind. Even my skin has a shine to it that it never had before, and my eyes have a light, an energy that was never there before. I just feel really confident without really changing much about my own character or personality really. It's like having a veil to my true-self lifted, which allows others to come closer to me also. The whole social thing just seems to effortless now.. I used to think it was hardwork, and people were just talking for talking sake, I used to think it was everyone else with a problem, talking about trivial things, because they were small minded. But now I realise people are social creatures at heart, and learning to interact, and understand people is a key part of life.. Granted not everyone is my cup of tea, but I seem to be connecting with people who I get on with better now anyway. My legs no longer ache after walking long distances either, overall I'm healthier.

Another weird change that I've noticed, is that when I walk past a group a lads I would normally be fearful or wary for no real discernible reason, and the other people walking by would always try and stare me out or "look hard" or give me attitude as they say, but now it's the others who can no longer can hold eye contact with me. Not like I'm going around trying to intimidate people, but it's a strange thing to see people" mainly the "ne'er do wells".react to me that way.. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't oddly satisfying.

Any thanks to this site and others who have helped me on the way. Other than the whole flatline period could destroy a potential relationship thing, and the annoying insomnia, it's gone quite well really. And even then it could be a blessing in disguise, since any relationship formed wouldn't be one solely based on sex and orgasm.

Just thought I'd share my experience. And trust me before quitting I probably wouldn't even of cared to do so.

Cheers!!

HEy

I have been meditating for the past two years now. I also want to quit pmo due to spiritual reasons. It's almost impossible to meditate on the day of a relapse. But it's also difficult to meditate now for me due to the withdrawn syndromes but I know that I will feel better some day; just don't want to give in to pmo. Whenever I pmo'ed there is this sensations that occurs at the base of my spine as if "kundalini" is telling me to stop doing pmo. I have tried and failed many times but I hope to succeed one day. Btw what kind of meditation do you do? Good luck!

Meditation

[quote=rak173]I have been meditating for the past two years now. I also want to quit pmo due to spiritual reasons. It's almost impossible to meditate on the day of a relapse. But it's also difficult to meditate now for me due to the withdrawn syndromes but I know that I will feel better some day; just don't want to give in to pmo. Whenever I pmo'ed there is this sensations that occurs at the base of my spine as if "kundalini" is telling me to stop doing pmo. I have tried and failed many times but I hope to succeed one day. Btw what kind of meditation do you do? Good luck![/quote]

Ahh, Kundalini I remember going through that when I was younger. I've been told it's one of the things that could actually cause sexual addictions, since it could unbalance the base chakra. I'm no expert though on it though.

And to talk of chakras, when I meditate I focus at the point of the third eye/brow chakra and move my attention inwards toward the pineal gland around the centre of the skull as I fall asleep at night.. or anytime I have a spare moment during the day. It's harder than it sounds, since it's basically a means to disconnect from your thoughts and feelings. It is those two that make it extra difficult to practice since they continuously pull your attention outwards into your thoughts. So it becomes like a fight for control at first.

And cheers Captainfalcon.

That's what I'm doing, just hope the flatline period comes to an end soon. Got to say if it wasn't for reading the things on this site and yourbrainonporn I'd be freaking out, but understanding what's going off helps a lot.

Thanks for taking the time to

to share your experience.

Any chance you could tell your partner that you want a month without orgasm? Believe me, there's plenty of other stuff you could do in the meantime.

I've been learning about the path of relationship. The goal is the same as solo meditation: feelings of wholeness, experiences of oneness with the Divine, balanced brain chemistry. Apparently partners can "balance" each other's energy this way, and the "sky's the limit." Smile

Have you nosed around in the Wisdom section of this site? It would be great to have your thoughts and experiences as you experiment.

About the ED, the fastest way through is no PMO, and a non-goal oriented approach to intimacy. Have you read this book: http://www.reuniting.info/tantric_sex_for_men_richardson

I'll also enable you to blog.

I think I'll

mention it to her next time I see her later on in the week, I'll see how it goes, she should be fine with it though. I'll check the other sections out, and the book. Thanks for mentioning the non-goal oriented approach to intimacy as well, didn't think of it like that before, probably caused myself some extra anxiety. Amusingly after being slightly concerned yesterday, I ended up with two erections out of the blue this morning and a wave of horniness. Previous relapses have made this easier to overcome temptation to orgasm though.

Another change I've noticed in myself is that I'm not just thinking about sex with her, but just being together in her company. Generally I just feel like a better person. Anyway I'll check those things out, and thanks again :)