blogblogblog

Submitted by lethstang on
Printer-friendly version

blogblogblog

Topic:

Comments

2 weeks after reboot A few

2 weeks after reboot

A few things

1. No P or M has caused me, and this is without a doubt, to not be as much as a recluse as Ive been. During my nightly routine of winding down and watching some tv, I actually yearn for other people to hang out with. This is a large divergence from my "normal" behavior, and quite frankly its a welcome one.

2. My recovery has been going slow because Ive met someone new and Im trying to keep her happy. WITH the aid of levitra, our sex is fantastic. I understand this isnt ideal, but its what Im trying.

3. Recovery is in fact happening. Sex is already feeling twice as good as it has been as my body recovers. Its so funny how the decline is so gradual that you dont notice that sex doesnt have the whole WTF THAT JUST HAPPENED feeling anymore and you dont even realize it.

4. Again, Id like to express gratitude to the creators of this project, and all the other men seeking help. Keep on truckin guys.

(one week later) Well, I

(one week later)

Well, I relapsed yesterday. Fapped it to porn twice in the morning.

Observations : The fapping was quick. No surfing of multiple porn videos, just used the one, which if youre porn use is anything like mine, is abnormal.

Boner was still hard to coax out.

So, I do see Ive made a little progress. However, I am now completely giving up the PMO for the next few months instead of having sex a few times a week. Sex is starting again to not feel as good, and delayed ejaculation has reared its ugly head again. I found myself fantasizing last time i was having sex which is again, not good.

My partner says shes fine with the break. It worries me, but hopefully my magic hands will keep her around while my body sorts itself out.

Thanks for listening.

Today. Well, due to some

Today.

Well, due to some hardcore personal financial hardships I relapsed and fapped it 5x to porn today. Bad news. WTF.

However. Great news.

During my relapse. No delayed ejaculation, no failed boners. If anything they were a little stronger there at the end. THIS MEANS (i...think) MY FRIENDS that this is actually my problem (at the beginning of my journey, I wasnt 100% certain this was my problem as its been this way for ten years and its pretty crazy). If I can get five woodies in one day, im obviously ok physically and this is all due to ....well, youve watched the videos guys.

So. Heres to a new start. The current lady Im with will either stick with me for the next four months or move on, as Im not getting off this train till Im healed.

I'm a bit confused

How much time passed between your last two posts?

Sorry to hear about the financial trouble. Good luck with the relationships.

And how do you plug the porn hole. Wink You don't want to throw away all your hard work.

*big hug*

It's great you're

seeing progress, but just know that your reaction to porn binges will (at first) be much stronger than your response to actual partners...thanks to some serious wiring.

*shoves lethstang back onto the wagon*

Smile

My cock wont work either :-)

Lethstang, I'm glad you have confirmed to yourself you are a 'club member', it may sound silly, but confirming this is a huge relief and very reassuring as we know there is a cure and we're in the perfect place to get cured, no where else in the world is a better place to be than this site.

I'm feeling hugely positive right now, positive for me & positive for every one else, the hardest task is identifying a disease, we have the cure we now just need to implement it, simples Smile

The learning curve

Sometimes it takes a few failures before we find success in anything we do. This process is certainly no exception. This may be the hardest thing you ever do in life, but you have it in you to do it and you OWE it to yourself to do it. Dont get discouraged, learn from your mistakes. Take time to look at why youve relapsed in the past and come up with stratagies to see that it doesnt happen again. When you can anticipate your triggers you can overcome them!

Its good to hear you had better performance, take that as PROOF this approach works and let that inspire you. Know that every day you dont look at porn you are one day closer to never WANTING to look at porn again.

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.
Winston Churchill

nothing much to report

Nothing major to report.

A few days ago recieved a beej from a fwb. Everything worked perfect, THOUGH I should mention my orgasm, while nice, wasnt as WTF omg as I expected it to be. Im not concerned, but reporting it here for science sake.

Started keeping a spreadsheet every day. Today due to a wee bit of depression I started wanking it (no porn), but tried one of the energy techniques I read about in Cupid, breathed my energy up, and then put the johnson back. Was pleasant to spank it to a few chicks in class though. Enjoying the increased sensation. No complaints with the boner and I tried to stay away from the kung fu grip.

Caught up on a few posts here. Keep up the good work chaps.

warning

Hey yall

So things were chugging along. was having some good sex. Was on my road to recovery.

Wanked off a few times to some fantasy since I was doing so well.

Problems surfaced again!! Just got a morning bj, and it wouldnt get hard with her attention...i had to close my eyes and imagine. And this was after having a decent erection spanking it waiting for her to come over. It is so abundantly obvious I dont have a physical problem and its all in the brain. God I am so thankful I found your sight Marnia (reading your book btw, and sharing it with my friends. Oh youre having boyfriend troubles? Well dear thats your biology telling you its time to find another mate. This has to do with your orgasms. Here let me elaborate....)

Relapses are real guys ( I know this sounds obvious to you but I really didnt believe in them. I think you really have to put the time in so something *clicks* back over in your brain. Alot of half measures may get some results but from my experience wont result in full healing). Stop the porn (was easy for me), stop the fantasy (this....is one of the hardest things ever. Control my thoughts? ). If youre like me and are continuing to have sex throughout your reboot, I believe lack of fantasy during sex is key. Try concentrating on the woman and dont let your thoughts wander. Dont let your mind wander into seeing you two from a third persons perspective (like you are watching porn). Or better yet, just dont have the sex during reboot. Four months may seem like a long time, but trust me, after its up and you look back and you didnt follow the steps, you feel like a complete shitbag for cheating yourself.

Evidence is starting to stack up for me that we have to stop all sex during the reboot. If I could go back four months ago and start over, Id do it without the sex. There are plenty of women out there....dont jeopordize your reboot because you dont want to lose the one youre with unless youre already very invested. Its been four months for me and I could have been done by now! I still have my chick, and I still have a sex drive, but Im about to quit all the sex for four months. I will sacrifice this relationship so I can have a marriage and children later. If life were easy guys, everyone would win at it. There are much worse problems to have out there than this. Hereditary disease, deaths of loved ones, poverty. This is fucking CANDYLAND.

We deal with the consequences of our decisions. Make the right choices yall.

Not to be the voice

of temptation here, but maybe you just have to cut out the "intermural wanking fests." Make it a rule to stick to real goddesses for six months and I bet you'll be fine...as long as you don't overtax yourself with anything too extreme. Remember, not all cultures masturbate as much as we do. Did you ever watch this Bill Maher bit?
http://yourbrainonporn.com/comedian-bill-maher-on-pornography VERY funny.

I got a good giggle out of your synopsis of my book. I wish I could be a fly on the wall during one of your tutorials. Wink

I think you should cut out

I think you should cut out all intentional O's while you're rebooting. Gotta cool that brain down. I'm on Day 123 no PMO and I'm pretty healed. You're right- 4 months is not so long when you look back over it. Especially given that it was years of abuse that got you to where you are. Nothing and no one is worth you getting this area of your life right, so sacrifice as necessary. Good luck, man.

127 today. No sex yet,

127 today. No sex yet, unfortunately. I feel ready to go at any time though haha. Did my best a couple nights ago, but alas. I think it might happen next weekend. I'm in an odd situation financially right now, so haven't exactly been seeking it. I feel done and ready to re-wire. I do feel like I'll make progress over the next 2-3 months even though I'm unwired. I think I was pretty deep as far as addiction goes (I've done porn sessions of 8-12 hours before multiple times). I didn't have an ED problem- more delayed ejaculation. But I do think all the 60-90 days talk is kind of sugar-coating it. Though, I will say, I have drunk a lot of alcohol during my reboot and definitely haven't done it perfect. But I think people should dig in for the long haul. I would say starting about Day 110 is when I suddenly turned a big corner and started gaining rapidly. Biggest factors in my opinion- no intentional O's, healthy diet, good workouts (lots of cardio and strength training).

Thankyou for the response

Thankyou for the response Recovering. It gives me hope to see your progress. Marnia I havent given up, Im just severely disappointed in my lack of willpower. Wanked it this morning upon waking. It just really drives home the point this is really an addiction! addicted to masturbating, if mom could see me now, lol.

I really don't think it's willpower

I think it's more about building a system and executing on it. Making it a mechanical process takes more amorphous concepts like 'self-discipline' out of the conversation and lets you focus on actionable steps that you can complete every day. Plan out your entire day. Include steps that will help fix the problem in your daily plan. What are you going to eat that day? What supplements are you going to take? What workout are you going to do? Are you going to meditate? Do kegels? etc etc.

Having a plan for each day might not keep you from wanking it, but it will throw the context in which you do slip up into sharper relief and allow you plan against it better next time. And taking steps to actively fix the problem every day will give you momentum in dealing with the issue.

De-personalize the problem as much as possible. It'll help get you out of your head about the whole situation (which is huge) and give you the ability to measure your progress to date.

Boners are cool

so an update. My experiment of only having sex with women (and not by myself) is being ended today. I hope. LOL. My last attempt at a full reboot ended in about 4 days as soon as i was offered a bj.

What Ive found -

I went from complete ED to now having a low libido and sporadic ED. I have the desire to have the sexy time 1-2 times a week. My boner never gets rock hard, but about 60-80% throughout intercourse. I dont switch up positions for fear of losing it, but I can certainly have successful sex now. the few times i experiment with touching it, the erection becomes fuller and more than adequate.

So, I tried. Its been 10 months so now Im just going do the real reboot. I dont have to tell you guys how rough it is not getting laid, but here I go (again). Im so thankful I found this place!

Marnia,

Marnia,

Im seeing this woman now. I spend the night and we will dry hump, fool around (i keep her from touching me). Ill give her oral and feel her up and we just enjoy eachothers company. When we get hot and heavy she will anually stimulate me (but not to completion). Will this slow my reboot?

If it wont, should i not let her hand stimulate me? I know one of our problems is having getting used to the hand.

Thanks for your time.

S

I somehow missed this post

Sorry. Sometimes the forum overwhelms me.

The YOURBRAINREBALANCED.COM forum grew out of Reuniting's forum, and it has a lot of guys in your situation. You might want to check in with them and see what they say. They test all kinds of things.

My two cents:

Have you talked with her about what you're trying? If you have, you might propose connecting and lying still (or almost still). It can speed the reboot and it's probably better training for where you want to end up than hot foreplay techniques. There's even a technique called "soft entry" where you put absolutely NO performance pressure on yourself. It can be strangely healing...if she's willing to explore some unknown territory. Tantric Sex For Men

My theory is that women are trying to adjust their foreplay skills to accommodate overtaxed male libidos. That seems harmless enough - or even quite generous, but it has some risks. Long-term sexual satisfaction is easiest when "everything" gives you an erection, not when you need "extra" stimulation. Dialing down the thrills actually seems to make the brain more sensitive...eventually. Amping up the thrills can have the opposite effect.

That said, a little spice once in a while isn't "bad." If the trend is to need more and more spice, however, then you may be on the slippery slope.

lol, so it works

Ok guys,

Ive been at it for a solid year. Well, not solid. Ive relapsed quite a bit. I have probably gone a month at a stretch. But most of my relapses were with real sex. Anyways, this phenomena is real. Had sex once last night, and then again this morning. Im not 100% yet but 10 years of damage will take some time. Had sex sporadically the past month too and everything was fine. My humble advice to everyone is -

- structure your life. Go to the gym. Set goals. You need to keep busy so youre not home wanking it and feeling sorry for yourself. This way, not only are you looking forward to your reboot ending, you also have other goals youre achieving concurrently to help you get there. For me it was throwing myself into school, working out religiously and with intensity, and becoming a health nut.

- Do some kegels. IDK if it helped but it sure helped mentally.

- avoid the temptation to "check" your winky to see if its working. That will usually turn into a wankfest. Its going to work guys. I was effed up for TEN YEARS, my entire twenties. If it worked for me, its going to work for you. I understand you think you may be one of the ones who is an outlier. I sure did. You have to get past that and trust in the method.

- dont even stroke it. Ever. When you wake up in the morning with your log, hop out of bed...dont half dry hump your bed. You dont want to give in to temptation.

- when having the sexytime, dont imagine anyone else but your partner. Stare at her. Be involved in the process. Look at her as a human being and not as a porn star.

Keep your chin up guys. Youre going to get through. Its going to work. I have been to the promised land and IT IS GOOD.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you think I can help you. I will give back to the community in any way I can. Thankyou Marnia, Bob, and all the posters here who supported me!

My last step is informing my Dr who sent me to two urologists to help me. I pray we can inform the medical community so other young men can get help.