My husband likes something I can't share. Will karezza help us to get back together? [1]

Hello I could really do with some help. My husband and i are around 60. Three and a half years ago my husband finally found out how to use the internet. His searches helped him to realise a latent sexual preference he had had feelings about, but that wasn't explicit. He likes to be lifted. His fantasy would be to be over my shoulder with me giving him oral sex. That wasn't going to happen for two reasons - I just wouldn't, and although we're a similar size and fit and healthy I couldn't.
Because of this feeling he found that feeling my leg muscles was a turn on, just because of the possibility they could lift him. He also wants to sit on my knee. I'm happy with this just for a cuddle, but can't deal with it when he gets aroused.
I found all this very upsetting. He just has to touch my leg for me to get upset and angry. We have had an active and satisfying sex life, and been faithful to each other for 35 years, and when we have had a difficult time, sex has been a comfort for us both. We both still love and fancy each other.
But now I felt exactly as if there was someone else he loved more.
It's plain that this stems from when he was very small - 2 or 3. He was in hospital. He remembers being held over a nurses shoulder and being sexually aroused. He won't accept this explanation, and just says it feels like part of him. It feels so lovely to him, he can't understand why it upsets me. I feel tremendous compassion for him, but I can't accept it into our intimate relationship.
He says he feels as if he's giving me a disease when he has his feelings because it upsets me, and now says he can't make love to me at all, and will give it up. I know we both long to be close, and it's very difficult. He gets cross and upset, and although he says he doesn't, I know he feels it's my fault, because I won't just accept it.
I came across your website, and printed off Alice Stockham's book. i also bought Cupid's Poisoned Arrow. They struck a chord. I eventually persuaded my husband to read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow. I think he read about half of it. He said it said some people can't do it, and didn't see how it would help our problem. I feel we would be focussing on each other here and now, in intimacy, without chasing anything else - him his lifting 'feeling', me an orgasm, which although sometimes lovely, can feel almost like an obligation.
It's the worst thing that's ever happened to either of us. I hope this wasn't too long. Does anyone have any suggestions?