Submitted by Grover on
Printer-friendly version

First I want to state that I am not a womanizer; I have just gotten over a PMO addiction and ED. So, of course, I was not sleeping with alot of women. Yet, I have always enjoyed alot of attention from the opposite gender. With that being said, over the past couple 3 or 4 weeks, I know I could have been with maybe six or seven women. Some of them text/call me almost everyday or the signals are super obvious. Although I did not go all the way with any of them, only light kissing, touching... I feel like I am being dishonest with each of them individually if I sleep with them in addition with other ones.
I would not call myself a ladies man, but I am very friendly. Especially after getting over this PMO addiction, it seems like I always have the right thing to say. I am in college: teachers love me, classmate love me, administrators love me. I am also pretty attractive; girls tell me this alot, sometime out of the blue. So I have a group of six or seven very attractive woman that I could be with. I don't know what to do really. I dont know whether I should have sex with each and see who I have the best connection with. I really feel like a virgin because of PMO. Karezza? only 1 of them? What if I choose the wrong 1?

What do you think about womanizing/Manizing(women get around too)? I know that girls may run into the same issues?



Seems you're in a luxurious

Seems you're in a luxurious spot right now Grover. Dishonesty is only possible if you feel you're withholding information. So why not be clear upfront about your intentions and let the woman herself make the decision? You can tell her that you find her sexually attractive and want to have a good time with her, yet without any boundaries of exclusivity that will imprison you too much, at least at this time until things may get more seriously. And if that's too much for her, then it's no problem. You must be accepting to 'loose' her by being honest about yourself.

Let her decide if it is an acceptable situation for her. You may be surprised about the openness of women if you give them the time to think it through.

I can imagine that the

I can imagine that the temptation to jump into bed with all of them is very strong, having just recovered from ED - I have a long term illness which makes sex excruciatingly painful for me, and can imagine that if I suddenly recovered from it (sadly unlikely to happen soon) that I might well jump at the chance to have sex with any, or everyone who was attracted to me and I found attractive. But having just come out of a PMO addiction I guess you have been thinking about what you actually want, and if you have an interest in karezza then perhaps casual sex isn't the way forward. You spoke about finding the woman you had the best connection with, and I'm not sure really that sex is the way to find that.

Could you bear to wait a little longer, and get to know all these women better as friends? I would guess that it will be the one with whom you have the best emotional connection that you would ultimately end up having the best relationship and therefore best karezza sex with, if that is what you are interested in. I could be wrong, of course, but I'm pretty sure that with my ex, the reason that karezza was so amazing (before I got ill) was because of our emotional connection rather than out sexual compatibility. I think that the best I would expect to get from sex if I wasn't ready to invest in a relationship would be a great night of fucking. Which would be fun, of course, but would probably ultimately leave me feeling needy. I don't know about you.

I would say try consulting the oracle, and just go with what you feel is right for you (just don't listen too closely to your dick...) Try not to worry too much about picking the wrong girl though, whatever you choose. You're not promising to marry them after all... But, as thebeg said, make sure they know the score, and are happy with it.

Good luck,

Hugs, Kat

I agree with both Thebeg and

I agree with both Thebeg and katten. Give it some time and ENJOY it. Not a lot of people get to be in your shoes my friend. You need to appreciate the attention and get to know as many women as possible. When the time is right, you will know which one(s) to jump into bed with. Womanizing, to me, is not caring about the women's feelings. Using them for sex and not caring about what kind of emotional pain you have put them through. I was that guy once a long time ago and I regret it deeply. I was probably selfish but I also think my M/O addiction made it worse, I just didn't have empathy towards other people. YOU on the other hand, get to have the attention of women without being a dick. Just be honest and eventually one will stand out more than the others. You care about your actions and that is a good thing, you are not a womanizer.

Player, you're in college!

Why not go on some dates with each of these ladies, and choose from there? You're clearly living in abundance, so you've nothing to lose. And BTW, there's nothing immoral about keeping your private business PRIVATE, unless you're obviously misleading a girl. (Be aware of scene-politics within your college!)

But I'm sensing that you don't truly WANT to have the harem. Is that correct?

But if you do want the harem going on, I'll start you with this:
In my early 20s, I found myself having friends-with-benefits with Girl A,who knew about it when I started dating a Girl B. After a couple of sex-sessions with Girl B, I felt it was appropriate to let her know about Girl A, and see if she was cool with it, before things went further (emotionally). She was cool, everyone was out in the open. But in the next 2 weeks, I would get mindbending headaches during sex with each lady! So I shut down the sex with Girl A.

Well, just to play devil's advocate...

More choice does not in fact make humans happier. Those who pick from fewer choices are happiest. Finding a mate isn't like trying on shoes, and if you try on too many then you brain gets pickier and pickier (more and more critical). Even if it finds Miss Perfect, it will wonder if you could have found Miss Perfecter if only you had tried on a few more shoes. Smile

Good relationships depend on bonding behaviors more than "fit." That said, mating doesn't have to be a random accident. If you want input from your higher self, here's the oracle: http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/inner_wisdom_oracle [ying]

"What if I choose the wrong

"What if I choose the wrong 1?"
That's the problem with to many options. More choices usually means more stress. Get to know all of them, there is no wrong 1. I also agree with what Marnia said about mating not being a random accident. That is romantic and all but I think you need to slow down and enjoy your life. Find out what these girls are like and this will tell you who you most likely match up.

I just got back from a trip

I just got back from a trip without internet, so I am just reading the responses.

@ the beg- I like your advice alot. I always believe that honesty is the best policy. I also think that emotions are almost inevitable whenever people are have a sexual relationship. Even though they may know the score, I can not help but think that some girls will be really attached to me when I do not recepocate the emotions. I can already see that happening with certain ones. Some of the girls I would never want to have a real relationship with for various reasons. Should I say I want no strings attached sex? Is that even appropriate?

@katten Sorry about the illness; hopefully a recovery is in your near future. Thinking about what you said, i think that there is a clear front runner. Honestly, I am kind of scared about opening up to her. I really feel like an physical and emotional virgin. So, I do not know what I want: karezza or standard sex. Maybe I have to try them out and see what is best. Also, its hard to get to know them as friends too, girls are just as horny as men are out here. They are bringing up sex more than I am, but I also see reluctance because they do not want to be used.

@prodigal son- I think your right. I am just going to take my time. I should just listen to how I feel. I think that some time we may get an emotional boost from some much attention from the opposite sex. But ultimately it is unfulfilling.

@reginald. Yeah, I dont know if a harem is right for me. Especially from that story. Your definetely right about being able to move on from a bad choice. I am not marrying any of these women.

@Marnia Thanks for the insight. Miss perfect is all in my mind. I have read about the bonding behaviors, so I will keep that in mind.

Hi grover I tried to look

Hi grover I tried to look for your blog to read about your overcoming pmo and ed problem but couldn't find it. Would u mind sharing a little about your experience? How long it took etc? I appreciate your time

posted my story earlier..Here it is again, hopefully not 2 long

Hello All,
I have been reading the posts on and off for a while now. I think it is about time for me to tell my story, and be apart of the group of people who are recovering, although I think I am just about recovered.

I am going to be a bit thourough with my addiction to PMO, so that people can find similarities, or comment, or whatever. I came across pornography, of all places, in the library. PARENTS PLEASE SUPERVISE YOUR KIDS INTERNET ACTIVITY. I was doing homework there because I could not concentrate at home; I have a family of 8. Extended family are also frequent visitors. This would make it almost impossible to work in the house, or find peace and quiet. As I was at the library, one boy, who was sitting beside me, was looking at a picture of a woman with huge breasts. When I looked over, he exited the page abruptly, and began to laugh histarically. I remeber it pretty vividly. As a matter of fact, I remember the boy, the room, the computers, and the woman distinctly. That began the slope down to an addiction.
I knew I had to have more of the pornography, but had severe limitations. The family computer was in the living room, and public computers were too conspicuous although that rarely deters the mind of an addict. At first, I would only look at the family computer when my family was not there. I would search on google terms that were raunchy, but could be contrued innocently. I am laughing at myself while writting this. I would look up words like melons, fatty. I remeber being so scared that my parents/family would find out. I was so consummed by this addiction, which I now understand to be burst of dopamine that eventually that was not enough. I started surfing more hardcore material on both public computers and library computers. Imagine a 13 year old child constantly looking over his shoulder, while looking at lewd material. I WAS SO LAME. I am sure many people noticed, and turned a blind eye. I was not the only one either. At that point I had never mastubated. I actually never masturbated until I was 16 yo. This is a point that I want to make because I was getting rock solid erections until I was 18. So, I wonder if masturbation is a real problem with pornography. The act of looking at pornography by itself did not affect my erections, but I was also young, and not really seeing that hardcore material.
Eventually, I found out about masturbating to ejaculation. I was 16 yo. I live in very religious family, so sex really never came up unless it was about celibacy. Both of my parents were virgins when they were married, and preach celibacy and a pure lifestyle. I heard so much talk about it that, one day i masturbated to ejaculation, and it was like a breakthough. I remeber that vividly as well. My penis felt like a warm pleasurable fire.
Put that with pornography, and you have a problem. I would wait patiently for everyone in my family to go to bed, very often. As soon as they would go to bed, I was on the computer masturbating to pornography. The started to feel awful about the habit very early on. I am very religious, and I cant reconcile pornography with my religious belief. Moreover, I was taking advantage of the full faith of my family. I have still never spoken about it to them or anyone else, matter of fact.
So, I wanted to quit for those reasons for a long time. I would say since I was 15, but I was not very serious about it. By the time I was a senior in highschool. I was commited and dedicated to quitting, but I really could not put it down. Many nights I would climb into bed, and I could not stand myself. I would make another excuse, and say that it was the last time, but would do it the next day. I went to college, and I got a laptop. MISTAKE... I never had been as addicted to PMO as I was then. It started off relatively under control, maybe once a day, but it quickly got out of hand. Looking back on it; I would pmo every chance I got, between classes. Before I went to bed, when I was waking up. My grades suffered; my social life suffered. I can name sooo many women, who were giving extremely obvious signals of attraction and want, that I completely ignored. I was already taken, and mentally checked out. My life was really a haze; enjoyable, but there was so many real people, conversations, relationships that I missed because of this addiction.
I had wanted to quit for years now, and I was completely serious by the end of my freshman year. I had enough of the bad grades, lack of time, and my spirtuality had suffered. I tried and failed, tried and failed. Over and over again. I would try punish myself by fasting for a day if I watched pornography. That did not work, I just only lost weight. I tried to be more spiritual, that worked to an extent, but I had done it my whole life. So, I was not giving up, but I was not making significant progress. During this period, I lost my virginity. I get alot of women, but I was on a strictly religious celibacy thought, so I had turned down numerous fully sexual encounters. I had always been a fan of kissing, grinding, touching, but I would not allow it to go all the way. I know you might say why would you watch all that pornography, and when offered a geniune situation turn it down? I had always thought pmo was bad, but was addicted. When I lost my virginity I had an erection, and I was having sex with the girl with a condom. It really did not feel that good. I was bored actually, I lost the erection after maybe ten minutes. She wanted more sex, but I was done. The next time I tried to have sex with a woman was a disaster. I had an erection at first, but I lost it before I ever penetrated. Condom use was really hard, not a hard erection, and I was fumbling with the condom. She was disappointed to say the least. But, I was sleepy, so I went to bed. Two or three in the morning, I had that morning wood. She felt it, and stuck my penis into her without a condom. I had an erection, so I might have well use it was the sentiment. Another woman, I could not get an erection hard enough to put on the condom. So I went in with out a prophylactic yet again. This reckless decision came because of my ED.

A year passed, I became a junior in college. My computer broke, probably because of the compromising sites that I frequented. I said, I was not getting another one until I broke my habit. I went maybe a week on, then binged for two or three. Then had another successful week, and the same thing.
BaI finally had a small breakthrough when I read the book Pychocybernetics, which was immensely helpful. I was clean maybe 2 weeks. After binging again. I looked up your brain on porn (ybop). After using both the techniques from Pychocybernetics and reading about my brain on ybop. I went 37 days. That ended about a month ago. Its not all good, I binged for 2 weeks. I watched softcore p, booty shaking videos use to have my number. Now, I am on week 3 clean. But, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that I have won. Even if I go back for a day or two, I KNOW that I will come back to the path... And that is it. I am in my senior year in college. I get alot of women. To all the men that have problems out here, JUST TALK to the women. Although I never had an issue with it has become extremely easy to talk with and get women. I have not had sex since I was on this chastity grind, so I dont know exactly if my ed is cured. But, if my spontaneous wood is any indication, then I am great. Also, I have felt physically attracted to real women for the first time in a long time. Its strange, but I was basically asexual, when I was on pornography. I went after women because I was supposed to do that. Well that it, hope it was not too long.