Submitted by balance on
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Hello, my boyfriend and I have just started practicing Karezza. We are starting the exchanges tonight, so maybe during this time, this question will be answered. What I'm wondering, is how can a man become erect and a woman become wet without conventional foreplay? We've been practicing non-orgasmic sex, but we still do regular foreplay often (although really cut back on oral sex). I feel that I would not be able to get wet, and ready for intercourse, if I'm not stimulated or "heated up" first. Is there a way around this? I don't want to have intercourse without being wet because it hurts me, but at the same time I want to make sure we are not over-stimulating or heating ourselves up. Any suggestions?

Good question!

I wondered the same thing in the beginning (and welcome to the forum, by the way)~~but I have to tell you that conventional foreplay is *not* needed for either person to be ready for intercourse!

Once you both become more and more sensitive to each other, it will not take much at *all* for you to be ready. Once you learn to truly relax your pelvic floor (Diana Richardson's books are so good at explaining how to do it), you will find it becomes a beckoning magnet for your boyfriend's penis. Your kisses and light touch will be more than enough to excite him.

And once you start to relax this way and learn about opening up through your breasts, your vagina will respond abundantly. The amount of liquid that starts to flow once you are truly relaxed and magnetized toward your boyfriend can be amazing. And we find it never runs out during intercourse.

There are times when we just want to go straight to intercourse (to "plug in" or "connect") and so we do keep lubricant on the nightstand~~

So do the Exchanges, learn to go slow and softly (sensation versus stimulation), and your bodies will start to become more and more sensitive. (we are at the point where just tongue kissing can sometimes be too much for my lover and can send him over the edge--who would have ever thought that was possible?)

It does take time, so be patient. Concentrate on everything you are feeling, especially between your genitals. Give a loving touch at all times. Don't let your thoughts wander to other things. Keep your vagina as relaxed as you can.

It will happen and it just gets better and better the longer you do it. I hope you start a blog here!


~Be present when you are with people. Breathe deeply and listen not only with your ears but more importantly with your heart~~


To be wet and hard instead of hardly wet. (Play on words there)

For us we lay face to face with our genitals touching. Usually genital touching does the trick. Its like our genitals call to each other. We also use our hands to simply stroke one another's bodies. I love running my hands up and down her back, exploring her spine, muscles and soft skin, very erotic for me.

Also, that first penetration is a very slow affair so we find a lot of wetness is not required. If thing are a touch too dry, a little spit, (hope this doesnt gross anyone out) does the trick. We dont like artificial lubricants. O'natural for us.

A little more about foreplay

I just wrote a reply to you, Balance, but instead of posting here discovered that I had posted instead on a similar thread. Here it is again:

Just a little more in addition to what Darryl and Rachel have already said: Yes, do the exchanges. Yes, keep bringing your mind back to your sensations. Yes, relax.

We have been practicing a little more than nine months. Interestingly, I noticed today that I was enjoying touching him and enjoying his touch so much that I felt no pressure for penetration. I was just relaxing into the sensations.

I am the one who cues entry (probably most women do), and I have an inner knowing about when my body is ready. It has little to do now with wetness and more to do with having felt the energy open around our genitals.

I generally ask or suggest a position to cue entry. Today, I asked, "Would you like to do scissors or side by side?" He replied, "Scissors. We've just done side by side." This fit my experience perfectly. Our "foreplay" was in side by side and felt complete and whole, not at all like an appetizer before the main course.

We regularly use almond oil, recommended by Diana Richardson, as a lubricant, but we are in our 60s! lol! Having just reread Darryl's post, though, perhaps we'll try it without.

May your practice bring you much joy!

"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

thank you!

great suggestions! The exchanges have been going really well, my boyfriend says he feels great, he thought he would become sexually frustrated but instead he says he feels at peace and much more connected to me. We haven't done any tongue kissing at all for the past few days, so I'm guessing when we start doing that again, it will be much more exciting than it was before.

I feel that sometimes it is difficult to stay relaxed and keep my thoughts in focus, but I'm getting better at it with patience and practice. I also ordered some jojoba oil online for when we start having intercourse again (I read on a forum here that some people use that as a lubricant and it works well).

I will definitely start a blog soon, so glad to have found these forums :D

Jojoba oil

My partner and I both were irritated by this oil. It put us out of commission for a number of days. Now we just use all natural, unprocessed, SPIT! It's Paleo!


Goddesses like inspiring men to conquer dragons.

Aloe Vera Gel

Along with spit, Aloe Vera Gel works great. Get the 99% pure stuff. Besides being an excellent lubricant it has great skin healing properties as well.


For those of you using the various oils, do they stain your sheets if some leaks out?

We occasionally use Liquid Silk (it's water-based) and like it because it comes in a pump, lol, (very handy when you're stretched across the bed reaching for it) and feels like the real thing~~my vagina is sensitive to most things, but I do fine with it, so I see no reason to change for now, but might try something different when the container runs out.

But just wondered about the oil stains! (I have nice sheets and don't want to ruin them)

But spit works great, too! We do that more often than not~~


~Be present when you are with people. Breathe deeply and listen not only with your ears but more importantly with your heart~~

Didn't notice stains yet

We tried Olive Oil for a little while. It was recommended to my wife by a therapist (she was having tightness issues). I didn't care for it, for some reason it felt like there was tiny things in it that took away the feeling (like fine sandpaper). But we did not have any issues with cleaning the sheets.

To the original question, my wife doesn't really use lubricants anymore thanks to karezza. Just some gentle time holding and light touching warms her up. She also initiates any intercourse so she can become comfortable by directing me into her gently. I think the change is due to no pressure and her relaxing. In the past the need to perform got to her. Now she no longer cares about performing.

Cocoa Butter

We have been using 100% pure cocoa butter. It is a hard stick when it is room temp but with a little body heat it quickly melts, we love the way it smells and tastes, like chocolate! It does not loose it's lubricity like some of the water based stuff.