Day 100

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Submitted by CaptainFalcon on
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Hello,

I'm going to try to keep this one short and sweet as I don't have much to say today. I'm going to start with the bad because I like happy endings.

The Bad: Abstaining from masturbation has been the hard part for me, but I've managed to stay away from porn. Everything was going well until day 69 when I decided to test myself and masturbate without porn, and that's when everything became rocky. I'm not sure if it's because it was too soon or not, but it ended up escalating into something fierce. Wet dreams galore coupled with cravings for super stimuli, and just flat out irritability. The last time I masturbated was a little over a week ago, and that was three times. i guess I had this idea that if I did it enough times, then I would dodge the wet dream that usually followed right when I was starting to get a few days away. REALLY BAD IDEA!

The depression, loss of focus, and cravings for porn were through the roof these past couple of days, and my will to abstain was so weak. I ended up looking at some nude art and ultimately coming to the conclusion that it did not do much for me. I even saw some pics of porn while image searching that did nothing for me either. WHAT THE HELL WAS I CRAVING? The worst part was the loss of perspective that I only managed to get back yesterday. I started to accept that I was the guy who craved porn and lived from one O to another. The saddest part was that started to look for Pro Pornography statistics. All in all, I really shouldn't masturbate...

The Good: After a week since the triple whammy, I've just now started to bounce back. I'm currently writing this on 5 hours of sleep and I don't feel too tired. It's REALLY nice to be in school again after the Withdrawal Summer Camp because every five minutes, I swear to myself that I just saw the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life. Today was just nuts too: First, one girl opened a door for me on my way out of school and said "Heeeey =D." Of course my initial response was something like "Hmm," god I'm such a dork lol. Naturally I looked back just to make sure that there was no one else she could've been talking to, and there wasn't. Then my mind started coming up with clever responses as late as ever. "Maybe you should've said hi." >.>
Second: A woman came out of an elevator, saw me on my way out of Barnes and Noble and just started smiling at me so genuinely. I saw almost all of her teeth! Again, I just stared in disbelief... Third: A girl walking on her phone as she just got off the train I was on, stops and stares at me like I was her phone. This whole day I could feel the magnetism whenever I looked at a girl in her eyes whereas a week ago, my eyes would automatically shift away from them as if we had the same magnetic charge. Another noteworthy...note... I find a lot more women attractive than I used to, and my backpack is my new best friend.

Well there I kept it short and sweet. Good. For anyone who may have doubts, keep it in perspective. Observe the data because it does not lie. That's one of the best ways to battle when your brain is the enemy. HARD EVIDENCE!

Comments

Thanks Marnia

I do own the book by Mantak Chia, and I have tried some of the stuff in it. Remember how I said that my body temperature increases when I abstain? When I did those exercises, I experienced overheating and I actually caught a fever/flu for about two weeks. The book did warn about cultivating the energy but keeping it balanced by releasing it every 4 days though, so I probably made a mistake somewhere. I've been taking hot then cold showers and I'm not sure just how much it helps, but I did it before and abstained for 69 days.

As a side note: I saw a video by you Marnia, and you have lovely eyes.

*blush*

Thanks.

It sounds like you're really sensitive to energy. I wonder if it would be worth finding a Daoist teacher or attending a seminar in your area. There could be a lot of energy there to tap, and maybe a master could help.

Sometimes people just have to accept that they're special in some ways.

Dude

It's mind blowing. I was wondering if they can feel it just the way we do because you know how women are supposedly more sensitive or psychic or whatever. I also wonder what would happen if I met all the girls I've ever met, all over again. First impressions set the stage and I feel the stage I'm operating from is way different than it was 4 years ago. It's crazy because it hasn't even been two weeks yet since the last O, so my imagination is running wild right now.