Gary and I really admire Tantric Sex for Men by Diana and Michael Richardson. It's a great companion to Cupid's Poisoned Arrow. The terminology is not remotely scientific, but if you're trying to master effortless lovemaking, such as karezza, it is an excellent resource, and full of practical suggestions. As Gary said,
It explores and describes a whole different way of making love. The stillness. No efforting. Simply allowing erections to rise and fall. Allowing the energy to move us. It's really about getting our fulfillment from something deeper.
Here are some of our favorite excerpts:
"In sex, you are relaxing in it, not controlling it. If you are controlling it, there will be no relaxation. If you are controlling it, sooner or later you will be hurried to finish it because control is a strain." By using repressive techniques, the shift is from ejaculation to avoiding ejaculation--which means that the goal orientation [strain] remains the same.
"If you can remain in the beginning without becoming hot, just remaining warm, then those two warmths will meet and you can prolong the act for a very long time. With no ejaculation, with no throwing energy out, it becomes a meditation, and through it you become whole."
[Female sexual polarity emanates from the breasts.] The way to expand female sexual energy is to initially shift the emphasis away from the vagina and clitoris toward the breasts....A warm hand that gently embraces and lovingly molds to the breasts is absolutely perfect. There is no need to stimulate the nipples directly, but only indirectly through simple hand contact or a feather-light brush once or twice....[During sex] as you breathe out, radiate love and light from the penis. As you breathe in, absorb the love and light coming from her breasts.
Visualize your penis as a channel for potency, warmth, and love....Relaxing the anus frequently and maintaining awareness of the base of the penis will give you an inner feeling of your penis as a complete unit, rather than a disembodied tool for thrusting. It becomes a divine instrument capable of channeling subtle energies that flow or stream from the root upward to the radiant head, and beyond into your receptive partner.
Movements made with the intention of creating pleasure and excitement will tend to become mechanical, and when we become like machines, we lose awareness and sensitivity. ...Instead of woman pushing forward to meet man's movement, she tilts her pelvis upward at an angle and remains still. In this non-moving position a woman is able to put all her attention into her vagina--into he receiving, absorbing, and welcoming of the penis into her body.
"If you are not in a hurry to finish the act, the...sex organs melt into each other. A deep silent communion happens between two body energies, and then you can remain for hours together."
There is a natural slowing down when any act is done with awareness.
The head of the penis can enter the vagina and gradually open it along its entire length, gently probing....The problem with an entry by the penis that is fast or aggressive and lacking in awareness is that woman (unconsciously or consciously) closes her vagina to protect herself from possible intense pain [from the penis bumping the cervix].
A slippery, smooth, silky, slow, sensual penetration simply has to one of life's greatest joys, for both man and woman. Use lubricant without hesitation and with pleasure, and use it every time.
[The advantage of soft entry] is that both man and woman begin at zero, so to speak, allowing their temperatures to warm up together. Soft entry is very easy and, with practice, can happen in the flash of a second.
The first few times soft penetration is tried, most men will find that they do not "feel" much in their penises. This is very common and will change as soon as the penis adjusts to a new way of being used and perceived by man. This insensitivity is due to a long history of stimulation, so for it to be a little numb is not really surprising. The way to retrieve sensitivity is to relax into woman, spend as much time inside her as possible, and take full consciousness down into your penis....Gradually sensitivity will return.
Stillness is...resting in your body and being present to woman. It is not turning her on, but opening and accessing her, supporting her to relax and melt into herself, giving her the feeling of being at home and at ease. If the initial pace is easy, relaxed and slow, lovemaking is more likely to be filled with timeless delight and pleasure.
Woman can feel immediately if a man has intention behind his touch, and this very often closes down her body. Drop your agendas and programming when you are with a woman. Just be present in yourself and in your heart, sharing your being, touching and caressing with love.
"Relax...If nothing happens there is no need for anything to happen. If nothing happens then that is what is happening...and that too is beautiful!"
[A loving penis] can begin to "catalyze" what has accumulated in the female body and allow her to relax and transform into pure love--the true quality of woman.
In making love from the inner dimension, man will discover his true male authority.
There are no mass solutions for the world's problems. There is only one solution, and it starts with this man and this woman.
Anger and frustration levels reduce dramatically when hot sex and ejaculation are avoided or reduced.
Also, here's some information on "soft entry":
Soft Penetration--Entry Without Erection Soft entry is a pure and simple alternative when there is no erection. It completely eliminates the pressure of having to have an erection in order to have sex. Given the general lack of stimulation [in tantric sex or karezza], not having an erection is quite normal and nothing to be concerned about. Soft entry actually bypasses many erection concerns and issues, and gives us a humble, human way to get our bodies together. The advantage of a soft start is that both man and woman begin at zero, so to speak, allowing their temperatures to warm up together. Soft entry is very easy and with practice, can happen in the flash of a second. There are two possibilities: man puts his penis inside woman, or woman puts the penis inside her. We recommend the second option.
Spontaneous Erection and Impotence
Spontaneous erection within the vagina is not something that can be expected or demanded of the body. It is a by-product of a special constellation of factors, among which are awareness, presence, relaxation, and love. Erection Responsibility is Shared ...[Lots of good stuff here but I'll cut to the chase.]...A true erection is an electromagnetic response to the equal and opposite force exerted by the vagina. From a soft state, the penis can slowly rise as a direct response to the vagina surrounding it. The female force plays an equal role; through receptivity it starts to "draw" and effectively pulls the penis into an erection, millimeter by millimeter. The penis unfolds like a slow snake winding upward in a circular spiraling motion. Erection without stimulation or excitement can also happen when in close proximity to a woman. The female force exerts an influence on the male force without your actually being inside her. Men say that it is as if the penis awakens in the atmosphere of love created through presence and awareness.
Have a look yourself. Here's a free preview of the book: Google Preview of Tantric Sex for Men Amazon also allows a free sample preview of the Kindle edition - if you download their viewer on your computer, Ipad, Iphone, Android phone.
Here's what one forum member said:
This was a great read. There was so much in this book that I could identify with. Much of what they wrote about was/is already part of where we are as a couple. There were many other points that they addressed and some of them spoke to me and others did not. It has lots of great info that we will be able to use. I will probably read it at least one more time; there was more than I can retain with just one read.