Well at long last, I've reached my goal of 90 days without porn. It feels like it has been so long since the last session, but that's probably because so much has happened in the span of 90 days.
For starters, the last stretch was the hardest for me from day 69 to now because on day 69 I decided to masturbate. That's when everything got rocky. Following that MO session were chaser effects that were unforgiving, coupled with cravings, and finally more masturbation. I kept telling myself I'd stop after this one time, but it was increasingly difficult because every time I masturbated, I had a wet dream the same night or soon after. It's really hard to abstain when you have a wet dream right when you decided to abstain. This happened a total of three times, and the third wet dream was a pornographic one that was very shameful. I couldn't believe a part of my mind was still so messed up after all that time. After that one though, I was able to abstain completely, but the two weeks following have been the worst in terms of cravings. Two more days will be 2 weeks post orgasm so we'll see then.
I had honestly hoped that over the span of 90 days I would not get porn cravings anymore, and though it may just be chaser, it still robs me of my confidence. I'm very unsure of myself and abstaining right now. For the first time in this 90 day period, it would be very easy for me to watch porn now. However, I am getting better at separating my sexual urges from my overall state. I guess they call that a focus shift. Before, I never had the focus to shift.(What a shift!)
It's not all bad though. The mood swings have finally stopped, and I generally feel great most of the time. Once in a blue moon I'd feel the depression of not knowing what I'm going to do with my life, but it usually doesn't last more than an hour tops. I talk to people a lot easier than before and I don't feel pain in my heart anymore. In fact, there are some weird occurrences where my chest literally feels like it's breathing. (You know that feeling you get when you rub Vicks Vaporub on your body?) Weird indeed. Nowadays, I require my own alone time. It's much different though from 3 months ago in that I enjoy the alone time. I love people and hanging out with friends, but not in excess. I enjoy my own company a lot more than I used to. Reading, drawing, listening to music, playing music, and watching my favorite shows are all of my favorite things to do again. Before I was always in need of company because I felt lonely, but when I got around people I felt uneasy. Jeez...I've also built up a tolerance for extreme stimuli like gaming. I can't play games for as long as I used to and I can literally feel my brain yelling for me to stop playing! That's when I go and do something more balancing. Really weird.
For everyone reading this and doing the reboot, I am finally happy. I type that with a tear in my eye because I don't reflect much about how far I've come.
I wish you all not luck, but stubbornness, tenacity, determination, and the spoils of victory!