New Poster: 24, no meaningful relationship, porn addiction

Submitted by EdgingAddict87 on
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I've been trying to detox on & off for 2 years now, nice to find this community.

I'm 24, & have been masturbating since I was about 7. Been masturbating using the technique I use now since about 13. I have no one in my life right now, nor have I ever had a proper partner, & generally feel a bit down about who I am as a person. I like how I look, I'm happy with my material achievements, but I'm pretty shy, low key & get sick of people quickly which makes developing a meaningful relationship hard. I also consider myself pretty stupid in a lot of areas, which causes me shame & doesn't help.

Anyway. I'm addicted to sex. I've had quite a few drunken one night stands & visited a lot of hookers, but my main addiction is pornography. It has such a powerful hold on me. I'll wake up, & almost immediately grab for my laptop which is under my bed, & start masturbating. Unless I have a nice session before bed, I can't sleep. I'll edge- a masturbation session will never go for under an hour, it will normally go for 2. If I go without for 3 days +, I start getting very agitated. My mind gets foggy, I become even more introverted than normal & more unsure of myself, but also very, very horny. I don't like the person I am then ... walking around, so many pretty women, I feel like I'm surrounded by a sea of flesh & I just get a huge urge to masturbate, & need release badly. I can't concentrate on anything at all. The easiest thing is often to just go visit a hooker. I have a fair hunk of disposable income, so the ease of doing this has become a real problem.

I've enjoyed reading through this site, & am looking forward to trying again. But it's so, so tough. Once I'm into day 5 without orgasm, I can barely think of anything else. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, I just need to get off. I'm going to update this thread daily to see how I go this time. Honestly, with the extra stress of exams I'll be surprised if I even get past tonight. Here's hoping.

Welcome

Nice job digging a hole there, Edging. Wink The good news is that brains are plastic...if sluggish. So you *can* change, but you'll need a lot of patience and a good sense of humor. I know you want to start a blog, so maybe I'll reserve the rest of my thoughts for over there.

I'd like to hear more about your early start. Did you just stumble on masturbation kinda by accident, or what?

*big hug*

Everything can

work out, you just have to believe it will. I know that's hard, but believe me, I'm the kind of person that dwells on stuff a lot, particularly the bad and most often forgetting the good. You say you typically go three days before it's uncontrollable, yes? You need to push your brain past its limits so it forces itself to adapt and realize you don't need it anymore. Soon enough, 3 days can become 6, 6 becomes 9, and so on. It's a huge change for your brain to make, so don't get down on yourself. It's just your brains way of trying to convince you you're wrong for tryingto change what it loves. Think of Freud's Id vs. the Superego if you like psychology.

Marnia, perhaps show him the link about other tools for change, the one about the big red x and such? Those have helped me tremendously not even think about P, and I only learned of them a few days ago.

I don't know

much philosophy, except on religion, but I am familiar with Mills' higher and lower pleasures. Truly, to go through this and break free from the P addiction is a pleasure of the mind, or "higher pleasure" as he would say.

This post feels like a

This post feels like a lifetime ago. I'm now 26, have travelled the world and am with a partner that I'm crazy about. I'm in the best shape I've been in since about 18 years old and hit the gym regularly. Life has really turned around for me, and I consider myself very lucky.

I still use porn more than I'd like, but definitely less than before. I also pracice Karezza with my girlfriend, and abstain from orgasm. It can say that it definitely works :)