Passions/goals in relationships

Submitted by freedom on
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How much do passions and goals matter both in finding a partner and maintaining a relationship? This is spoken about all over the place, but it doesn’t seem well substantiated. Perhaps it is code like many things for how much money and thus commoditized value someone earns/has. Goallessness can be negative, but I’m not sure it is inherently so. Few have no goals, but many have goals they don’t want to share. Some people are generalists and don’t intend to become expert or *rise* by delving deeper into any one thing. Seeking a space that enables being multi-passionate is more genuine for those people even if it is seen as odd by whatever is typical these days. It’s hard for more singularly impassioned people to understand multi-passionate people or to allow the passion that is there a space for expression. This seems to add another complication to relationships for me because if I don’t feel understood or feel dismissed, a relationship is dead in the water (obviously not due to singular instances). I’m wondering what I can try to do to not add to the barriers. I’ve tried to be more expressive about interests. This can project negatively because I do so genuinely while people might prefer a sugarcoated reality. I’ve had others comment on that in particular suggesting that I seem like a fool or weird for not trying to appear other than I am. I can also blow people off sometimes if I sense that they are asking about me, but don’t really want to listen to the answer.

Comments

Lots of thoughts

I think that people often don't talk about what they want from a relationship. Two people can be in love but if there goals don't align then things are not going to work long term. Personal passions and interests fall directly into this dialogue.

I'm not fully sure I understand the latter part of your posts as you are speaking in quite abstract terms. Perhaps you could include some examples?

For me strong passions, interests, and creativity are very high up the list of things I look for in a partner. In terms of personal interests and passions I believe there is room for the couple to be different. In my current relationship our way of thinking, attitudes, sense of humour are very similar. These are the things we have in common. Our passions and interests are really very different. She knows and can see how much mine give me, and so gives me space to pursue them. I find myself more attracted to her when I see her succeeding and doing something in line with her talents and true being. I have so much respect for her art and would never impede on that element of her life other than to support and encourage her. We are both complete individuals who are perfectly happy living our own lives.

Abstraction

[quote=intriqued]
I'm not fully sure I understand the latter part of your posts as you are speaking in quite abstract terms. Perhaps you could include some examples?
[/quote]

Abstraction is one of my many quirks. That version was intentional to some extent. Reality stings a bit. Often when asking how someone is doing or what they are doing, one expects short answers like "fine" and working to do X. The asking and answering is superficial. If one goes into a deeper explanation, people get turned off and uncomfortable. There's some combination or depth, possibly a negative projection, and who knows what else. I don't care too much because folks that know me, know I'm not how I can be first perceived, but others seem to both as observers and as people who have to deal with my story. Those that care about me, e.g., family, suggest I'm making myself look like a bigger mess than necessary and the others just don't interact with me. I'd be willing to change something, but I've few ideas idea at present regarding if I should and what to change.