Little long but please take your time to read. I need help.
I'm a young male who always liked to be dominated by woman and had a normal and straight sex life always. The thing I liked when fappin to shems is it's like they look like "dominant women" and I loved that fantasy. I've been jerking of to normal porn too since 5th grade and always liked women but nowadays it's hard for me to get very turned on by normal porn. I watch too many ballbusting vids. But still watch normal porn of brazzers, naughtyamerica etc. from time to time. As I've been masturbating everyday at least once it's hard for me to cum and keep my rock-hard-on in a women's genitalia for too long. I always ejaculate by blowjobs or handjobs. But that wasn't a big problem actually people say it's just about masturbating too much am I right? Or what's going on I used to love women and women body since I was a child and I still love it but that thing that I lived got me a little suspicious, what happened now, those are the things I started asking myself after I've been through this:
Few days ago when I was really drunk I just saw a shem at the street and went to her house. I was really drunk and couldn't get hard, she wasn't hard neither. She just wanted me to suck it but I didn't I just kissed and I refused and moved my head. She slightly try to finger my ass too but I didn't let it for too long too. But right now when I'm thinking I feel disgusted and really fucked up. Shame and disgusting.
And now when I'm sober the images come to my mind one by one and it makes me feel like puking and when I watch straight porn or femdom porn, I see the dicks and remember the moments.
I was always straight but that experience did put me in a little fucked up situation. I wouldn't do it when I'm sober but that kissing and fingering thing makes me wanna puke and I hate it. When I was fapping they were dominant females but when it's real it's not really working and it affects my psychology. What should I do? ( btw I was never and still not attracted to straight or normal men in any manners, not even a moment ) I hate myself for doing a stupid shit like this. It's like I made a mistake I can not correct any more.
I guess I like shemalecocks. The only problem is I don't want to like it. I want to go back to my old days when I was only turned on by the female body. Actually those shemales has female bodies too only with cock which makes them more dominant. But I don't want to like it and I think I want it to stay as a fantasy because it's ruining my life.
I always used to wank to normal porn before I found femdom porn.
From that day the videos I've been watching getting more extreme day by day and I was always wanking. After that point in my normal life I had sexual relationships with women some of them were really good but some of them I lost my hard on in pussy and had to cum by handjob or blowjob. Is it because of masturbation?
The questions are
I am afraid of losing my interest to women body. sometimes I think some vaginas are disgusting or I feel like I think that because I'm too suspicious. I was never attracted by a man or body of a man. Not even slightly.(no homophobia)
Won't I be able to enjoy something different then female domination or shemale porn.
I wanna go back to those old days. What's going on am I turning gay?
I read people telling they can suddenly turn gay or bi or something.
I'm completely confused.
This was not me.