I"m intrigued by the variety of Karezza posters at Reuniting. There are those established couples who use this way of making love to get closer, scale new heights of mutual pleasure, and become ever younger and healthier during the process. There are equally established couples who are sadly divided between one who would like to do the same and the other who expresses no interest. Then, there are the younger couples, starting out in a way I would have found incomprehensible at their age. Finally, there are innumerable singles, pining for a partner to try Karezza with. There don't seem to be many like me, with a partner who is more than willing to go along with non conventional sex, but where the results of this have been less than spectacular.
So I thought I might compile a Karezza 'wish list', to remind myself why I'm experimenting with this way of making love, and to monitor progress.
First and foremost, I'm after pleasure. This is hedonistic, but only up to a point. The sort of pleasure I want is the all consuming one that might be called ecstasy.
Then, I'm looking for a better relationship with my wife. That isn't to say I don't consider my current relationship good. I do, but it could be improved. We battle a lot, and always have done. My desire to make things more harmonious between us reflects the fact that I believe part of my life's purpose is to make peace with someone who has, from the moment I set eyes on her, seemed an inseparable part of my being.
I would also like various, relatively minor but still mildly distressing habits to fall by the wayside. I wouldn't say no to having more energy. Though I'm not particularly aware of any current shortfall, more of a spring in my step, especially in the mornings, would be great. I'm prone to irritation and anger, which it would be delightful one day to report was no longer the case. I still bite the skin round my fingers, and I'm aware of living with a consistent, very low level of anxiety that would be a blessing to watch melt away. I have a suspicion that this anxiety began around the time of my first orgasm ...
I also favour the idea of an active sex life that goes on and on as we age. This was happening anyway, but I like the notion that with Karezza we could be even more active, doing far less.
A month or so into my (our) most recent non orgasmic Karezza phase, I can report the following:
No ecstasy, yet. I - we - still find Karezza extremely pleasant and occasionally exciting but on the whole fairly soporific. I"m mildly distressed I quite often find my mind wandering, which I rarely experienced when making love in the traditional way. I'm even more distressed to find when that happens I realise I am ready to call it a day and read a book instead. I find this baffling. During conventional sex someone would have had to come in the room and stick a knife in my back to get my attention. Now, my attention just isn't there.
I'm still irritable, prone to cuticle biting, and vaguely anxious. My relationship with my wife is okay, although she seems a bit more moody.
We have been unusually inactive sexually. This could be largely circumstantial, due to an overfull house, but I doubt it, as the biggest difference I've noticed, after having avoided orgasm for a month, is an almost complete loss of interest in any form of sex! If my wife proposes Karezza, I find myself actually debating whether I want to be bothered. Bothered? Whenever my wife proposed sex in the past, I was enthralled. My whole being would light up. Now, I find I the prospect insufficiently enticing to want to make the effort to rouse myself. All in all, I feel as if I've been partially neutered.
Along with this disinterest in making love, I've also lost interest in masturbation, hardly even notice pretty girls in the street, and find myself strangely indifferent to scantily clad temptresses popping up on my computer. Can this be normal?
When we do get together, erections come easily enough, often simply as the result of kissing; but I very rarely have them otherwise. There's still plenty of cuddling, but the erotic spark is missing. The hunger's gone, and I"m not sure I like it.
In a nutshell, my mood seems much the same, our relationship is not that different, our lovemaking is hardly effervescent, and I'm becoming indifferent to sex. Blimey!
One thing worthy of note is that I am having much less difficulty than before in avoiding orgasm. However, as we have been making love so seldom, and I have such a hard time keeping my mind on what we're doing, anyway, this is hardly surprising.
I realise it is very early days. For the most part, all our previous attempts at sustained Karezza over a reasonable period of time had been scuppered by me upping the ante. Now I am no longer doing this, maybe the dust needs to settle. I'm mindful of Darryl"s advice to give it a good six months. My major concern is, if we do that, and things still haven't picked up, we may find we have lost the desire to return to a normal sex life. At present, we're certainly not one of those couples who would prefer no sex to conventional sex. We really enjoy (enjoyed?) conventional sex!