Morning everyone :)
Haven't used porn or casual sex in about 3 weeks now. Feeling good about that and feel confident i can continue, at least i feel that way today.
I am reading a book now that focuses on commitment issues and some of the reasons why people are afraid to commit to relationships, jobs, etc. I am journaling too to look into my patterns of running away from intimacy and connection in relationships, the most often destination being fantasy. I realized every woman I have had a relationship with has been based mostly on fantasy or idealized love. I became emeshed and connected to them based on this idealization, before I even really knew who they were. When I discover that they are not the image I had, I lose interest. In other words, when they become real human beings from the perfect idealized image I had of them. It starting to dawn on me that the real addiction problem here isn't sex or porn addiction, that's just the manifestation. My real challenge is giving up fantasy/perfection as a substitute for reality. I am seeing I have done this my whole life and if I don't challenge it, it will continue to my last day. I am somewhat worried since I will be the big 40 in a few days and to have these issues at my age worries me. I just don't know how to give up wanting perfection(the fantasy of it) since i have been doing it since i was a young boy. I really don't even know where to begin.
Also, thanks to everyone for sharing their stories and insights. I could really use some advice if anyone has anything to share that might be helpful.