So I just hit my 38 day mark.
So far, so good. I've been in a flatline since day one so things have been relatively easy. Until just recently...
I'm not sure what made me decide to do this. But last night I had to "test" myself. Although I've been basically dead from the waist down...I started thinking about porn for the first time in a while.
Since I've begun this process, this is the closest I came to giving in. Out of no where, the urge to PMO was strong.
I knew I wouldn't give in, but I was so curious 38 days in to see where I was at. I tried to "will" an erection. I used some physical stimulation. Lightly touching my body and nipples, but not stroking my penis. I also engaged in fantasy, not porn, but a girl I hooked up with a long time ago.
The fantasy was very realistic, but I did feel that I was in some way drawing from porn scenes.
I engaged in this process for several minutes, then ended it. I was really horny, and had a full erection. I didn't engage in PMO, but it was certainly a gray area.
I was really excited that I was able to get so erect without the aid of porn. I thought this was a good sign. Granted, fantasy played a role in this as well, but it was realistic fantasy with a real girl.
I don't think I'll engage in this again, although I'm glad I did. It gave me confidence that the process is working, and when the time comes, my body will react the way it was meant to.
This was my first real slip. Does what I did constitute edging?
Will this effect my rebooting process?
Was this harmless, or is it something I should REALLY try to avoid in the near future?
Thanks beforehand for any input, this site has been extremely helpful in my recovery.