‚ô•Couples journey

Submitted by gentle love on
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I am part of a couple and we've been together for six years. We live together half the week and I work in a different city three days a week. I read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow lat October and it resonated with me so much that I began experimenting with being non-orgasmic. I noticed that I had more energy milder mood swings and no more vaginal infections. My partner,although curious about the bonding exercises wanted no part of being non-orgasmic. We decided we would still have traditional sex but he would come outside of me and masturbate. My desire to do the exercises increased and he agreed to do them with me. We got to the end of the exercises which I found blissful which he found pleasant but not very pleasurable, he went on a trip and began masturbating frequently. Now we are on our second round of the exercises. He has agreed to abstain from orgasm, commit to doing the exercises wholeheartedly for the next two months and then we will reevalutae. This time we are mixing them up. I put the numbers 1-21 on pieces of chocolate and he picks then out of a box. I thought it might add a little juiciness for him because his main complaint is that karezza isn't juicy enough. Last night we did the scizzors position and I loved it. The stillness is very powerful for me and I feel rushes of love for him and myself and my life. He said he liked it. He was able to be with his feelings of arousal and not shut down his heart. I am really glad about that. I appreciate his doing karreza at all because it clearly is not his preference.
We love each other and want each other to be happy. Karezza is my vision that I've had my whole adult life of using sexuality to relax, get closer and more intimate with my partner and to feel connected to the oneness of the universe.
Comments or sugestions will be greatly appreciated.
Gentle Love



Karezza is quite an adjustment.

I have a couple of suggestions. First, a lot of couples here say that my book is the "why" and that they needed Diana Richardson's book to understand the "how." The good news is that the Richardsons' book for men is much shorter than mine. Wink Your partner might find it a better way to understand where the "juice" is in karezza. Here are some excerpts from the book: http://www.reuniting.info/tantric_sex_for_men_richardson

Second, I've started a new blog that consists of issues couples after ask about. One of the entries is "Won't I be bored?" Here's the blog, as you may find other questions of interest too. http://www.reuniting.info/blog/941

Thanks for trying the ideas. Hope you two find your way to a workable approach. Keep us posted.


I have some thoughts for you and your guy but want to ask a question first. When you are practicing karezza style love making does your guy maintain his erection?

Darryl, We have only

We have only practiced karezza intercourse three times as we went back to the drawing board after that. When we did I would say he maintained his erection.

The reason I asked if your

The reason I asked if your guy was maintaining an erection is because a man generally looses focus and participation during sex when he is soft. An erection is usually an expression of masculine force alive in the male body. I think in the beginning of attempting karezza style lovemaking a certain amount of arousal is probably required to capture a man's attention, especially a reluctant one.

It sounds like you two are on your way but if you find yourself loosing him you may want to up the arousal level to keep his attention, as long as he stays commited to not orgasming. A sort of meeting in the middle.

If I had one piece of advise to give your man it would be to refrain from orgasming if he continues to self pleasure. If he keeps on orgasming and ejaculating when he's with himself his brain will stay in the old well worn pattern and wont create space to develop a new way of approaching love making. Instead of masturbating which is orgasm driven he could consider "solo cultivation" which is developing an erection, feeling the arousal flow and simply playing with the energy rather than ejaculating it out.

If this is difficult for him and he's finding the exchanges a little tame for his tastes you could consider offering him as much intercourse as he would like as long as he commits to refraining from orgasm. I'm a strong believer of both partners yeilding in some way to make new changes settle in. Usually if one person is doing most of the yielding, even if its just perceived, that person can offen dig their heels in and end up sabotaging the movement you want to create.

These are just some thoughts for you and you may be well on your way without any changes in your approach. In the end only you and him can decide what you will create together.

I wish you the best.

couples journey

Thanks so much. I am going to have Gary read this. What you suggest is exactly what we are doing and what he is doing. He will be very happy to be validated. Thanks for taking the time to write this thoughtful reply. Things continue to improve. We are finding the place of safety and juiciness. I appreciate all of your help.

Thanks for the positive

Thanks for the positive feedback. I love the community here on this forum. Its great to share this unique journey with fellow travelers. I believe we have discovered a wonderful way to heal the discord that so often develops between man and woman and create such a sweet harmony.

Thank you for...

... the great read, everyone. :)

"I feel rushes of love for him and myself and my life." -- this sounds so amazing, gentle love.

"An erection is usually an expression of masculine force alive in the male body." -- and this is really interesting Darryl! My girlfriend and I practiced karezza this morning, very early morning, before work. I was quite sleepy. I noticed that when I had a full erection I was much more present, alive, vibrant. When I went soft, the sensation and experience was still very pleasent, but I became sleepy! It seems to match with what you've written here.