Day 40ish or 41ish road rage and restraunt rage out of town

Submitted by Confinement84 on
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Day 40 or 41 of no PMO. And exactly 8 months sober from Marijuana! My anxiety seems to be up and down. 1 Day I feel great, the next day I feel antsy in the same situation or setting. Which I guess is better then feeling Antsy and down everyday back when I was PMOing.

I was out of town staying in a hotel with 3 other coworkers for 3 days and I noticed something. My coworkers rely on so many substances to control their mood. Feeling tired in the morning? Coffee. Feeling stressed out? Cigarette. Mid day crash? Redbull. Anxiety after work? Alcohal. Too drunk? Weed. Feeling Horny? Masturbate. Can't sleep? Tylenol PMs. Watching them from a sober standpoint really reminded me of how I used to be. I could never just be "normal" me. I always relied on a drug of some sort or PMO to regulate my feelings. It feels good to be free. Free from the BS.

I'd also like to note that I have had some weird mood swings the last few days. I felt on edge, tense, ready to fight? Easily irritated perhaps? Maybe its just being out of town staying in a hotel with my 3 pot smoking,drunk coworkers? I ended up getting in a physical fight with my coworker in a fancy restraunt 1 night (No I did not drink or smoke). The 2nd night I was driving back to the hotel and a stranger was riding my ass on the highway. I ended up brake checking him hard. He came up beside me and started to scream. Meanwhile I'm flipping him off and waving good bye as I get off the exit ramp to my hotel. He doesn't realize I'm exiting and drifts up beside me. He accidently drives right into the dirt, losing control, over stearing and crashes into the middle divider. I drove straight back to the hotel shocked at what I just witnessed, reflected back on my last few days and was wondering if I had an anger problem.

For the most part I feel like I handle things rather well considering the crap I put up with, on the flipside sometimes I just snap. Especially now that I've been cutting back on PMO for 8 months slowly and 41 days completely sober from PMO I really don't take much shit from anyone. But sometimes I wonder if thats even a good thing? Maybe I should let some things slide. Hopefully my mind will balance itself out as i continue on with my no PMO streak. Sometimes I feel like I have the emotions and maturity of a 16 year old but trapped in a 27 year olds body. Many years ago when I got busted for smoking pot and was forced to go to the doctors to get some advice to quit my habit I recall something interesting the doctor told my mother. He said that Marijuana brings maturity growth in the brain to a halt until they can overcome their addiction. Hmmmmmm..... I have alot to work on.

Comments

Dude, f*cking awesome post.

Dude, f*cking awesome post.

This is one of the goals I would like to achieve. Take shit from no man!

I feel you with Mary J. Shes a vengeful woman when you abuse her.

Glad to hear you are 8 months clean. I'm about 3.5 months clean. Best decision I have ever made with my life.

Honestly, you sound like you are having fun exploring life again. The post was an awesome adventure!

Sorry about the temper tantrums

Maybe you should ask recreatingone to make you a hypno tape to give your subconscious a new suggestion. You can also feed yourself conscious suggestions like, "I am a calm and centered force of peace...but also know when to stand my ground."

Yeah, it's scary how many chemicals people alter their moods with. There are lots of natural ways to regulate mood, though. Exercise and meditation get rave reviews.

How's school?

Thats some great advice

Thats some great advice guys. I like what you said about Karma and sometimes you just have to be the bigger man. Be nice to somebody thats not so nice to you. I will really work on that. It is so difficult though because my coworkers are the rudest, fowl mouth ,racist ppl on the face of this planet. I work in contruction and they have the typical stereotype construction attitude and quite honestly over the last 8-9 years it really rubbed off on me. It is part of the reason I decided to go to college, to get an education and leave this company to work for some respectable adults.

I think the hypno tapes and meditiation is a fascinating idea and something I'll definitly look into. As far as excercising goes to naturally regulate my mood I do so almost everyday. Though I do quite a bit of strength training as well which I would imagine boosts my testosterone a little too much in conjunction with my no PMO? Hmmmmm...
PS. School is going well Marnia thanks for asking. My next class begins this Tuesday and I'm really looking forward to it. Thank you all for your comments that really gave me alot to think about. Til next time... Adios!