Day 69! Can't believe I made it this far. Its been 2 weeks since I last logged onto this site so I'll give you a little update to what I have been up to. Still going to college at nights , I love it. Work during the day, I hate it. Many of you suggested I look into positive Affirmations and Meditation. I do believe changing those little negetive voices in my head have played a huge part in my lack of confidence. I read PH.D Jon Kabat-Zinn's book " Full Catastrophe Living" on mindfulness meditation and I have been trying to practice it daily. I really think Mindfulness is a great way to tone down my anxiety and stress but I guess only time will tell. Any other books you guys and gals would like to recommend ? I am open to suggestions. :) Not just self-help books, fiction, non-fiction.. anything. I feel reading helps sharpen my mind,increases my vocabulary and improves my focus (which would probably help me in social situations).... which explains why my brain is so "slow"... because I haven't read a book in 12+ years! (I'm sure the drugs and PMO didn't help either). Now being enrolled in school and also taking your advice I am being forced to read actual books and I'm starting to enjoy it.
I'm horny alot, and I mean alot....... I'm not going to lie, recently I woke up to a morning erection and did M a little bit but I did not orgasm and I DEFINITLY did not look at any porn or even fantasize. I am 69 days in now and I still have NOT had a wet dream at all which blows my mind. In fact, I NEVER had a wet dream in my entire life and I'm 27 years old. Probably from looking at PMO since puberty. But is it normal to go this long with out a wet dream? My body really feels like it needs to release some tension. Physically I am 100% recovered from my addiction, by that I mean I have morning wood every day.. regular spontanious erections and my body as a whole is in fantastic shape. I also don't feel urge to look at porn at all. In fact recently I went to the movies with my friend and a pretty graphic nude scene showed up for a few minutes in a strip club with beautiful curvy girls everywhere. Not only did I not get aroused, I didn't even get that "heart rush" feeling or dopamine surge. Actually I tried not to even look directly into the breasts hahahaha....
P.S. Going to school is also helping with my anxiety. I'm constantly around woman now and even though at times I feel ackward striking up random conversations with them it is starting to feel more natural now. I can tell some are physically attracted to me but I feel as soon I open my mouth I give off a vibe like I'm a bad person, uneducated or what have you. After 10+ years of working in construction (with my racist,rude... and quite frankly asshole coworkers) my intellectual skills have seriously diminished, especially socially. I use too much slang, or naturally cuss too much or give off this cocky attitude that I'm really trying to lose. Part of it is probably my confidence has decreased over the years from looking at porn so much that I have to make up for it by being very aggressive, which turns off woman, gives them the wrong idea of who I am. And I think that is the root of my lack of confidence with woman.... my social skills, not how I look. This is a big reason why I have been trying to read alot more, go to school, quit video games and watch tv less, hell, even meditate. Anything to use my brain power.
Sorry for the late responses for those who sent me private messages. I'll try to pop on the site more often!