just checking in

Submitted by looking4balance on
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Not really looking for answers today, just felt like writing, even just to myself :)
Been in a good pattern lately (which is not by accident) so wanted to list out the things that are helping.

For one I'm busy at work, so not much idle time. That's not entirely great because what will happen when things slow down (then what?) or the opposite, overwork/stress makes me vulnerable to escaping too. However, these latest projects require creative thinking and are really challenging, so my interest level and sense of accomplishment are high. I think that's having a good effect in not using porn when i come home at night.

Also, running, meeting friends, eating well, and sleeping well. simple things that have enormous effect. A few times the thought popped in "you have nothing to do, you could masturbate to porn right now", but i only assigned it the power of a thought, not an action that had to carried out and it passed. I think its been like 2 or 3 weeks now with no porn. I am anxious to try non-sexual touching and see what effect that has, I am sure from what I have already heard in the threads it will be of great benefit.

The other thing I am examining more is root causes of porn and excessive casual sex. In general i know I have a deep fear of intimacy and commitment problems in general. I think using porn is like a way for me to avoid intimacy with myself and with whoever I might be with at that time. Its like an escape hatch when things get to close and I feel anxiety. The commitment fear is interesting and actually runs so deep as to affect nearly every other aspect of my life. I rarely seemed to be satisfied with what I have. This has to do a lot with perfectionism I think. I switch jobs because this one isn't perfect, switch people since this girl isn't perfect (like I am?), and even small things like trouble committing to a stupid lunch order! Many times i will take way longer than is required to order something, just to call the waiter back to change the order! it's very frustrating for me and whoever I am with.

I think if I can work a bit on the commitment issue in general, and the perfectionism, the result will help in the porn area as well. It's amazing to me that I have acted so blindly to my patterns in relationships (or fear of them), but i will take an honest look and try my best not to repeat unhealthy patterns. The excessive emotional dependency which I create on the other is not healthy in and of itself, but to expect it while not fully committing the the relationship is ridiculous. Time to own up and be honest with women and with myself.

Quick aside here, I found this to be a really good non-religious sex/porn/masturbation addiction site that has helped me in the past. Just wanted to share it with whoever is interested. Those here not dealing with a porn addiction probably wont find it very useful. Anyway, here is the link ..
http://www.sexualcontrol.com/

thanks