‚ô•Observations...week 2

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"To be nobody but yourself in a word which is working night and day to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting." -E.E. Cummings

*yawn*, good morning everybody :). Beautiful day it isn't?. This was quite an interesting week. I experience both ends of the mood-swing spectrum. In day 11th my moods where through the roof. That day I woke up very early( sleep for about 4 hours) and was as horny as a rabbit lol. I spent having 3-4 spontaneous erections through the day, had to meditate to calm myself. I had so much energy that day that I went twice outside to do exercise, did 30 minutes of yoga, wrote a lot and still had lots of energy to spent.

Day 12th and 13th were terrible. I feel anxious, depress and horny again lol. That insidious feeling that life looks colorless. Good thing that I understand that I hit the lower end in the reboot process. It is interesting how dopamine can altered our perception of the world, one day I was *o* the other T.T. Understanding why you feel that way really helps a lot.

Lately I am seeing sexual energy as a type of currency. It is really not worth it to spent it in pleasure contractions that last for so a few seconds. When there is so much more you can do with it. I have notice some benefits of abstaining:

a)-The voice has become more virile and manly...as I abstain more, the more deep it becomes.
b)-Remembering more my dreams.
c)-Prone to take more risk actions
d)-Need to sleep less( 4-5 hours is enough)
e)-Have more energy to do things...a lot more.
f)-Better appreciation for art, specially music.

Something that took me by surprise is the change on music tastes. Don't know if this has to do with pmo abstinence or kundalini awakening. I have always like beautiful music but the sounds I used to listen to very melancholic, they had a sense of loss, like something was missing. Now I am hearing songs that had a more happy theme, very upbeat and that have a sense of fulfillment. Also every time I abstain for at least a week I feel this sweet/warn energy moving around my body.

Yesterday I was also reflecting on sexuality and sexual desire. Read an article called the quest for spiritual orgasm( thanks for sharing it Marnia :) ) and decided to start studying and practice these spiritual disciplines, If anyone have any recommendations, feel free to share it.

We should honor sexual desire, because of it we are here lol. Sex is really the most pure and chaste act. I have always wondered at what point the church decided to demonized it and why was the reason behind these allegations. Causing at first suppression and later over-expression with the hippie movement. I truly believe that in the near future karezza will be something very common, maybe it could become the usual way people have sex. Yeah I know, I am an idealist :P, but I believe in change. With the divorce rates going up and people noticing more the insidious damage that porn do to their lives they will start seeking alternatives. For the first time in history we have the technology and science to prove what the sages of the past knew about how sex can shape our perception of the world and also can see for ourselves how porn and compulsory masturbation affect us.

Let's see what happens next week. Stay strong and focus on the reasons why you are doing this. You are mean to be much more than this; when you kick out this addiction( everyone will do at some point), you will be free and know this other new person that you were all this time, I am sure that you will like this new guy as women will do Wink .



My guess is

that the core mystery of "how to overcome sexual cravings through careful union" was lost early in in Christianity - driven underground once the Roman empire got behind the more materialistic, less mystical, strain of Christianity popular in Western Europe. Once that was gone, Church fathers just "made it up as they went along" in the sex department.

After all, it's hard to reconcile sacred sex with propagation, because the emphasis on the first is on heightened spiritual awareness and aligning with the Divine. If you're a Church father...you want followers even more than you want enlightened followers. The more followers the better, and if they feel guilty, too, then you can manipulate them more easily.

Have you ever read about the agapetae? http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/agapetae Apparently it took hundreds of years for the Church fathers to stamp out the wisdom of careful union for a higher end. I write about this in our book.

Marnia, Although a


Although a Christian, I agree with what you say about the church "fathers"... the judeo/christian bible seems to have many good examples of "how to overcome sexual cravings through careful union", they are still in the book but the emphasis is definitely not on this...guilt has had a good run in most faiths and sure seems like something people are willing to pay to expunge.

You are right , enlightened followers can ask to many good questions...

An enlightened follower


even before I found the Gnostic gospels I read through the New Testament and was amazed at how much is still in there that is quite consistent with the concept. And nowhere does Jesus push procreation; his entire focus was on enlightenment ("entering the kingdom of heaven").

And yet the Church is opposed to karezza. They took this position 60 years ago when karezza was gaining popularity in Europe as a way to spiritualize lovemaking. An archbishop was given the job of defending the Church's position, which he did in a book called The Amplexus Reservatus (The Reserved Embrace). I wrote about it here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200909/what-ca...

A Power issue?

I read it a long time ago but had forgotten most of it..thanks for sharing the link :) . Reading your conclusion and that article. It is probably that at is core this is a power issue. Like you said is better to control people that way, using guilt to manipulate it more easy. I had read a bit about how in the past sex/religion where inseparable aspects. One of the aspects that "primitive" or ancient cultures worshiped was fertility/sex and procreation. It was like that for thousands of years. Sex was view as a chaste and sacred act and today some people see it as dirty and shameful. Wonder what happened that cause this 360-degree turnaround.

This also made me remember the quest for a spiritual orgasm article. How many so called "gurus" promulgate celibacy and had a deep hatred/rejection for women but at the same time sleep with their fellow students using the excuse of some secret "initiation" ritual. We should embrace sexuality and express it in a positive way. Without repression, guilt or lust. If the genres stop attacking each other and decided to work together to a common cause
The world will be a better place.

At the end of the day men and women need each other. They are complementary aspects of the divine.

I hear you

I think a lot of people actually *like* for sex to be dirty because "forbidden and risky" are dopamine hits. Without realizing it, they are making sex less fulfilling and more addictive. But once you're on that slope, your primitive brain thinks "naughty" is the drug it *really needs.*

We had a popular preacher guy here in the States named Ted Haggard. If you read his story thinking "brain numbed to pleasure needing more dopamine desperately," all of his shenanigans look more like the "drug trip" they really were. Once humans understand their reward circuitry better, and how to keep it in balance, "morality" will come a lot more naturally...from within instead of externally. (My rant for today. Wink )


"Something that took me by surprise is the change on music tastes. Don't know if this has to do with pmo abstinence or kundalini awakening."

If you don't mind may I ask you when did Kundalini awakening took place in you? I am asking because I think I am very near to it but due to this pmo problem I have decided to deal with pmo first and then with Kundalini. I just don't want to screw myself up (Kundalini can be very punishing if you do not behave according to Her). So was pmo a big problem after you had the awakening? Did She punish you because you were going against Her will?

I am very curious. Thanks and Good luck.


everything I've read says you are right to sort out the porn first. But stirring kundalini can actually make erotic urges go out of control, which may explain why you're having trouble. Can you get counseling from a master who knows a lot about this phenomenon?

I know that

kundalini (if awakened) can kill your sexual urges or can make them go out of control. I have one online master whose advice I have been taking for the past year or so. He advised me to have control over my pmo addiction and then leave the rest to kundalini. Since my kundalini is not awakened I do not have problems now but I know I must choose between pmo or kundalini. So for now I have quit meditation for a while and will only start when I have a little control over this addiction.