Use It or Lose It?

Submitted by Shiva on
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Been 34 days without an O. Cravings pretty much gone after a couple of weeks. In fact desire for sex itself has waned. Just wondering if I will lose the ability, both mechanically and emotionally, if I don't engage in oargasmic sex.

Read your book, Peace and found it informative. Read about everything on your website as well. Am in a committed relationship for many years.

Haven't had intercourse for a few months. Trying loosely the exchanges. Haven't got her to read the book but outlined the process.

Whoa!

This site is not focused primarily on giving up orgasm. That just SEEMS like it should be the headline. It's really about the power of relationships to heal. (They also have enormous spiritual potential, according to many ancient texts.)

Affectionate exchanges with your partner are a vital part of this effort. Have a look at this article: http://www.reuniting.info/science/ecstatic_exchanges_and_neurochemistry This is a joint effort of selfless healing, and both yin and yang energy are vitally important.

Would your partner be willing to read any of the articles on this website even if she's not into the book? (Maybe: http://www.reuniting.info/science/two_types_of_libido ?) Does she like romantic writing? (Maybe http://www.reuniting.info/karezza_method_lloyd ?) Does she have a particular spiritual path? (See the left-hand column here: http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom )

There are many starting places. Just give me a bit more information about her tastes.

Let us know how you're doing.

Restating and Clarifying

>>This site is not focused primarily on giving up orgasm
OK, I stand corrected. I get your message. I was focusing on the sex part specifically the orgasm as what I was missing. In reality, I am longing for the connection with her and hoping to heal. Sex was the surrogate for that.

>>Would your partner be willing to read any of the articles on this website even if she's not into the book?
I mentioned the site and the book. She needs to take the step now.

We are dealing with other issues in our marriage so sex is on hold I think it may be premature to deal with Karezza till we get on track but then again, the Exchanges may be a ticket back.

Not having that physical connection is difficult for me and she purports it is not affecting her at all.

*sigh*

I hear you. It is VERY painful when libidos go out of sync. I've been on both sides of that problem, and it was always miserable (why do you think I was desperate enough to consider such an unfamiliar solution to relationship harmony???)

Anyway, why not tell her that it's the connection you miss and that sex was the only way you knew to get there. Ask what kind of non-foreplay touch she would like, say a shoulder rub, and deliver it (without moving into intercourse...you are trying to calm her subconscious aversion and that will take a bit of time). Believe it or not, giving selflessly in this way will actually calm you...even without the sex I know you're longing for.

The first two weeks of Exchanges in our book don't even involve intercourse, and yet couples usually report a playful intimacy that is very satisfying. This helps libidos come back into sync. If you don't want to get the book, you can see other types of Exchanges on this page: http://www.reuniting.info/resources/exchange_of_the_day (Just refresh the page to change to another suggested Exchange.)

(If you can't see an actual exercise, let me know. We just upgraded something on the site and I now see that the java script doesn't work in my browser.) However, you can create your own exchanges: exchanging foot massages and head massages are two really nice ones.

Good luck. In my experience, selfless exchanges of affection definitely CAN help with other marital issues. (http://www.reuniting.info/testimonials/2006/marriage_counseling_versus_e...) Yin and yang can be quite powerful when combined lovingly, but without creating a sub-conscious sense of lack

All the best,
M

Exchanges of the day

[quote=Marnia Robinson]you can see other types of Exchanges on this page: http://www.reuniting.info/resources/exchange_of_the_day (Just refresh the page to change to another suggested Exchange.)

(If you can't see an actual exercise, let me know. We just upgraded something on the site and I now see that the java script doesn't work in my browser.)[/quote]

Marnia ([wink]) directed the operation to find out why the exchange of the day page wasn't working. She asked me but I couldn't find what was wrong [heul]. She then asked one of her friends ([weiblich]) who found the problem [ok] ! The investigation team 8) found out that the culprit was the newly added smileys module which was adding smiley tags where it shouldn't have [boese]. The offending smiley has been removed from the page. So now, I am taking my revenge by overusing them }:) .

Anyway: the page is working now. [bigsmile]

Happy Exchanges of the Day [kiss] ! (and you can suggest new ones in your blogs.)

And remember: [ying]

Thanks for understanding. I

Thanks for understanding. I do have the book and found it very interesting. Hope she decides to give it a read.

I have told her that the previous sexual connection was my primary way of connecting with her but lately connecting without the sex has been very meaningful. I told her I beleive we are increasing our spectrum of connecting with sex out of the equation. Going forward I hope to reestablish that sexual connection using the Karezza method. It will be one of many connections we express ourselves through.

Selfless non-forplay touch has worked for us. We have done non-goal oriented, (no intercourse) giving such as cuddling, massaging, etc and that has worked well. It is not consistent but when we do, we do get more in synch. I believe you are right on target with your advice.

I am committed to the Karezza method and think that a lot of our past issues arose out of the orgasm-centered proccupation that posessed me.

My goal in writing is to share my experience and gain insight.