This man has been in a relationship with this woman for a couple of years. She is a breast cancer survivor. They have been doing bonding behaviors, and now energy exchanges, so far without intercourse.
Whenever we are together, we spend some time on a chair with her sitting astride facing me, heart to heart. We are both much more conscious of our polarities since reading Diana Richardson's TSFM & TOFW. I think the time that we have spent sitting yab-yum has been melting away the many layers of sexual tension that I built up over the years with goal-oriented sex (or in her case that were built up from having a very selfish, one-sided, goal-oriented sexual partner).
About 10 days ago, I was able, for the first time, to move my sexual energy up my spine to my brain very easily. It happened almost completely by instinct, with very little thought or effort. I had read about how to move my energy up several times, but I had always gotten bogged down—maybe because I had too many layers of sexual tension to resolve without the polarities of a loving, caring female partner.
Since the first day, my energy started moving up, it has been much like slowly turning on a faucet, with the energy moving up my spine more and more freely. For two or three mornings in a row after my energy first moved, I woke at 5am without an alarm, and moved my energy up for an hour or more. Each time after, it felt like every cell in my body was overflowing with energy. She said a day or two later that she noticed a positive change in my voice (even though she has always loved the sound of my voice, and my voice calms her). She says my voice is more care-free and less tense. She also says my smile is now more free up around my eyes and cheeks.
She is healing also. Her energy has begun to move more freely between her breasts and her vagina while we sit yab-yum lightly clothed. We have decided to use the plural "breasts" even though one of her breasts was removed, because the energy fields from both of her breasts are definitely still there, and that is what's most important to us.
I think the right context is very important in most cases of emotional healing—a true solution seems to usually require in some way the opposite elements of whatever created the problem in the first place.
She called me about 1:30am last Wednesday. She was in severe pain from a dental problem, and she was having trouble breathing. When I arrived, we sat yab-yum with me leaning back slightly. I could feel her deeply relax into me as she rested against my chest, and her breathing improved very quickly. After 20 to 30 minutes, we lay down and fell asleep spooning for about 4 hours with our hands interlaced. She felt much better when we arose. I helped her with some light household tasks, and left about 7:30am.
After her dental issues were resolved later that day, and the pain was no longer fogging her awareness, she realized that a wide band of tension across her chest, that she had carried for 12 years—which made it hard for her to breath, especially whenever she was stressed—was GONE !!
I spoke with her earlier today, and she has more energy and is still breathing freely. I can hear an extra little sparkle in her voice and laughter in the last four days, and her smile has become more and more free as time passes.
12 years ago, when she was coping with breast cancer, she had NO support, and she felt completely betrayed and abandoned by the man who should have cared for her. After she was diagnosed with breast cancer, he told her that he had felt a lump in her breast, but he had said nothing to her.
In some way, (probably a combination of many things together) my caring for her, and being there for her when she needed me, has brought her some deep emotional healing and a release from that hurt in the past. It's truly a wonderful feeling to be a participant in someone's healing—although in a very real way it's a gift, as neither of us had the slightest idea that it would happen, or of the way to make it happen. There are indeed many layers to some emotional onions !! Unlike an onion, however, I don't know if we ever know when we've reached the last layer. So I think it's best to always be open to whatever may show up.
(Curious Fellow) During a long distance phase of one of my relationships, we would sometimes get into bed, call each other on the phone, and after some talk, we would just "enjoy some silence" for perhaps half an hour. In other words, just listen to each other breathe, and imagine snuggling together as we had previously when we were physically together. No masturbation or deliberate attempts to get each other sexually aroused was involved. Both of us noticed that we could "feel it", that is, during the phone snuggling it felt a lot like it had when we were physically together.
I believe that many of the same hormones - oxytocin, etc. - were produced during the phone snuggling as were produced during real-life snuggling. Oxytocin is produced in the brain... why does the body need to be involved? Anyway, it was very enjoyable and probably helped to maintain the bond between us. I highly recommend it for long distance relationships.
(Quizure) I recommend just 15 minutes of karezza-like snuggling meditation in the morning. It's best naked, but even if you don't sleep naked, I still think it will work. My partner and I do this every day - sometimes as a precursor to PIV Karezza, but most of the time, we do this by itself.
What we do once we're barely or mostly awake is lie facing one another - my arm is between us, and I position myself such that I can place my left (non-dominant) hand between us, and my partner's genitals 'lay' in my hand. I don't grip, or stroke, do anything but gently support him. I just give his genitals a place to connect with me. (It doesn't matter if he's hard or soft or anything - it's just not a part of this.) My head /neck lays across his out stretched right arm. I then either put my right leg over his hip, or he puts his left leg over my hip. (I prefer my leg over his hip, as this 'opens' my pelvis.) . Then we put our free arms around each other and pull as close as we can - my breasts press against his chest, and he's taller than I am, so my face is nuzzled in his neck. And we just breathe, and relax, and clear our minds of nothing but the love and thankfulness we feel for one another.
I think two things are important in this - at least I find it is for us - I have to use my non-dominant hand for this - otherwise, it seems to want to return to the old "stroking" stimulating movements, instead of just holding/supporting him. And we don't talk or wiggle around. We just relax and feel the love for one another inside us - it's like another other mindfulness meditation. When it's time to separate, we kiss for a bit, and then get ourselves out of bed for the day.
Even when we only have 5 or 6 minutes because we woke up late, we still do this. Everyday. We find it easier than soft entry which takes more time, and practice. And it has worked really well for us. I love starting our day this way.
(Rachel) He was on his stomach and I started running my hand across his back, buttocks, shoulders, neck, etc. I focused completely on the sensations I received through my fingers. I was touching very lightly. I was not "trying" to do anything to him, I was just experiencing what my fingers were feeling. What I found was I would be running my fingers across him and then I would come to a spot that would send a sensual jolt through my body, meaning, to *all* my parts. I would pause on these spots and massage a little harder, then move on. It was like a treasure hunt and so fun to find those spots that would make my body react that way.
My lover is normally very much awake and aware when I am touching him (lol), even when sleepy with eyes closed, but on this morning, I noticed he fell into a beautiful slumber. I felt I had completely relaxed him and I was very happy about that (made it easier to sneak out of the bed without him waking!).
So the next morning, almost the same situation, but this time I am back in bed after feeding my animals. He was on his side facing me and I could feel his penis resting on my leg. I started doing the same thing to him...lightly running my fingers across his stomach, chest, shoulders...and when I would find one of those "hot spots," I would also feel his penis move slightly! So he and I were feeling the same sensual jolt when I would touch those places that called to me.
I finally told him what I was doing and we were both really bewildered at how this was happening. I still don't know the answer to what exactly is going on between my hands and his body, but it was just so lovely and I can't wait to get my hands on him again tomorrow.