So, today I am feeling really down. its really bad. I have not had the urge to participate in PMO in a long time, but I feel like that now. I feel so emasculated. Here is what happened to today. Feel free to comment truthfully.
I am in a fraternity, and sat on another fraternities property. So, alot of the members of that fraternity confont me. Say what I did was wrong. So, I apologize, but they were not having it. I wanted to leave, but in all honesty I guess I was scared. So they asked for me to bow in front of there alter, and I did. Man, it hurts me to write this right now. I really bitched out. It hard to see yourself not stand up in what you believe in. Like I do not deserve to be a man. Its eating away at me. I love my fraternity too, and now it looks like I am soft and my fraternity is soft and i dont love my fraternity.
All of my fraternity brothers were so pissed when they heard about it. So I am at the point where my reputation is ruined completely. Like my brothers are not even seeing me in the same light. Also, once the news spreads the whole campus is going to see me as soft.
I have not felt this badly in a while, and i really need something to cheer me up, but everything is not helping. I can not rationalize it to myself. I can not do anything. I feel like I have lost a piece of me.