Been working some serious overtime lately but, somehow, despite the urge to numb out to the stress and worry with porn, i haven't. It's been about 3 weeks. That isn't to say i haven't orgasmed since i have, but it was with a partner and it was slow and conscious. I think it makes sense to deal with these issue in order or porn (1) and then (2) sacred sex. For me, i think there needs to be some levels of competence and progression if this will work in the long run. It's cool some people can do them at once. Spending so much time working and stressed brings up all kinds of crap that i felt like justifying with porn use, like entitlement (hey, i work hard so i deserve some pleasure!) or rationalizing (well, if i do it, then i can sleep better). Just BS to escape feelings and numb out. I really think staying in the dis-comfort teaches competence, that i can survive stress and worry and fatigue WITHOUT pulling my pud...
Lately the idea of porn or fantasies of using women as objects for my sexual satisfaction is weakening. It almost is starting to make me sick a little. I look at a pretty girl and imagine that stuff and then its like the reality of what the fantasy is about and how you cant ever know the essence of that person in that kind of sexual exchange is so clear. You can put anyone in her place and it wouldn't matter, wouldn't even notice. it's just flesh and hair, and breasts..no person there, no soul, no essence. The same sickening feeling would happen as in after porn use, were those fantasies to come true. So i feel good about that. I can see the inhumanness, utter selfishness, and lack of meaning of the kind of sex in porn and in my fantasies. I think this is about becoming human again in a sort of way. Porn and sex addiction take one far away from the soul.
I am also really impressed with the effort the guys are doing here on this site lately..really encouraging and helpful..thanks for sharing guys! Also hearing from the ladies about their experiences helps us know women in a more real way so thanks to the fairer sex as well!
I realized some of the impulse to use porn also had to do with the discomfort of feeling happy. Its not just when things were bad that I am tempted..if things feel TOO good or i had some sense of accomplishment, i am also just as tempted. Interesting, that one. Well, thats it for now..
Keep up the good work people!!!
Peace, clarity and strength