Day 40 or 41 of no PMO. And exactly 8 months sober from Marijuana! My anxiety seems to be up and down. 1 Day I feel great, the next day I feel antsy in the same situation or setting. Which I guess is better then feeling Antsy and down everyday back when I was PMOing.
I was out of town staying in a hotel with 3 other coworkers for 3 days and I noticed something. My coworkers rely on so many substances to control their mood. Feeling tired in the morning? Coffee. Feeling stressed out? Cigarette. Mid day crash? Redbull. Anxiety after work? Alcohal. Too drunk? Weed. Feeling Horny? Masturbate. Can't sleep? Tylenol PMs. Watching them from a sober standpoint really reminded me of how I used to be. I could never just be "normal" me. I always relied on a drug of some sort or PMO to regulate my feelings. It feels good to be free. Free from the BS.
I'd also like to note that I have had some weird mood swings the last few days. I felt on edge, tense, ready to fight? Easily irritated perhaps? Maybe its just being out of town staying in a hotel with my 3 pot smoking,drunk coworkers? I ended up getting in a physical fight with my coworker in a fancy restraunt 1 night (No I did not drink or smoke). The 2nd night I was driving back to the hotel and a stranger was riding my ass on the highway. I ended up brake checking him hard. He came up beside me and started to scream. Meanwhile I'm flipping him off and waving good bye as I get off the exit ramp to my hotel. He doesn't realize I'm exiting and drifts up beside me. He accidently drives right into the dirt, losing control, over stearing and crashes into the middle divider. I drove straight back to the hotel shocked at what I just witnessed, reflected back on my last few days and was wondering if I had an anger problem.
For the most part I feel like I handle things rather well considering the crap I put up with, on the flipside sometimes I just snap. Especially now that I've been cutting back on PMO for 8 months slowly and 41 days completely sober from PMO I really don't take much shit from anyone. But sometimes I wonder if thats even a good thing? Maybe I should let some things slide. Hopefully my mind will balance itself out as i continue on with my no PMO streak. Sometimes I feel like I have the emotions and maturity of a 16 year old but trapped in a 27 year olds body. Many years ago when I got busted for smoking pot and was forced to go to the doctors to get some advice to quit my habit I recall something interesting the doctor told my mother. He said that Marijuana brings maturity growth in the brain to a halt until they can overcome their addiction. Hmmmmmm..... I have alot to work on.