Ah, I can't believe I'm finally doing this, something I've been wanting to do for a long time. I don't know where to start. My journey here wasn't an easy one, but it sure wasn't expected. :)
It all started 6-7 months ago,(has it really been that long?)when I noticed something about me. In middle school I used to be very out going, I treated everyone the same and for this reason very I was wanted among girls in our school. My friends told me I was charismatic and asked me what was my secret. :) Even in high school when I had problems from masturbation and porn, girls still gave me the look. But up until high school it was all about school, so I never let anybody get in the way of that. I never let anyone close.
Suddenly I noticed losing friends and only having couple of close friends. Even having trouble to connect with new people, having anxiety to approach and interact with good looking girls. Getting to be girls' "friend", if you know what I mean. My grades started to drop and my concentration and memory got weaker. I felt tired most of the day even If I hadn't done anything.
Then I started putting the puzzle together, seeing the big picture and staring at it mesmerized, with my jaw open. There is was, my whole life on an internet page explaining the symptoms of frequent masturbation and the side effect of excessive pornographic content. I was shocked, angry and disappointed - to put it mildly. How can something that feels so good have such bad side effect? Have they done their research properly? That's what I asked myself. Man, looking back now, let's just say I didn't have a clue about what I was asking myself. :)
It had gotten to the point were I was doing it at least twice a day and it was always to pornographic content, were as when I was younger it was all about using your imagination. Then the frequency was way less too, even though I have always had a high sex drive. I did it before going out because people said you don't want to walk all loaded and horny, that makes you needy and girls don't like that. Well, at the time it made sense...
After noticing my problem, I started looking for answers. Researching Google with lines like: "refraining from masturbation, more testosterone when not masturbating, problems from masturbation, masturbation and porn" and so on. I studied all I could, from real studies to personal experiments. Many times doctors claimed that masturbation is healthy and it reduces the chance of developing prostate cancer.
On forums people challenging others to refrain from masturbation for some time. People always made it a joke:" I would have 24/7 boners, I wouldn't be able sleep, I would have wet dreams every night"... and I started seeing myself in those words. I'm really this bad? Making excuses to get myself off? :?
Well I started my own challenge, a week, for a starter I though to myself.. The first days were hell, I'm not gonna lie. It was straight from my worst nightmares. But suddenly I noticed changes in my mood and my self confidence. I started talking more, telling more jokes and being comfortable in my own skin. Then it all ended, like waking up. Little did I know I had woken up few hours too early. :)
The road for my recovery was starting to emerge, next time I made it two weeks, but every time my streak ended, the mental pain was way worse. Then I told myself:" 31 days, that's a full month, if you can go that long, it shows that your not addicted to porn and you're master of your domain."
The charismatic me was back, full of energy and horny as hell, not the "boner 24/7" horny, but the "I'm ready to rule the world" horny. I worked out harder, studied better, got my confidence back and lost every doubt I had in me. Everything was fine up until my scheduled day. 31 days were up.. so now what? :? Well I betrayed myself for the next couple of days. But now that see it, I needed those days to make my full recovery. After 4 days I started from 0, but it felt like I was starting from infinity.
This time the days didn't matter. It was days 40 or so that I got up from my desk and felt unbelievable power, the amount of testosterone running threw my veins, the control I had now possessed over my body.
Couple of days ago I watched porn after 10 weeks of nothing, not a single picture. I'll quote from my other comment:"-- what I meant was not to mourn. It was more like meeting an old friend, but you notice that you have grown apart from each other and don't enjoy each others company anymore. Therefore not wanting to meet again. I saw what I saw after 10 weeks and wasn't interested."
Where I'm Now:
Like it says, 87 days. Confidence on a whole new level. It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like. I can look you in the eyes and listen to what you have to say. I feel more comfortable around a flock of girls rather than boys. I'm going to the gym constantly, putting on some size and strength. The best part is, I don't feel the need to have someone in my life. I'm enjoying it as much as I can and it seems to drive the girls crazy.
Quoting again from my another response:"How to let go of you harem? Just take your computer, and look at the screen from one side. What do you see? A side of a screen.. there is nothing there, nothing behind it. That is as close as you'll get to those women on the screen.. when you realize this, and I mean really understand what I mean, you will pop out of that set of mind."
You first have to realize the problem, then confront it, not the other way around. Taking your time and accepting failure makes all the difference in the world. Don't cling onto the days, but rather on the feeling and emotions. Enjoy every day and keep this in mind: In the future, do you wish that you had done something about it or are you glad that you did?
I'm sorry it's so long and has typos, wrote it 2 a.m. :) but feel free to ask me anything on the subject and I'll do my best to try to help my bretherin out.