I am noticing when I add compassion (heart) to aid in the struggle in quiting porn and ceasing to use women for sexual pleasure only (or dopamine hits or self esteem boost, or whatever) its of great benefit. Compassion mostly for the person who I am about the objectify, the person who I know wants more than just sex, but might do it in hopes of it becoming more when I know there is no relationship wanted on my end. I don't intentionally want to hurt these women and i guess as long as I got a 'green light', i went for it never thinking deeper about why this person might be choosing to have sex with me or what their hopes or expectations might be.
This compassion can extend to the women who appear in porn. All the time buying into the fantasy that there ARE women who are nymphos like this who will have sex with anyone at the drop of a hat and love doing anything the guy wants and gladly being controlled. Never thinking what the reality is, whenthey go home after the shoot, how they must have lost friends, family, self respect, or have many problems in their life (drugs, abuse) to be in this kind of work. These are people's daughters and sisters. Let's face it, healthy, happy individuals dont get into making porn. Its a desperate thing to do I believe.
Compassion can be extended back to oneself, the porn user. Knowing fully that using porn or using women just for sex doesn't make my life more whole or enriched, but keeps me in a cycle of despair, why do I choose that for myself? Why reduce myself to nothing more than a sexual purpose in a way that is animal at best? Why am I bent on hurting myself?
I think when heart and rational mind can work together, this addiction can be transcended. I dont want to discount the importance of rationally looking at the porn problem as well (waste of time, money, physical energy..)
A quick thought about desire here: my main point being that constantly reaching for something outside of myself in excess, no matter what it is (sex, food, material luxuries) as a condition for my happiness isn't a sin or bad, its not reality-based since it never, never, ever satisfies. Over-active desire just breeds more desire, plain and simple. I am trying to apply this idea of 'small desire' to the persistent problem of staring at skimpily dressed attractive women. The problem isn't in noticing an attractive or sexy women (that's just bein' a man, guys), its how much you can keep desire in check. When my mind if greedy and grabbing for desires everywhere, this will be a painful experience since I want MORE than a look, I want to do x and y and blah blah blah. But with a small desire, I can look at think, "Wow, this person chose to share her beauty with everyone, and if all i get is a peek, then that's fine. I could be grateful for just that!". Seems to help I am finding...
That ISN'T to say that desire is bad, just over-desire. I think that goes along with the methods described on this site. Trying to eliminate all desire is just as bad as too much and isn't realistic anyway. What I am trying to say is the problem IS NOT the girl in the mini-skirt NOR the noticing her and feeling stimulated. It's how far you take it after that. Just my 2 yen...