Karezza is a gentle, affectionate form of intercourse in which orgasm is not the goal, and ideally does not occur in either partner while making love. Karezza gained its name from Alice Bunker Stockham, MD at the end of the nineteenth century.
If you found the "Highlights" interesting, you may wish to watch the full presentation. (43-minutes)
Marnia Robinson's book is an engagingly written & enlightening antidote for people confused by the emotional chaos in their sexual lives.
You pose many stark questions about why our sexual relationships fail, so often. Why do we fall "out of love"? Did our grandparents? Our ancestors?
We fall out of love because we're biologically-programmed to do so. The primitive part of our brain urges us toward behaviors that pass on the most genes. Unfortunately for us romantics, the key behaviors are (1) a craving for intense passion, followed by (2) an unconscious urge to separate, & (3) a tendency to repeat the pattern with a new partner (yielding greater genetic variety among offspring). Now that the Sexual Revolution has freed us, Biology's agenda is glaringly obvious. I believe its hidden agenda accounts for the Census Bureau's 2002 prediction that half of all new marriages could end in divorce, & for Dr. Phil's statement that "sexless marriages are an epidemic".
We so want to believe that romantic love is designed to last forever that we regard anyone who says otherwise with deep suspicion. However, I don't think we can improve our statistics until we realize that Biology's goals are not our goals if we want a lasting, romantic relationship. There IS a way to keep romance alive, but we can't do it by blindly dancing to Biology's tune.
&, yes, I believe our grandparents & ancestors suffered from this same problem. It's almost proverbial that "the honeymoon lasts less than a year." Church, state & social stigma kept most of our ancestors locked in matrimony until death parted them, no matter how miserable or unfaithful they were. It's worth noting, however, that infidelity occurred even when the punishment was to burn at the stake. Our primal urges (which, again, are geared toward replicating offspring) are even more powerful than our inclination toward self-preservation. Yet these urges do not serve our individual well-being. Once we recognize that, we can learn a way around them.
See interview of Marnia by Adam Elenbaas. This interview is to be included in the 2009 title Towards 2012: New Perspectives for New Times.
[From transcript of interview]
Cupid's Poisoned Arrow (June 23, 2009).
In a sense there are two authors of this website and the related books: Gary Wilson and Marnia Robinson. They are a husband/wife team living in southern Oregon.
Marnia (with degrees from Brown and Yale) is a former corporate lawyer who left her career to investigate how ancient sacred-sex prescriptions can heal the widespread disharmony in intimate relationships. Her last conventional job took her to Europe as "Director of Legal Services - Europe" for Campbell Soup Company. Since 1990 she has been unearthing clues about healing the alienation between male and female.
Marnia will be speaking at Lucy Cavendish College, in Cambridge, England at a conference Suicide Bombers- the psychological, religious and other imperatives.
Thanks for your kind remarks everyone! See also more extensive letters from readers.
(Gender of contributors is indicated: "M" for male, "F" for female)
NOTE: Also visit this page if you have questions about the actual practice of controlled intercourse.
It's a clear, accurate explanation of why relationships that start out with so much potential often end up in frustration, miscommunication and hurt feelings. Peace offers a solution: making love differently.