I just had a marvelous success! The success of choosing not to reach any goal at all and still to be totally satisfied! That is, I managed to stop myself from having an orgasm and then carried the charge into a deep state of relaxed awareness. I had abstained from orgasm before but didn't do anything at all with the charge, just let it dissipate. One reason we are afraid to give up orgasm, I think, is that we do not know how to not do, how to just be charged, how to just be happy, how to transform energy into "just being". If we were to use the energy and charge built up in sex for other purposes besides procreation and orgasm, we would be very powerful indeed. our own power scares us and so we settle for something a little more manageable and mundane.
What a journey this is, to have the only goal be no goal at all! this is very freeing . . . that is, being comfortable with the nature of reality as an unbroken continuum of constant change. I think that when we have an orgasm our discomfort with the constant changeability and flux of life is obliterated for a split second - because in that split second we forget who we are. Orgasm is so satisfying because, ironically, it is the one time we are actually able to feel what it is like to have no goal at all, in that exhilerating moment when you are forced to let go and are blasted of all concepts of who you are and what you want.
i'll try to reign this in and speak in the first person. earlier sook had been wondering how to stop. when do you stop a lovemaking session if you don't reach orgasm? i would say, you stop the session when you've thought of something more creative to do with the energy. there's no point in giving up orgasm unless we find a more powerful replacement for it. It's sortov like the question, what do I do with all this built up power? This comes down to the purpose of sex. If we have moved beyond procreation and beyond entertainment and recreational sex, then sex must have another function, which many cultures have suggested to be healing, spiritual growth, intimacy, or prolonged states of reveling in ackknowledgement of the divinity of all things.
I did the deep breathing again this time, felt the electricity in my hands again, and channeled this electricity up into my spine and heart. The interesting thing is that the electricity felt cool. perhaps this is yin energy that i am only now experiencing for the first time. it is bright and clear, cool and expansive, not hot and red.
I then stopped masturbating completely, and noticed that when i took my hands off myself the charge in them began to dissipate. so i sat down in meditation and intuitively enclosed my fingers in a mudra, keeping the energy channelling back inside me, rather than having it leak out. i had only read about mudras and not used them before, but it was immediately apparent this would stop the energy leak and keep me in a charge. i then went into a deeply relaxed state of meditative awareness and awakeness that permeated my whole body.
i know that speaking of such experiences can deplete their power. but i mention this because i want to point out that if we manage to abstain from orgasm, it would be ridiculous not to use this charge for other things. moderm people always complain of not having enough energy, but really i think we are scared to have power, because we don't trust ourselves to use it well and creatively. using sexual energy on this level automatically implies that we must do something creative with it, I think. and this terrifies us, to be as electified, alive, awake and creative as we always say we want to be.
what shall i do with this energy today?
i am smiling, i know that. perhaps this is enough of a thing to do. just be content. what a concept!
i rest in natural great peace, which is alive.