How to avoid hangover

Submitted by Orgasmusaddicted on
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I just want to describe my problem and hope that anyone may have a clou how to overcome this.

After having a period of several weeks of extensive sex, i completely lost my libido. Reading some articles on this website it may be the here described hangover effect, but there are two things that do not match. First the hangover lasts now 6 weeks instead of the described up to 2 weeks, and secondary although I had lots of sexual intercourses I did not have many orgasms as I come very hardly.

Maybe the longer duration of the hangover is due to the really excessive ammount of sex (one to two hours of sex almost every day and 10 hours one night every 2 weeks), but how comes the hangover wihtout having an excess number of orgasms?

I may have come about 4 times during the last 6 weeks of this phase during coitus and maybe once every second or third day by masturbation to relieve the pain in the "balls" that comes after having sex without having orgasm.

Anyone any Idea why this happens and how to come out of this hangover?

The sex (also without orgasms) was very good and very euphoric. Could it be that even without excessive orgasma there was such a high dopamine level for that long time in my brain, that this has caused such a dramatic change in dopamine receptors or that it may have depleted all available dopamine resources???

Thank you very much in advance for any ideas you have to offer


My nick comes from the fact that I am addicted to womens orgasms. My lover is able to come more than onehundred times over a 10 hour night with me, and I just can not live anymore without her orgasms.

I'm tempted to say

"Get some sleep." Smile

Remember that biology WANTS you to move on to your next lover. It does this by creating separation between lovers, and most of the time it wins. Lovers don't always separate by breaking up. Sometimes our bodies seem to develop separating behaviors all on their own (in response to too much passion), no matter how much we love each other.

But here's the way it usually works. If you become convinced that you have a worrying problem, it begins to create subconscious resentment toward your lover...especially if you meet someone new, and get a strong "hit" that you wouldn't have this "problem" with the new woman. (And you won't...for a while.) Check out this article on The Coolidge Effect if you want to understand the Big Picture here:

The type of intensity that you describe in your relationship is not sustainable, and entails a risk that you will fall into sexual addiction...and a series of short relationships. If you want sustainability, you have to learn to find pleasure without the emphasis on blasting your levels of dopamine way into the red zone in the reward circuitry in your brain. (This is a problem because either the dopamine levels then drop down, or your sensitivity to dopamine drops down. At that point "normal" levels of pleasure don't do anything for you. You NEED the intensity of those orgasmic screams in your ear, or you suffer from classic withdrawal, just like any other addict. This drives you back for some more.)

It doesn't sound like you (or your lover) is ready to learn a less intense approach...even though your body is giving you signals that too much is just too much. When you are ready, have a look at some of the sacred sex classics here:

And here's a post from a tantra site that may offer an interim solution, if you're ready.

Meanwhile, enjoy yourselves. Wink

Ego-based sex?

Hi. Here's an idea of what might be going on that comes from my own experience - it may or may not be what is going on with you and your lover.

I've found that a lot of sex that seems from the outside to be mutually giving is actually still ego-based. So - it feels very good for you to be able to give your woman so many orgasms, and certainly you are clearly a generous man. But you say you are addicted to her orgasms - not to her lovely presence or the essence of her. This implies to me that you might be addicted to the sense of power and accomplishment that you get from feeling like such a stud. Of course, this is only natural. But the focus is still on the self. Likewise, she just might have a lot of her own self-value and worth tied up in her ability to have many orgasms, so you being able to give many to her might be fulfilling to her because she proves how responsive she is as a woman. But it may have very little to do with her actual expression of affection for you as a person, because its only requirement is that you be able to mechanically do what is needed for her already-capable organs to give their performance. (Again, forgive me if your sex is actually much more than mechanical, I am only going off the impression in your letter).

It can be draining to so frantically prove over and over how good a lover you are based off of how many orgasms you can give or receive.

I know that in my own experience, when I have multiple orgasms, the quality of attention in the sex goes from a flowing, open sharing of one another's BEINGS, to a frantic proving of one's sexual prowess. The shift in focus is taken away from SHARING the many nuances and subtle emotions of making love, to a more aggresive form of mutual verification that is fundamentally based on the need for each individual self to feel accomplished.

Nothing wrong with this, unless the person feels unsure about their desirability or worth without it. If they do need this to feel valid or sexy, then maintaining this status and identity can consume a huge amount of energy.

My feeling is that Marnia is suggesting a form of lovemaking that takes the focus off the self by toning down the aggression and learning to bask in a gentle, nurturing presence. In a way, this takes much more skill, openness, and vulnerability, but less physical energy.

The question is, what is the real agenda in your lovemaking? Is it to prove that you are a great lover via length of time spent in bed, number of times per week you have sex, number of orgasms were given or had? Or is your agenda when making love to truly nurture and cherish the very soul of that person, and not just the demands of her pussy?

The first kind of sex requires a lot of physical energy, the second kind requires caring, open presence.

P.S. Wohnst du in Deutschland?