Well, it was a good run and I learned a lot. I was fiercely disappointed with myself when I MO'd late one night recently. Then I compulsively M'ed again maybe a day or two later. I felt super cranky and even daydreamed about killing myself.
It's weird to experience these feelings and to think that maybe a lot of my imbalances over the years have had to do with the ups and downs of the dopamine rollercoaster.
There were some positive discoveries which came from this "failure," to be sure. It's good to be reminded what is and isn't important.
But now I just long to get back into the equipoise I had when I was MO free. So here I am, on day 1.
And now, I'm going for a walk.