38 days...fantasy?

Submitted by Floyd on
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So I just hit my 38 day mark.

So far, so good. I've been in a flatline since day one so things have been relatively easy. Until just recently...

I'm not sure what made me decide to do this. But last night I had to "test" myself. Although I've been basically dead from the waist down...I started thinking about porn for the first time in a while.

Since I've begun this process, this is the closest I came to giving in. Out of no where, the urge to PMO was strong.

I knew I wouldn't give in, but I was so curious 38 days in to see where I was at. I tried to "will" an erection. I used some physical stimulation. Lightly touching my body and nipples, but not stroking my penis. I also engaged in fantasy, not porn, but a girl I hooked up with a long time ago.

The fantasy was very realistic, but I did feel that I was in some way drawing from porn scenes.

I engaged in this process for several minutes, then ended it. I was really horny, and had a full erection. I didn't engage in PMO, but it was certainly a gray area.

I was really excited that I was able to get so erect without the aid of porn. I thought this was a good sign. Granted, fantasy played a role in this as well, but it was realistic fantasy with a real girl.

I don't think I'll engage in this again, although I'm glad I did. It gave me confidence that the process is working, and when the time comes, my body will react the way it was meant to.

This was my first real slip. Does what I did constitute edging?

Will this effect my rebooting process?

Was this harmless, or is it something I should REALLY try to avoid in the near future?

Thanks beforehand for any input, this site has been extremely helpful in my recovery.


I don't think this will hurt

I don't think this will hurt you. You were testing yourself, and you got control over the situation. It did not progress into unconscious , uncontrolled PM, or worse a binge. A lot of guys seem to report "testing" their equipment, "does it still work?, does it work better?". I have my wife to "test" it with, what if I did not have a relationship?

Watch and learn if you have "chaser/hangover", I think frequent testing would be tempting fate.

38 days is so great, man! Very happy for you. Stay vigilant, keep learning.

your friend

Hi!Today I had a similar


Today I had a similar experience. At noon I thought of a girl I was going to meet later that day and I imagined some harmless, realistic sexual stuff. I got hard from it and it turned me on.

When I later met the girl (a few minutes ago) I wasn't really turned on, though. (I am also in flatline now, day 30).

This showed to me that fantasy probably isn't a good thing. I don't think it's a real problem either or that it will affect the reboot time but fantasy still isn't the real thing and today I experienced that first hand.

It is just something different (at least to me), even when I fantasize about a real girl and real life situations. It needs a different wiring in the brain (or whatever ;)) - it's just not the same thing than a real encounter with a woman. To me, the stimulus is different.

I would give you the advice to avoid it - you don't really have something to gain from it but you could lose something (especially if you relapse).

Good luck on your journey! Stay awake!

Thanks man, You basically

Thanks man,

You basically said what I was sort of debating in some internal way, the gain and loss aspect of this.

That's what has been my driving factor of success so far. By doing this, I have literally nothing to lose, and possibly quite a bit to gain.

I think this fantasy thing is playing with fire. The fact that I'm thinking about it, or wanting to do it again is a sign of its potential power.

I'll push it out of my mind and continue with my original plan which is pretty simple. The next time I experience O, it will be not be by my own doing.

I've come to far to risk it! Fortunately, my mild OCD ways can be quite useful if harnessed in the right way. No PMO, and no fantasy. NO EXCEPTIONS!

No harm

I don't think that there is any harm in what you've done. I wouldn't do it again though. I think that it's placing you in a place that is much nearer slipping and having a relapse.

I've just realised that we are about the same length of time into this.
Stay strong