I found tantric, non-orgasmic love "by accident." For some time I had had awful, long-lasting headaches after orgasm and decided that, rather than abstaining from sex, I would enjoy massaging and giving pleasure to my wife and try to have as much pleasure myself from that as I could, hoping not to go crazy with frustration.
What I found amazed me. After only a few times of not "coming," I noticed that I was more interested in this new form of pleasure-giving and receiving than I had ever been in the race for the peak. Indeed, instead of being a goal-oriented "athlete", I now noticed a fondness for the practice itself and the ability to sustain affectionate feelings for my partner. The change was especially rapid at first.
I loved giving sexual pleasure to my mate and prolonging that pleasure which works well since she (as most women) is slower to "ignite" anyway. In a way it was like discovering the pleasure of sailing as opposed to jumping in the speed boat that could get you there faster but gave you a bumpier and less pleasurable ride.
Increasingly I looked forward to the gentle vulva massage and the beautiful dance of emotions and feelings that was associated with it. I lost myself in this new feeling and soon started to avoid orgasms effortlessly. To my surprise, I did not experience lack of orgasm as a "loss" after having visited another territory that I simply loved more. Having an orgasm which happens from time to time is like having an accident from which it takes time to recover.