I’d like to share my karezza experiences so far, and maybe help someone who is reading.
I'm not used to talking about these intimate things publicly. However, I feel that I can be open here and maybe even inspire others, and also find new answers for myself.
My sex life has completely changed since I started karezza lovemaking with my boyfriend. We have been practicing karezza for about a month and a half. In the beginning, we had no idea what it was. I just knew that I wanted to help my boyfriend heal his dependence on PMO, and also try something new that could potentially enrich our relationship.
I’d like to start from scratch; my past sex life was not always rosy. Three years with my ex-boyfriend was wonderful, full of love and desire, and I didn’t feel that anything was missing, with sex and in the relationship in general. However, subsequently, my desire and passion began to disappear. Initially, I thought that the cause of my lack of desire was due to health problems. However, as time went on I gradually realized that our enjoyment of sex fluctuated; for long periods of time we enjoyed sex, and at other times we didn’t. This fluctuation went on for more then four years. During this time I was looking for the causes of our problems (my ex-boyfriend thought that our sexual problems were solely my problems), and at that time (March 8, 2010), I wrote the following comments:
Decreased (low) sexual desire
Unexplained block – in my mind I want sex, but when the situation comes, it’s almost embarrassing – my body isn’t responsive and I become disinterested. At the same time, I feel that my boyfriend is too much in a hurry. I want sex to be slower, with greater sensitivity and subtlety. My boyfriend sees that I am not responsive to him, and therefore, he isn’t energized and in tune for sex. My boyfriend has normal levels of sexual desire, but here I am unable to reciprocate, I have no interest, and I don’t know why. He continues to try, but then he becomes upset, and we both fall asleep feeling angry. Also, I feel sorry for him, but I do not know how to solve it. He’s angry because I’m unresponsive, and I’m upset that we’re in this situation. I’m sorry but I don’t know what to do!
1. Previous problems with sexual arousal - frequent, repeated failure to reach orgasm (before I discovered that I can only reach orgasm from clitoral stimulation).
2. Previous problems with frequent infections of the cervix. I have found a new gynecologist, who has solved many of my problems in this area and continues to closely monitor.
3. Previous problems with the thyroid gland.
4. Contraception pills
5. Naturally less frequent sexual desire as a female
This I wrote at the time, and I also looked for sexological counseling. However, we never went to counseling, and I didn’t feel support from my boyfriend. For this reason and several other reasons, our relationship didn’t last.
Note for number 4: I was taking contraception pills for eight years. I felt that taking pills was both necessary and natural for our relationship. However, I ignored how I felt (e.g. headaches, alternating moods, fluctuations with sexual desire) and overlooked the implications and possible future difficulties. For example, the body can not produce hormones alone; cervical cancer; and potential problems with pregnancy. I would be interested in any female experiences with taking daily contraception – please could anybody share? Are there any good information resources you know about? I like the increased intimacy of sex without a condom, however, I’m wondering about your experiences with both the positive and negative aspects of taking the pill. Any advice would be welcome :)
To get to why I’ve written so many words relating to the past… Since starting the practice of karezza lovemaking, I feel I am finding some meaningful answers relating to my past sexual problems.
Previously, my perspective of sex was that, if my exboyfriend came to orgasm, our coital connection had ended. I belong to a considerable percentage of women who do not reach orgasm during vaginal intercourse, but only with clitoral stimulation. Therefore, for me, in a way, sex was a quest for my ex-boyfriends orgasm. However, I still enjoyed and had nice feelings during sex without my own orgasm. Sex repeated the same pattern, and we didn’t know any other way. It was always the same thing over and over again without giving each other anything. It felt empty and meaningless. The pleasant feelings I once experienced went away, and I stopped being interested in sex. I felt negative; that sex is something unimportant and something I don’t need.
We didn’t find our way out of this negativity. It’s something I think many couples experience.
After some practice with karezza, I feel that I don’t enjoy sex based on orgasm.
With my new boyfriend, desire returned, although I feared from the beginning that the same process that occurred with my ex-boyfriend would happen again later. Our love was comfortable and sometimes spontaneous. Later into the relationship, he told me about his long-standing dependence on PMO. I was in shock from the beginning, due to it being closely associated with a very negative and painful experience I had in the past, with my ex-boyfriend, who had a gambling addiction (a completely different situation, but related in many ways). I tried to assess the situation with a cool head. I felt that this situation was completely different; my boyfriend has been open and honest with regard to his addiction. He’s aware of all the negative consequences, what the causes are, and he wants to change, to solve, and he asks me for support. I liked that he shared so openly and that he had trust in me. So, I trusted him, and decided to give him my full support. This means that most of the work required to heal the addiction is his, which is sometimes not easy; I can only encourage him, be his support, and hope that he manages to make it. He learned a new style of lovemaking called karezza that could help heal his addiction. However, karezza has been a totally new start in our life together; a new direction which has not only related to sex.
Karezza is something completely different... I can tell you that even after such a short time, and although we are still learning, we have already come to some new experiences together. In the beginning, karezza was something that was very abstract to me. I’m sure that like a lot of people, I had never heard about non-orgasmic sex before. I thought it couldn’t work, because, sex has always been about reaching orgasm. My initial questions were: how can this work, and, what is different about it? Furthermore, because I’m not a native English speaker, it was difficult for me to figure out exactly what karezza is. Karezza articles in Czech practically don’t exist and sometimes the English articles were difficult for me to understand. However, with practice, I have begun to see things in a new meaning.
For me karezza lovemaking is a much deeper connection between two people on many levels, in comparison to conventional lovemaking.
I still sometime feel desire to achieve orgasm. But those new feelings witch we have during the lovemaking are unique, incredible, amazing ..
Karezza lovemaking is for me like nice meditation from the beginning...sometimes a short, and in most cases very long, without wanting to stop, interrupt our connections. We can make love an hour, hour and a half and feel no fatigue, as we felt before having sex with orgasm. Today is for me karezza linking two bodies and souls .. the mutual transfer of energy .. to charge each other. We learning more and more by these experiences. And every day we discovering new unknown. I never knew what karezza will mean for me..both my and our life can change. And also how can change my view of sex. I look forward to new experiences and discovering. I´ll share them with you..
Thanks for reading.. 23.10.2011
This text I wrote almost a month ago. Even thought things completely changed, I decide to put this message here. We are not together now, our relationship fell apart. But karezza was not the reason. It was the connection what is not possible break so easy. I'm terribly sorry, I feel a great emptiness, sadness and pain inside. Its because it is happened few days ago. But peace of mind coming slowly. I feel inside of me that like to fight for our relationship, but it is not possible at the moment. Both of us are on the different path of life, perhaps in this moment we need something else. I wish to have a serious relationship, living together and maybe even the future of family planning. He is not ready, still looking for himself, not internally balanced personality. And also he is not sure that he wants the same things as me. I know he loves me and maybe that's why he was able to do this crucial step, was honest to himself and to us both. I´ll miss him so much. I know I lost a man who is sensitive, listening, honest and sincere... It has many positive values of man what every woman is looking for. We learned so many things together. But now I have to let him go his own way he chose. I know that he can find his inner strength, and thus wins his inner battle. I wish it with love...
Me and karezza .. now I can not imagine that I wanted to make love in different way .. I wish that I will find someone who wants the same ...