Day 35. Longest I have gone without PM -AND- O. Overall I feel better each and everyday. I'd say I am at about 50% to full recovery mentally. I find it easier to laugh, joke at work, socialize and just be myself. My confidence level is through the roof. I walk with pride, I make eye contact with anyone who crosses my path, and I speak loud... Maybe too loud. Physically I'm 100%. Super duper hard morning erections, even spontanious erections at times. Which is pretty awesome considering I had the worst ED ever about 8 months ago.(Quit smoking weed and cigs probably helped). The 1st time I went without PMO (8 months ago) ED was my biggest concern. As soon as it came back I was always touching it and playing with it which eventually led me back into PMO. This time around I really have ignored it...without much effort too. The 2nd week was pretty rough but since then I can easily ignore my erections. I run alot.....ALOT.. and work out alot, im sure that must help releave the tension.
My last blog entry I mentioned how seeing any even remotely cute woman on TV, commercial, liquor store ad, walking through the mall would give me a huge pump of andrenaline or.... dopamine rush. The moment I seen a sexy woman 2D or 3D I would get this feeling in my heart like I'm looking at porn. I wouldnt necessarily get an erection but that RUSH was definitly there. Marnia mentioned that the feeling is natural for the 1st month or so and will slowly go away. She's right, like always. I still get the feeling but less so now than ever. It makes me laugh when I see these 2-D woman. I feel like that "rush" some how coincides with my anxiety. Today was my 1st day of college (after workin an 8 hr shift) and my anxiety was pretty weak considering the situation with all the beautiful woman walking around. Since my 1st stint of PMO soberness which led to quitting weed and cigs I have lost a considerable amount of weight. I'm down too 7~9% body fat and gained quite a bit of muscle which really gives me confidence. Especially today when I turned quite a few heads at college. It makes me laugh alot. I love it... I love the feeling of laughing again. A real laugh.