This is my intro post. I apologize if this is in a jumble because I'm not really sure of how to approach this subject.
I just started recently seeing some. Actually, I just moved to a part of the country where he lives after being in a long distance relationship with him. He is a wonderful man but we are having some issues. One of the biggest is that I am wary of becoming involved with a man again. I was deeply hurt by my recent past experience with my ex. There was a severe lack of communication, connection, and understanding between us. Led to infidelity, lying, betrayal, and a complete destruction of trust.
The man I am seeing now is very gentle, very sweet. He is what I describe as "touchy-feely". Loves to snuggle, kiss, hold hands, be close. Sounds great except for one thing. We've had some problems/issues with sex. He was having some trouble with ED and I automatically wondered if it was porn related. Why? Because the same thing happened with my ex. He began to have trouble with this and made excuses. It wasn't until I caught him watching porn that I automatically made the connection (this was many years ago and I had already intuitively made the connection between ED and porn...it just makes sense) to his ED. So I thought that this might be a problem with my current interest. It was more of a problem with my teasing him, a difference in culture, and his worry over whether he would be able to please me or not.
FFW...when I was wondering about whether our problem was due to porn-related ED, I stumbled upon this community. I want to try karezza with him. Why? Because I don't like the way orgasms make me feel. A little sick, a little angry. They leave me with a strong desire to push my partner away. I want to be left alone after they happen. I don't have them easily or often during sex but I do give them to myself when alone (tension release and insomnia cure). Even while alone, I don't like the way I always feel afterward.
My partner thinks that giving me orgasms is very important. He also thinks him having them is very important. I have no idea of how to introduce such a concept to him. I've already talked to him just recently about how I really dislike the after affects of orgasms. He was okay with that but I didn't bring up him not having them. He is very open-minded, willing to listen, and receptive. His love of attachment behaviors (see above) seems like it would make him more apt to respond to karezza. But like almost everyone else, he comes with preconceived notions of how sex "ought to be". I am unsure of how to even address this. Where do I start?