Is There a Problem with Porn? (Part 2)

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XXX porngrHere are some reasons why porn can be a problem. They may help you figure out if you want it in your life.

Pornography is not reality

A picture of a naked woman is like a picture of food. It can create a powerful a physical reaction, but it is not a real woman. Even so, your old brain will urge you to focus lots of attention on such a picture, to find it fascinating, and even to hunt for others like it. Remember, your old brain can't tell the difference between images and physical reality. It lumps anything connected to sex into one category, the “Yes!” category, because it wants you to make lots of babies someday.

Let's return to your distant ancestors. Imagine that you are a young caveman. Suppose you glimpse a naked woman swimming in a lake. You would probably find her thrilling. caveman in loveYour excitement would motivate you to learn how to flirt with her, to find out what things impress her, and, if she didn't like you, to figure out ways to meet new females. In short, you would be motivated to learn how to find and connect with a real female, a mate – someone your old brain hopes will be the mother of your babies.

These days, however, this plan isn’t working very well. There is a new factor present that young cavemen didn’t have to deal with. Today guys have computers and the potential to view lots of highly exciting, sexually-explicit pictures and videos. Pictures are not real girls. Videos do not help you get to know real girls.

As you may have learned, explicit pornographic pictures trigger intense sexual frustration – just like pictures of food can make your hunger worse. However, pornography also encourages you to seek instant relief – either alone in front of your computer, or with buddies who are also using porn. Porn doesn’t motivate you to learn the skills you need to attract a mate. caveman with computerIt doesn't encourage you to learn what girls like or what they like about you, or find the courage to meet with real girls.

Your new brain knows that connections with real people are far healthier than sitting alone with your computer, but your old brain is hard to ignore – especially once you make porn a habit.

Porn is not educational

It is normal to want to learn more about sex. However, porn videos cannot teach you about normal sex between people who love each other. The people in porn videos are actors who often do things more outrageous than Lord Voldemort in the “Harry Potter” stories. Porn actors pretend to enjoy themselves, even when they don't like each other, or they are in pain, or they are feeling cruel – or mistreated. When the camera stops rolling, they take their pay and walk away from each other.

kissingSex with someone you love and trust is entirely different. It is a respectful exchange of sensual touch, and a way of expressing your affection for your mate. It is a chance to be playful and get to know another person deeply. Many traditions teach that sex is beautiful and sacred. Porn is neither.

In fact, porn is increasingly violent, with themes of people abusing each other. Porn makers purposely make the videos violent. Why? Because the old brain likes to feel superior to others. It finds such images exciting. The more strongly you react to an image, the more often you return to the website where you found it – unless you use your new brain to stop.

If you get your sex education from porn videos, there is a very real chance that you will find it difficult to interact with real females in a healthy way later on. For example,giant inflated torso porn could confuse you and make you think women like to be treated badly. (They don't.)

Because porn fires up your old brain (and turns down the volume of your new brain), it can also cause you to focus too much on how a girl looks, rather than who she is. Large breasts unfortunately do not mean that someone is fun to be around, or kind, or sincere. Big boobs are attractive to your old brain because they look like they can feed babies really well.

Porn is like “junk food”

Your old brain is powerful, but not very clever. For example, it likes chocolate cake better than a balanced meal. Why? It evolved millions of years ago when food was scarce. High-calorie foods with lots of sugar and fat were rare, but a good source of energy.

junk foodThe old brain hasn't noticed that we are now surrounded by cookies, chips, ice cream and so forth. It still thinks you need every bit of high-calorie food to survive. In other words, it urges you to choose junk food when it sees it. If you want to have a strong, healthy body, you have to listen to your new brain. It can figure out what you need to eat for good health.

Watching porn is like being served chocolate cake over and over, without ever getting the healthy part of your dinner. Cake tastes great at first, but too much makes you feel bad. It causes a sugar-high, followed by a drop in energy. While your body is recovering you don’t feel so great. In fact, you may be cranky, unfriendly, or unable to concentrate. You may act like a jerk instead of like your usual, cheerful self.

junk food monsterPorn sets off a cycle similar to that of too much sugary food. There is an initial rush of excitement. Yet afterward you may feel tired, jumpy or irritable. This behavior repels others, but it won’t bother your computer at all. See why it becomes easier and easier to spend time at your computer?

Both junk food and porn sex can become obsessions, because your old brain only knows how to say “Yes!” to them. It still thinks you are living millions of years ago. It hasn't caught up with the fact that high-calorie food and sexual stimulation are readily available – and not good for anyone in such large quantities. Fortunately, your new brain can understand the reality.

Porn is addictive

Just like chocolate cake, porn sex is potentially addictive. You simply can’t stuff yourself with cake or use porn to excite yourself without an uncomfortable recovery period afterward.too much food In fact, you may find that you feel moody, defensive, or anti-social for days.

This period of discomfort is risky. You may be tempted to do something you normally wouldn't do just to try to feel good again. For example, you may find yourself back at your computer, looking at porn. That will offer instant relief – but it won't last.

This cycle of highs and lows is the “addictive cycle.” Gamblers know it, drug users know it, porn users know it, and those who binge on junk food know it. In other words, junk food and porn can affect your brain like drugs. They can make your urges, like hunger and sexual frustration, worse over all – even though both seem to promise instant relief. This is how addicts become addicts. They are desperately looking for relief because they feel bad during the recovery, or withdrawal, period.

In short, viewing porn is like jumping on a bike with no brakes. Maybe you can stop; maybe you can't. If you’re already hooked, P*O*R*N keyboardyou will have to use your new brain as the brakes – and ignore your old brain. It may take you some time to restore your balance, but you could save yourself a lifetime of lonely obsession.

Porn is powerful

Feelings of sexual arousal are intense because your old brain doesn't want your new brain to interfere with your old brain's mission. Your old brain won't much care if you find a new porn website and then don't make it to sports practice, forget to walk your dog, or skip your homework. It wants you to make sexual arousal your top priority. It's thinking only one thing: “If I can keep this guy focused on sex, then someday he will make lots of babies!”

Your old brain is just doing its biological job. It has mistaken porn sex for real sex, but you don't have to make the same error. Use your new brain to figure it out. If you have a chance to view porn, consider some of these responses:couple

“I think I'll skip the porn...

  • because I want to learn about real girls and close relationships.”
  • because I want to be full of energy, not moody, depressed or anti-social.”
  • because I know that porn can make sexual frustration worse.”
  • because I want to get a life.”

End of article