Couldn't sleep... Thoughts flowing...
Man I really wanted my next post to be the one where I got a girlfriend and lived happily ever after, but monkey wrenches do exist. I mainly want to share some things here about my rebooting process that I think can help out here. It's gonna be a clutter of different ideas concerning rebooting, and my own experience with it. Take it as a guide if you want.
Having gone over 100 days without porn, I finally slipped at around days 112. However, it wasn't like a normal slip, but more of the cartoon like slips where Tom steps on a banana peel and slides long enough to be comical. Day 69 is when it happened really, and I decided to test myself with masturbation. It wasn't harmful at first, or so I thought. However, it became a sort of downhill slope from there in which my willpower depleted slowly but surely. What was supposed to be a one time thing, became 30 days of hell that just deteriorated my will to continue slowly. I initially told Marnie that I wanted to test myself with porn, but I'm starting to wonder how much was actually conscious decision. This brings me to my next topic of Rebooting.
I honestly feel that my reboot was crap. Even though I successfully avoided porn for over 100 days, I can't help but feel like I achieved nothing. No, I didn't do anything great. My mindset throughout the whole process was one of "Waiting for my opportunity." For 100+ days, all I did was watch anime, play games, watch music videos of Girls Generation, and sleep. All the while waiting for the damn withdrawals and mood swings to stop. The mood swings made me so cynical and paranoid that I began thinking that even if I gained any momentum, I would be derailed soon after by a violent mood swing. Waiting patiently for the moment that I could finally say "It's over, there are no more bad times." This was my greatest heel, and my mindset for the whole process. When the withdrawal symptoms had stopped, I had nothing to do really except what I made habit out of. Watch videos and just bullshit all day. Zero effort on my part at all times.
This time around though, things are different. Currently 33 days into a mild reboot. Withdrawal symptoms still persist believe it or not, and I almost cried earlier for no reason whatsoever. However 100 days do something positive to the brain, and it can't all be undone in 4 days no matter how much porn I watched. I'm no longer waiting to feel great, I'm working my ass off every day now. no more music videos of sexy/ cute girls to ease the pain. No more girls on my cpu screen period. No more anime. No more video games. No more games period! Just my daily routine of practice and working out. I have a dream to make a reality, and I'm already 21 y/o. Talking to girls on trains now? Yes I must! What other alternative do I have? It's not even a question of days without anymore, forget about it. Live! What happens when the resistance from the withdrawal finally stops? Sort of like an arrow released from a bow? I think so.
A quick note on Masturbation: What purpose is to be found in life, when you take its greatest pleasure into your own hand?
It's really nice to see a lot of new names here rebooting. Off the top of my head: Jejunestar, MexicanTexican, Pornhead, JJ2313. You guys will be an inspiration to the next group of awakening MEN, and you're all certainly an inspiration to me. Continue to hoist addiction over your head, and power it though a table. XD