12 days no pmo, but have strong gay thoughts.

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Submitted by Manwe on
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I have managed to reach 12 days of absolutely no pmo, which is something I've never done before. I have generally been feeling alot better than I was before. I have more energy than usual. I'm more focused on tasks at hand and I'm more determined to do things. I'm also finding it alot easier to read lots of material and do my work. I can definitely feel benefits from abstaining. My libido is soaring. I have had about three wet dreams in the past 10 days, and wake up with morning wood that can easily last a half hour.

However, I have been getting intense homo-erotic thoughts. I would get these while viewing porn, but it would not get to big. What I've noticed during my pmo binges is that the more I look at porn and masturbate the less I'm interested in gay porn and gay thoughts, but the less I masturbate and look at porn the more I get interested in the gay thoughts and less interested in the conventional heterosexual stuff. Now that I'm abstaining its gotten to the point where I am not that interested in heterosexual porn but have a hard time dealing with all the homoerotic stuff in my head.

I have never been in a relationship with another girl, but I consider myself straight. that is one of the main reasons I have decided to quit pmo. I am however, becoming concerned because of all the gay thoughts that I have been having.

It happens

What was the first thing you masturbated too? what turned you on before you started looking at porn or what were your first interests?

I kind of went through this it's called HOCD and if you know your not gay then I'd say don't worry about it. Porn has completely messed up our identities. I'm pretty sure a gay person know's their gay just as much as a straight person knew they liked girls, sexuality doesn't just change overnight. I only went so far as transgender porn and I knew it was bad some go as far as homosexual porn without thinking there's anything wrong with their sexual interests.

The best way to deal with the "gay thoughts" is to just ignore them and let them be or even make fun of them, you think about kissing a friend and joke to yourself in your head 'oooo man your so gay' or something along those lines. The worst thing to do is analyze what your thinking and try to justify or negate it because your brain just uses it against you. After 90 days of no pmo I don't really have gay thoughts anymore its something that just went away as my brain started to readjust so just stick to no pmo.

first images I masturbated too

The first things I masturbated too wasn't even porn. It was simply remembering certain girls I was interested in. When I did start looking at porn, simply a scantily clad women would be enough to set me off for days.

Ok, so it pretty much

Ok, so it pretty much escalated into gay porn? That is the typical way in which HOCD manifests. Due to the escalation, your brain is mostly wired to that at the moment, which explains the gay porn cravings after 12 days of abstinence.

During the reboot process this wiring should return to normal, although that probably takes around 90 days of no PMO at least. I have a similar thing, namely auto-eroticism and I am straight.

Get your brain back in balance,

and your questions will be answered. Right now, you're in prime withdrawal antsyness territory, so your brain is trying everything it can to get you your "meds" in the form of a nice orgasm. Wink

Remember, to the primitive part of your brain, which gets numb and causes escalation in some folks, content is irrelevant. It only has two files when it comes to sexual stimulation "not so hot" and "good and hot." (Depending upon dopamine released.)

Try to ignore the pictures that pop up in your brain and dreams for now. You can sort out everything later. You read this, right? http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201110/can-you...

*big hug*

hi guys. i just read your

hi guys. i just read your comments on gay porn and i just recently joined the site to help myself out of this situation. i consider myself straight too. never been in a relationship with a girl. mid 20s but i've always found myself more sexually excited by homosexual thoughts and imagery. i've tried to turn myself away from it and practice abstinence but i'm not sure how to go about this as a i relapse a lot and the intensity and cravings is a little upsetting.
my problem has always been tuning into the gay fantasies and thinking that that's who i am because society implies you're either one or the other - straight or gay. i hate to think that's true and biologically things dictate otherwise so it hurts to see my head and heart not follow through on what i see to be the truth.

i really don't want to keep going down this road. i have a few questions though..
being new to all this (and this being the first post i read and comment on) where do i start to help myself out of this?
is all of this just psychological? just a habit i have to break? what's HOCD and PMO and all the acronyms you use?

i really want to develop my natural attraction to girls and pursue a meaningful relationship with one but i know certain things have to change first. i'm hopeful but i'd really appreciate the pointers on a first timer on how to deal with all this - it just feels strange that as much as i don't like what i'm doing, i'm somewhat accustomed to it.

i'd really like to know if getting back to a healthy lifestyle is possible? away from porn, masturbation and totally devoted to what i really want in a relationship - a real one.

thank you and i wish everyone all the best in their efforts to change.
be

Hi

Have you visited YBOP? Here's an FAQ that addresses this issue and how other guys are dealing with it: http://yourbrainonporn.com/ask-us-iam-attracted-to-gay-transsexual

PMO= (no) porn, masturbation, orgasm (and ideally, no porn fantasy)
HOCD= Severe anxiety (obsessive-compulsive disorder) about whether someone is possible gay

Read the FAQ and then post your questions in your own blog by clicking on "Members' blogs" to the left.

Erections follow dopamine, not necessarily sexual orientation (when dopamine becomes dysregulated). Amazing...but true.