Long time no blog. It has been a month or 3 since I last posted. Long story short around day 81 I M and O'd and thought I was in the clear. A week or so later the "chaser" effect kicked in and I started to feel like I was falling back into the fog. Sometime around day 100 I went to a party, got drunk, and when I got home.. I ended up PMOing. After the initial PMO, I felt like I fucked up so bad that I may as well get it all out of my system and binge before i recoup. So I would PMO 2-3x in 1 day, go a week sober, then the chaser effect would be back, repeat. Week after week. Then it became 2 days a week, and now 3. I see where this is headed and it is time to change course.
At 1st it felt like the PMOing wasn't effecting me, which is probably one big reason why I did not stop. After several weeks of complete and utter failure the side effects of porn were starting to take effect. Slowly but surely, my anxiety began to increase. My stress was up, energy down, confidence at a low point. I began being bothered by the littlest, silliest comments or looks that normally I would shrug off. When I seen any picture, woman, commercial even a little bit risque or remotely related to sex, my heart would begin to race.. an artificial dopamine rush. Even COMMERCIALS that were absolutely NOT meant to be sexual at all I was some how able to find something arousing by it. Like an Old Navy commercial with woman modeling blouses while singing. What the hell is wrong with me? Sick, just sick .
I began my journey to quit PMO 359 days ago and here I am back at square one. Yes, I have made some progress over the last year but not nearly as much as I would have hoped. It is time to start fresh, today, Day 1.
Happy thanksgiving to everyone.