A sense of perspective: I was being a little hard on myself the other day.

Submitted by intriqued on
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Just keep on going man, don't get frustrated by what you imagine she may be thinking because you may be totally wrong. Also, she wouldn't be with you if she didn't want to. Anybody can be anywhere they want at any time and if she's still with you, it's because she cares about you

I realised I was being very hard on myself the other day after a less than perfect sexual interaction. I'm surprised this level of insecurity surfaced. I obviously still have some work to do with getting to know and feel confident in myself. To summarise I was thinking that perhaps I wasn't the man for my girlfriend and that she deserved a man who doesn't have any sexual problems.

The comments I received on my last blog post gave me a much needed sense of perspective. Thanks to everyone. You guys are amazing! The other night was great, not perfect, but still great. A fun, chilled night with my lady, connecting and enjoying each other in the bedroom. Waking up in the middle of the night to have sex. Having time to play before going to work. I really was focusing on a small negative and overlooking a large series of positives.

I guess I looked at the reboot as a 100% guarantee solution. Just don't PMO and you will be back to normal. I realise it also takes work on yourself and time once you finish. Hell, when we first met my penis was almost dead. The last two times we've been together we've had sex. Once I 'enter' there is no issue staying hard. There has been so much improvement. Things are only going to get better.

Sexual interactions are a time of connecting, a time to be intimate and close. I want penetrative sex to feel this connection to her rather than the orgasm itself. What I need to learn is to quieten the thoughts in my mind. Am I getting hard? How hard am I now? Why am I not hard at the moment? Before I had this problem I didn't know about ED so these thoughts simply weren't on my mind. I was just relaxed and enjoying the moment. But now I have a bit of a backlog of negative sexual experiences. I guess it will just take time to fully get over this. Immersion is the key. Physically I'm fixed. Relaxation, breathing, adoring her gorgeous body and being.

I also imagined a scenario where things were reversed. If this particular girl had insecurities about her body or sex, or a low sex drive I wouldn't run. I care for her too much. I'd be there to help her and us get through any problem. Our relationship is more than casual sex. It's her, the person that I am into. Her sensuality, femininity, caring and nurturing nature, intelligence, sense of humour, quirks, peculiarities, and idiosyncrasies. Knowing this and the way she feels removes this doubt. It was a useful thought experiment.

I'm going to stop recording the day count as it doesn't seem relevant anymore. To all intents and purposes the reboot is complete. I'm never going to use porn again. I can say that with complete conviction. Watching an image of a naked girl on a computer screen? That feels like a previous life which doesn't interest me now. I've taken off my restriction on O with my partner and am even considering mixing in the occasional MO without fantasy.

As for the relationship I can see a real future between us. Unlike other relationships I've started I don't feel giddy with excitement or the reverse, feeling afraid or scared. It just feels comfortable and natural. Right. She asked me to move in with her, an offhand comment as I am looking for a new place in the city. We both laughed and said that would be an awful idea at this point but it's interesting she had that thought. I travel a lot, splitting my time between two countries, so this is something that I entertained as a possibility. Who knows. Day by day. No pressure. No defining. Just living in the moment and enjoying it for what it is.


You must do what feels right

You must do what feels right for you. Trust your gut-feeling it won't mislead you. Inside we know what is right for each of us. Enjoy your wonderful companion, you deserve happiness.

Be well
Peace be with you

Why not get

a month-to-month lease...just in case? Wink

I'm glad you're seeing things more clearly. You truly *are* healed. You just need a bit of time for the rest of you to catch up with that. Did you see Smokey's post? He's going through the same phase it seems.


How long before your next assignment?

One step at a time.

[quote=Marnia]a month-to-month lease...just in case? ;-)[/quote]

No need to put pressure on :)

[quote=Marnia]I'm glad you're seeing things more clearly. You truly *are* healed. You just need a bit of time for the rest of you to catch up with that. Did you see Smokey's post? He's going through the same phase it seems - http://www.reuniting.info/node/9512[/quote]

Yeah spotted his post. Always good to know you are not the only one. He seems to be doing great.

[quote=Marnia]How long before your next assignment?[/quote]

Next assignment? Meeting up you mean? Tomorrow :)

Hopefully we will get to spend a decent amount of time together. With the both of us moving, coming back from travels, changing jobs, living 2+ hours apart everything has been so rushed.


I didn't know you were still so far apart.

No, I was asking about your next work assignment.

But tomorrow sounds good. Wink

For the moment yes

Thinking about it there's always been physical distance since we've known each other. When I met her it was 1 week before I moved out of town. For the next month we were 2 hours away and took it in turns to make that journey. I then left to go travelling for 7 weeks. She left just over a month later for 1 month. I get back, 2 weeks later she returns. Now we are living 2 hours apart from each other again. It's just how things are.

It wasn't an issue. But recently I've started to feel the distance. I want her to be a bigger part of my life. December 15th might be the magical day when we finally live close. Some friends of mine have a room in their place, coincidentally a 10 minute walk from her new place. Looks like someone is helping us out :)

Of course not

Share away. It seems another side effect of rebooting is my writing has improved :)

Definitely get into rock climbing. It's an incredible sport. And wait till you get outside into nature, to places you otherwise wouldn't venture. To see the world from a different perspective. It's a feeling of privilege to have those experiences. Some of the highlights of my life. The rocks are my saviour and teacher.

Enjoy the beginners mind.

I want o say a lot of things to you...

but I'll be concise and to the point:


Thank you for your honesty in your blogging.

You have been an inspiration to me and to many others I'm sure.

Enjoy life without porn and life with your wonderful partner.
THIS is life.

Thank you.

Living in the past can lead to depression and living in the future can lead to anxiety but living in the PRESENT can lead to PEACE.